Enchanted
by Agent Henry
Summary: Being blind, my life is hardly a walk in the park. But add in two crazy best friends, who I think are secretly in love, a stalker crush, who just won't quit, and Louis Weasley, who really doesn't know when to say no, and I might as well be climbing Everest. Louis/OC.
1. Patience is a Virtue

**A/N:** New story, a Next-Gen Louis/OC. It's almost complete, just a couple of chapters left, so I've decided to post this for you all. :)

I hope you all enjoy.

Sam.

* * *

I consider myself to be a very patient man. Though not by choice; I kind of have to be. Actually, I really have to be. Not being patient can cause all sorts of accidents. I remember when I was six, I was so excited to go and get an ice-cream by myself that I just ran out into the middle of the road. My dad reached me first and picked me up, taking me to the other side, and the woman in the car did stop to apologize and ask if I was okay.

What happened after that? Let's just say I couldn't get my own ice-creams for a _while_.

What's that got to do with patience, I hear you say. You've got to have patience if you have parents as over-protective as I do, other people have told me. But it's bigger than that, which sort of makes it worse for me than just being a six year old who couldn't get ice-cream because he didn't look where he was going when crossing the street.

Mostly because I couldn't see the street; not the road or the cars or even the ice-cream van I was running to.

I was three when I lost my sight. Yeah. But I won't get into that. So, patience is something I've had to learn and come to value from a young age. I had to learn because, being as young as I was, it wasn't easy waiting for people to do things for you or to have to listen to kids your age play carelessly and free in the park while you just sat there. I value it for two reasons; one, it allows me to appreciate everything people do for me, especially when it's six am, because that's not pretty; people say I'm evil. It's not true; I'm just not a morning person. And two; people can be a little overbearing, even if they think they're only trying to help. I understand when I remember being a child; kids need help when they're young anyway, I just needed a little extra. But I'm seventeen now, an adult legally; surely that counts for a little bit of trust in people. I _can _do some things myself.

Like make breakfast. After six years of sitting in the same place, eating the same food, I think I can remember where the toast is and where the bacon is. But still she does it. The 'she' in question is my best friend, Lucy Weasley. Well, she's one of my best friends. My other best friend is Jackson Ryder, or Jack. He's not here yet, he's... Somewhere else. He was on holiday; he was actually supposed to be back a couple of days ago, in time for school, but his parents told me he had a bit of an accident and I'll find out more today. Knowing Jack, 'a bit' is probably just putting it nicely.

Anyway, Jack is the one who helps me around school; you just can't trust a magical school, especially one with moving staircases, and he likes to make jokes. A lot of jokes. Like moving the breakfast dishes around or telling me it's somewhere else, so I end up putting my hand in the juice or missing it completely and hitting the table. Lucy got tired of it in fourth year and would move my hand to where the toast actually was. Which really got on Jack's nerves. That is the 'it' she's still doing. Lucy seems to have forgotten the fact that Jack is not here. I'm surprised by this; she would have commented on how quiet it was.

"Lucy, I'm fine," I say slowly and clearly. I hope I get my point across with my tone and the raised eye-brow. The raised eye-brow is key; my dad listens every time when Mum does it. At least, that's what she tells me.

I can't tell what her expression is, but it seems to have worked; she let's go of my hand. "Oh, sorry." A pause. She's thinking. This is not good. "Where's Jackson?"

I shrug, trying to imagine her face by her tone. She sounds a little confused, probably wondering why he isn't here causing trouble, but she's also hopeful because, like I said, it's quiet. "I don't know. He hurt himself on holiday. His parents said they'd let me know."

She replies with a little 'oh' sound and I bet she's just nodded her head. She does that all the time, Jack says. _Now that_ gets on _his _nerves. Apparently, she should be more considerate of my inability to see. I don't care. I busy myself with eating my breakfast, Lucy does whatever it is she's doing, and neither of us speak until I hear the sounds of flapping wings and screeching. I have excellent hearing.

"Mail's here."

I ignore the birds and carry on with my breakfast, until a letter (I hope it's a letter) drops into my lap. I push my last bit of toast between my lips and pick it up. It feels like a letter. "You've got a letter," Lucy tells me.

Not only is my hearing more than adequate, but I have also mastered the infamous eye-roll. I make it look good. Seriously. I just hand it to her. If she expects a reason for it, I am not giving it to her.

She opens it; I pick up another piece of toast. She's quiet, reading it; I take a bite of said toast. "It's from Jackson's parents. He won't be in school for a while."

Good bye, toast. I cough it back up, ignore people's complaints. "What?"

"The idiot fell while rock-climbing; he's broke a few bones in his legs, yes, _legs_. He can't walk. He's in a Muggle hospital, and he'll be transferred to St Mungo's this afternoon."

I don't like Lucy's tone. She sounds like she's... Annoyed. What the hell has she got to be annoyed about? She doesn't apparently need help going up and down the death stairs! I ask her that very question. Almost. "Who's going to help me around school? He's the only one in all of my classes. He has to go to the library, too."

Okay, so it wasn't anything like the question. I'm not going to take my irrational anger for Jack out on Lucy. She's not afraid to hit me. I could do without her swift slaps to the back of the head while she tells me I'm being irrational... She says it enough already.

"I will," she answers. "I'll talk to Professor Digby and we'll arrange it so I can leave my classes a little early and meet you outside yours." Lucy squeezes my shoulder affectionately and I smile a little. "See? It'll be fine, Key. I promise."

I think she ignores my grimace. I don't like being called Key. In fact, I hate it. My name is Ciaran. With a C. I do not accept there being anything remotely _like _'Key' in my name. And worst of all; she knows this. She only does it to annoy me. And it's working.

So, I do the same to her. "Come on, Luce." I say, tapping her on the shoulder. "I've got to get to class."

"B-but," she stutters. "Breakfast isn't over yet."

I try to hide my smirk. It's so funny how she complains that all her family seem to do is complain about food and how she's glad she's not like that. Then she complains about missing breakfast. Does anyone else hear the word 'hypocrite'?

I sigh instead. "But I have to leave early, remember?" I don't really. Jack just likes us to so we can escape the crowds. He didn't tell the Headmaster that when we talked about it in first year; now we get to leave classes early. It's only five extra minutes. That may not seem like a lot to you, but to anyone else who has to sit through Professor Binn's class, it's a miracle others wish they had. Ha.

She groans and I hear her get up. "Well, come on then." She grabs my plastic stick or cane or blind person's helpy thingy as Jack called it the day we met – today I call it a stick - and then holds out her hand to help me up. I thank her. Not so much for helping me up, I was fine with that myself, but for picking up my stick; last time I tried to reach it, I fell on my ass and hit my head. Everyone laughed. It was not cool. So, I'm grateful when others get it for me.

See? Value. Don't you just love it?

The walk from the Great Hall to Transfiguration is relatively quiet. I find I rather like the idea of the sound of my stick beating against the cold, hard floor and letting it fill my head until it drives me insane, because the thought of Jack not being around is more than a little terrifying. I know it sounds rather selfish, but he and my tutor are the only reasons my parents allow me to come to Hogwarts each year; I honestly don't know what I would do without Jack in my life. He's my best friend, more than that, really; he's the closest thing to a brother I have.

I mean, I love Lucy and all, but scepticism doesn't even begin to cover it when it comes her decision to help me. She can be the easiest person in the world to get along with, but she closes up completely when it comes to her studies. You really can't get a word out of her; she forgets everyone and everything when she's focused on something. I fear for my life just thinking about it. Okay, I fear I'll miss my classes because I don't get up in the morning. But it's basically the same thing.

"Are you okay, CJ?" I smile a little; CJ I like. It's a nickname I'll allow, the only one really. It's my initials; Ciaran James. Yeah, that's me. Nice to meet you.

Lucy nudges my arm. I assume she wants an answer. "I'm fine," I tell her quietly. She sighs, but I don't know what she's thinking. I don't know what her expression is. Hell, I don't know anything. A feeling of dread fills the pit of my stomach and I swear it's beginning to rise. It's like bile. I hate it. I begin to realise just how much I seem to depend on my best friend.

Dammit.

I don't want this; I don't want any of this. None of this would have happened if I could still see. It's not fair!

Lucy rubs my shoulder and we stop outside of my classroom. "Stop thinking like that. Don't think I don't know; I know you well enough to know that this frown and the little wobble of your bottom lip and your eyes closed over, like you look right now, is fear." I feel her hand on my cheek. "You are either thinking about how dependent or low you feel. Considering Jack isn't here -" She called him 'Jack'. It's rare. Shocking. Well, not really. But she only says it when she's being sympathetic. I don't like that; when Lucy feels _sympathetic_, I feel _plain _pathetic. "I'm guessing you're thinking the first one. Well, stop it."

Ouch. I sense a lecture.

"You say you can look after yourself, but then something like this happens and you don't know what to do. But these things are always going to happen." She takes my hand. "Next time, it might just be that Jack has other things he needs to do and he won't be there, so you have to realize you don't _need_ Jack like you think you do, because _we _know you don't. You can do this, Ciaran. You can do anything. Accept it. Embrace it. Besides, you hate needing people. I see you grimace when you want to ask for help."

Oh, so she ignores my hate for the nickname 'Key', but _that _she sees. That's just evil.

"Okay, Ciaran?"

Like what she says is that simple. "Okay," I nod. What? My logic may be lost on everyone else, but _I _understand. That's what matters.

Lucy squeezes my hand. "Good. Now, I'm going to make a detour to Digby's office before Arithmancy; I agree the stairs are tricky." I scoff; she deserves it. "I'll see you later."

I watch my second best friend walk away. Scratch that, I listen to her walk away. My eyes are just in that general direction, which is _obviously _why I got confused… I hear a faint "Hello Lou," before I enter the classroom, make my way to my usual desk (the right chair on the end desk, closest to the door) and drop into my seat with a heavy sigh. I pull out my parchment and my enchanted quill, fold my arms over the wooden desk and rest my chin on top, just waiting for the lesson to start.

I take back my previous comments; I don't rely on Jack to help me around school. Without him, life is boring. Damn him. Of all the days to fall off a cliff.

When someone else enters the classroom, I'm hit with the oh-so-familiar fruity fragrant aftershave only one man in the entire school wears. I refuse to admit that it smells good. He can't have been that far away when Lucy said hello to him. I briefly wonder what took him so long before I realize that I don't care. What can I say? Not everyone thinks the world revolves around Louis Weasley. Not that I don't like him or anything; I just don't talk to him, or any of his family, except Lucy. I rarely ever saw Lucy's sister. I only ever spoke to Fred when Jack wanted something from the shop. I mentioned his love of making jokes.

The teacher begins the lesson and I know I'm in for a long, dull day. I focus my attention on the scratching of my quill. Yeah, my quill literally takes my notes for me. Awesome. And I'm the only one who is allowed to do this.

Be jealous.

I thank Lucy as she turns to leave and make my way into the library. Some people protest and moan when I hit them with my stick. Well, after six years, you'd think they would learn to move out of the way when they see me. It's not like _I _can see them or anything.

I hear my name and navigate my way to the sound. I know where I'm going; we've been sitting at the same table every day since we started Hogwarts. "Hey, Abby."

Abby is my tutor. She teaches kids with disabilities and she's been my teacher since I was five and started school. She takes my notes and turns it into braille and helps me with my wandwork so I can learn. That way I'm not left behind and struggling with my studies.

"Hey, Ciaran. Where's Jack today?"

Oh, yeah. She also teaches Jack. He's dyslexic, but he's gotten a lot better since Abby agreed to be his teacher in first year. She's the reason we both get to stay in school. I don't think we would have made it past those first exams if it weren't for her. Now, we're passing NEWTs. Well, sort of. Potions require exact measurements and other things I can't read.

"Jack won't be with us for a while; he's in St Mungo's after an accident. Teachers are sending him is homework." I hate the annoyed tone in my voice; I know Abby doesn't deserve it, but I've been asked the same question over and over. I sit down slowly and pull out my notes to hand to her.

"I'll go see him while you're in lessons and be back by four. We can't have him missing out, can we?" she laughs. "Does that sound fair, Ciaran?"

I nod. "I bet he can't wait to spend his time in a hospital bed, studying," I smirk. He deserves it.

"Is Lucy helping you instead?"

I pull a face. "Yeah."

"And how's that going?"

I'm still terrified she's going to forget and I'm going to die. Too dramatic? "I can't say; it's only been one day."

She laughs again. I don't think she's meant to laugh. She's meant to give me an alternate solution or at least offer her condolences. "Let's get started, shall we?"

And the real work begins. Can't I sleep instead?


	2. A Trace of Fruity Aftershave

**A/N:** Second chapter up and this story is officially complete, so updates should be frequent. :)

Sam.

* * *

Do you ever think that if you daydream long enough, the most random of thoughts will just pop into your head and you won't notice until you've already thought them?

Like right now, I'm wondering if the phrase 'keep doing that, then the wind will change and your face will stick that way' turns out to be true and I continue to roll my eyes, will it matter to me if my irises disappear and all anyone sees is white?

I bet that would freak everyone out.

I let out a soft chuckle; it's not often I find myself funny enough to laugh at. I kind of doubt others would find it funny, except Jack of course. This must be the weird sense of humor Lucy keeps informing me of. Oh, who cares? I like it.

"Are you even listening to me?"

Right. Crap. Lucy's speaking, telling me about... something she thinks is important. And I have no idea what that is. Double crap. I turn my head from side to side a couple of times, trying to pinpoint the general direction she could be standing, but I give up after a few seconds and just stare out in front of me. Not being able to find my friend; a consequence of not paying attention, unfortunately.

"Er," I stall and she sighs, dropping down onto the couch on my left. "Rewind; I want to make sure I got everything."

Nice save. Ciaran: 1. Universe: 0.

"You're an idiot if you think I'm stupid enough to believe that." Universe, Lucy beats us both. How do you feel being beaten by a girl? It sucks, doesn't it? "As I was saying, I think we're going to have to come up with another way to help you around school. I'm sorry, CJ, but I'm really not the best person to help you."

Yes! Oh, wait, she's apologizing; this is a sad time. I wrap my arms around my chest, more to stop myself from punching the air than anything else. "I understand, Luce, really. It's all good."

I really do understand. I don't want her focusing on me when she has her final year of Hogwarts to worry about. I'm actually surprised she lasted two and a half weeks without forgetting me. Maybe she really does love me more than school...

"You can breathe and finally be free of worrying," Lucy laughs. Of course she knows, do you really think I'd keep my worries from her, my best friend?

Okay, Jack told her when we went to visit on Saturday. Don't judge; I didn't want to hurt her feelings. I didn't except her to laugh, though, or tell me she'd be worried, too, if she were in my position. I may have already known that, but, as it turned out, it's still not something you actually want to hear. I refused to talk to her for the rest of the day. Well, until she gave me cookies. Damn sweet tooth.

"In every other way, I love this; we've been best friends since first year, yet this was the most time we've ever spent together," Lucy said, taking my hand. Yeah, people are surprised when they realize we're actually friends. They think we just sit next to each other in the Great Hall every day. "But I forget, you know that, I can't do things like go into the boys bathroom." We both laugh; yeah, she can't do that... Not that I need her to. I'd make everyone wait outside. "And I refuse to go into that dorm room. I don't know how you can sleep in there; you're the only normal guy in that room."

"Practice," I tell her, smirking slightly. It really did take practice; Hufflepuff lets in the strangest people. We're an awesome group of people, but strange nonetheless. Jack's obsessed with extreme sports, because he doesn't need to think about it; Simon loves collecting things; Declan believes in aliens; I want something I can't have.

Which of us is stranger?

"Why don't you get a seeing-eye dog?" Lucy sounds way to excited about that.

"My mum's allergic to them," I remind her. "And I can't walk a dog around school."

I don't know what she does, but she makes this little 'hmm' sound and tells me I might be right. She never tells me I'm right. This is a huge moment for me. I am savoring this moment. "We could find someone else in school who can help."

"Like who?" I ask curiously. "Do you know of anyone in all of my classes, who is willing to leave early and take me to the library and help me with my homework? Because I don't."

I can't think of a single person. But I know Lucy is trying to; she's really quiet. I'm scared. She starts mumbling, then she gets a little louder and she's going through a list of names. I don't know these names, I don't know these people. Does she know these people? I didn't know she knew so many people.

"Louis?"

"Huh?" Mr Fruity Aftershave. No. No, no, no, no, no. No.

"No?" Did I say that out loud? "Why no?"

"Because I said so." She swats me on the arm. Ow. "Look, Lucy, I know he's your cousin, but I don't even know the guy." Just his aftershave. "It would be awkward and weird and what makes you think he'd even say yes?"

"He's a good person who will gladly help you." She snorts before I even have a chance to say anything to that. "He may be a little bit of a pushover, because he just doesn't know how to say no. If you were trapped on an island and starving, he'd give you the last of his supplies if you asked. It's like he'd rather please you before himself now, because he _never_ used to be like that. _Now_, if I asked, he'd say yes."

I think about it. "No."

"Why not?" Lucy is actually protesting; she is producing an argument. She just cannot let it go. And I never win an argument against Lucy Weasley, so I doubt today is any different. "He's in all of your classes, he'd be willing to leave early, he's a tutor so he'll have no problem going to the library and helping you with your homework. He's perfect. And it'll be good for you to finally get to know more of my family; I intend to keep you in my life, so you'll have to eventually. Lou is the best one to know first."

I sigh. "I don't know. You and Jack are my friends; it's easy. I don't know about a stranger."

"He's not a stranger." I raise an eye-brow; she knows exactly what I mean. "He's my cousin and I trust him. And you trust me, so everything's fine." She swats me on the arm again, only lighter this time. "It'll be okay."

The swatting continues, until it becomes more like a persistent tapping on my arm until I feel the need to give in; nod, talk, something, just to make her stop. I stick to nodding, who knows what I might say. "Good." Thank God, the tapping has stopped. "Do you want me to ask him?"

"No, I'll do it." I will? Really? Mouth, I think your acting before Brain starts thinking. This is never a good thing. I must have a reason for this.

"Really?" Is that scepticism I hear?

"Yes. If you're going to let his inability to say no to anyone bring him into my life, I might as well ask him myself. You'll say great things about it, at least I'll warn him of what he'll be getting himself into." That'll give him reason to say no. Ah! I found my reason.

She's laughing at me. Is this a good or a bad thing? "You're not that bad, Key."

I'm just going to ignore that. "You can say that; you've never seen me at six am." She still hasn't, not even in these last two weeks; I've missed so many breakfasts because I've overslept. I'd probably look like a clown, too, except she had the courtesy of coming back after she'd gone for her breakfast and made sure I was up. Despite what the rumors say, no thanks to Daniel Scott, who is evil, I can get myself ready. It's just that I'm always half asleep and Jack got tired of it, which is why he lays my uniform on the lid of my trunk in the mornings.

Did she do that? No! She left me for food, which I missed! Damn Weasley.

"Are you really that bad?" More scepticism, only I like it this time; she doesn't believe those rumors, or any rumors, but the denial of _these_ rumors are my favorite. It'll come as a shock to her one day. Is it wrong to look forward to that?

"Maybe one day you'll find out," I tell her instead. I hope she doesn't notice the tiny curve of my lips.

She doesn't. That's easy to deduce from what comes out of her mouth next, all cheery. "Come on, it's time for dinner."

Luce grabs my hand and pulls me up, pushing my cane into my hands. I call it a cane today; I want to be different. "What's the deal with that thing?" she asks. "I mean, you know your way around here well enough that you hardly use it and you're never alone around school or outside. So, why do you keep it with you?"

I step back a few paces, tapping my cane against the hard floor, and stretch it out just a little. Everyone is going to dinner and it's not long before_ he_ trips over it. I know it's him, I could hear his arrogant little voice from across the room. Lucy gasps, asking if he's alright. He says he's okay and I know it's true; I would have heard him if he had hit the floor. I know he's glaring at me, he always glares. "You should really be more careful, Tyler. Next time you might land on your face, and we wouldn't want that now, would we?"

"Whatever, James."

I lift the cane up, hugging it to my chest, and turn in Lucy's general direction. "That's what it's for." I grin. Then I frown. Then I smirk. "You are shaking your head."

"I am shaking my head," she admits. She crosses the room, takes my hand and leads me out of the common room, to the Great Hall. "I don't understand what is going on between you two."

I laugh, swinging are joined hands back and forth just for the hell of it. Long story short, Tyler stole my football player collectable cards because people wanted to play with me and not him, so I hid his very expensive watch which was given to him by his grandfather. It didn't matter that we both got them back, it was war. I shrug. "We just never got along, you know that. He thought I was a freak after attention, I thought he was a spoiled brat wanting the attention. So, we annoy each other. It's all fun."

"No, it's all fun and games until someone gets hurt," Lucy scolds me.

"Are you afraid I'll get hurt?" I laugh softly.

She scoffs. "No. I'm afraid _he'll_ get hurt."

I squeeze her hand in my own. "I consider that a compliment from the great Lucy Weasley."

***

Dinner is a relatively quiet affair, between the two of us anyway. Everyone else is at their normally loud volume; people are laughing, joking, enjoying dinner. I like surrounding myself in the noise, feeling like I'm a part of the school without becoming involved. I'm more of the wallflower type, an outsider, and I like it. It's peaceful, it's easy.

Which is why I'm really not looking forward to talking to Louis Weasley. But I have to. Lucy will find out if I don't and just go to him herself and I don't want that. Oh, but what to say... I have absolutely no idea.

Damn.

"Hey, Rox, what's up?" I turn my head slightly to the left; Lucy is talking to her cousin, Roxanne. It's all hushed and quiet. Considering the fact that it's Roxanne Weasley, who hangs out with James Potter and whose brother is _Fred Weasley_, she's planning something prank-related and the less I know the better. I go back to my dinner.

"Thanks, Lucy," she says, and then she grazes her hand along my back as she leaves. "Bye, Ciaran."

I wave a hand, but say nothing. I don't even know the girl. We didn't say a single word to each other for years, then last year I get all this; light touching and flirtatious words. Truthfully, it does make me wonder exactly what my seventeen year old body looks like. That's all she can go on, really. She's really not my type and I kind of doubt I'm anyone else's. I stuff a bit of beef into my mouth. "I thought you said you'd talk to her," I mutter after I swallow.

"I did," Lucy exclaims. "I told her you weren't interested and to back off before she got hurt. It's not my fault Roxy decided not to listen."

"I don't think you told her the most important part that ultimately makes up the reason I am not, nor will I ever be, interested."

"Oh, so you do want people to know that you're gay," she whispers the last word. I drop my head; I give up. "See, I didn't know if you did, you never said anything, so I assumed it was personal and something you'd wanna wait until you were ready to tell. So, I didn't tell her that. But if you do, I will tell her tomorrow," she adds quickly.

I hold up a hand. "It's fine. Just leave it." I push my plate away and stand up, cane in hand. "I'm tired, I'm gonna go to bed."

"Do -"

"No," I shake my head, smiling. "I know the way, I'll listen out for the stairs and I'll be careful, I promise. Good night."

I hear her shout good night as I walk away and I wave to her. I'm barely out of the door when someone knocks into me from behind and I have to grasp the wall for support. They call out a rushed sorry as they continue to run and I very much doubt they even turned around.

"No problem," I call out to no one. "Thanks for that."

Then I get a whiff of whatever left a trace on my shirt.

Oh, great. Now I smell of fruity aftershave.


	3. What Scares Me Most

Homework is boring.

That is the only way to explain it. Well, it isn't; it's depressing, tedious, dull to the point of madness, just plain crap... I could go on for a while. But the point still stands - I'm bored.

I push back against my seat, moving my hands away from my Braille notes, and pick up my quill. I'm twirling it in my hands, imagining how many times I can get it to write 'Jack Ass Ryder' when I feel it. You know that tingly feeling you get down your back when you know someone's watching you? Yeah, well, I feel it and I don't like it.

I feel like they're glaring at me, like I'm in trouble and about to be scolded. I freeze, hand hovering over the table, quill falling from beneath my fingers; there's only one person here who could be even remotely mad at me. Damn. She figured it out. Well, it was inevitable. I straighten up. I just can't help myself. "Lucy, I've been expecting you."

...Well, I have.

She's leaning against the back of my chair now, I can feel her hands at my sides and her breath tickle my left ear. "Three days ago, you told me you'd talk to Louis about school. Today I find out you've been lying to me."

Okay, that is not technically true; I avoided her so I wouldn't have to lie. Big difference. But I am so not going to tell her that!

I say nothing, it's safer.

"You've been getting up early, much to your dorm mates' complete and utter shock, and leaving before me, letting me believe that you've talked to Louis." I wonder how long it took for her to figure this all out.

"I told you I could take care of myself." That is probably the stupidest thing I have ever said. Lucy's hand plus Ciaran's head equals serious head injury. Ow. I grimace and rub the spot where she whacked me. What the hell happened to her 'Ciaran, you can do anything' speech? "I'm sorry, but it's true." Why the hell am I still speaking? Shut up, Ciaran. Shut up! "For three days I got up, dressed myself and made my way around schoolaccident-free, staircases and all. I'm fine and you know it, so please stop babying me."

Silence. Lucy moves and sits next to me. "I know." She's calm; I like it. This is good... I think. "I'm not enforcing this because I don't trust you or think you're incapable. I'd rather you do it yourself, you know that, you have to sooner or later. I do this because your mother worries too much and will want to pull you out of school if she finds out and I don't want you to leave. So, I'm being selfish; why didn't you talk to Louis?"

"I couldn't find him and you were busy." Technically, I just didn't look but even if I did, I don't think it's ever wise to interrupt Lucy when she's busy, Jack understands that best. I don't bother to hide my smile, thinking of that memory. I wonder if Lucy knows I use that against him when he tries to speak against her. That might get me back on her good side. Just.

"What are you smiling about?" I shake my head. "Good. Now if you won't talk to my cousin, I will. I want you to stay in school and I know you want that, too."

I do want that. I have more freedom here, I can do what I want, take care of myself... Despite what this conversation sounds like. I do everything myself, just with a friend constantly at my side. At home, my mum is always worrying. I think the memory of the car still freaks her out.

"But..." Please don't guilt trip me. Please don't guilt trip me. Please don't guilt trip me. "That won't stop me from telling her."

Worse. Blackmail. How evil. What's worse than that is that I_ know_ she'll do it and I don't want to deal with my mother. I shudder still thinking about the letter she sent after she heard about Jack's accident. Her promise to come to school and talk about my 'situation' wasn't needed when Lucy told her she was there for me in the reply. Lucy thought it best not to tell her that she was passing that 'responsibility' on to her cousin. My mum knows Lucy not Louis; she'd wanna check him out.

Have I mentioned how much I actually do love this girl by my side? Despite this horrible situation she's putting me in, which I won't let her get away with so easily. It doesn't mean that I don't love her.

I hope my glare shows how much I am not liking what she just threatened me with, but I nod. "I'll talk to him tomorrow." That'll give me tonight to come up with something to say. She kicks my leg under the table and throws something into my arms; my cane. "Or now, I can go now." I stand up. "I'll go find him."

"Good. I left him in the library, he should just be leaving. You can catch him going to Ravenclaw tower." I don't like that smug tone she's got going on. Oh, no. She did not do what I think she did. Did she?

I swallow down nausea. "Aren't you coming with me?"

"No," she scoffs. "You can take care of yourself."

I want to scream. I really do. Seriously, isn't that the exact same thing I've been saying for the past two and a half weeks going on seven years? I think back to my first year. I officially met Lucy after about a month here and we were all sat together at dinner, Lucy, Jack and I, and the freedom got to my head; I loved it and I wanted more. So I told them that if we got to Abby first then my mum would never know I wasn't being escorted around. Jack reminded me that we were in the same classes and now seeing the same tutor so to suck it up because we were stuck together. Lucy scoffed and said "fat chance, it's either you or Molly."

She chose me.

I wonder what she'd say if I re-requested that. "Go, Ciaran."

On second thoughts, it's best not to chance it. Besides, it wouldn't work anyway; Mum became good friends with Digby and he'd tell her everything. She's smart, my mother, all Ravenclaw. I leave quickly and climb the few stairs to the Ravenclaw common room. I'm not exactly sure where it is. It's kind of a guessing game from here on out; which way to turn, if there is a turn, where to stop. I could be here for hours.

I should have made Lucy come with me; she knows this place better than I do... It doesn't take me long to figure out that this is my punishment. Using my right hand as a guide, my cane swinging lightly in my left, I feel around the wall while I walk until it turns and I know to turn with it, crashing right into someone.

"I am so sorry," I call out, hands in the air.

"It's fine," she tells me. I don't recognize the voice, I don't actually know many people here, not really. She takes my hands, though, and brings them to my side. I'm glad for that and I thank her; knowing me I'd have stood like that for a while. Oh, the awkward memories. "Can I help you?"

"Maybe, did you just come from the Ravenclaw common room?"

"Yeah," she replies.

I nod. That's good. Or bad, depending on how you look at it. "Is Louis Weasley in there?"

"Oh." She sounds unhappy about that. "No, sorry." She takes hold of my arm, ready to lead me somewhere. "Would you like to wait for him inside?"

"No," I tell her quickly. I really don't need an audience for this. I lean back against the wall, her hand falling from my arm. "I'm happy to wait here."

"Are you sure?" I just nod again. I don't know what to think of this girl; she sounds so... Pitying. I hate it. She has to leave. "Okay, then. I'll see you around."

I call out a good bye and I wait. Lucy said he would be leaving the library now, it wouldn't take that long. I really hope it does, though. I have no idea how to do this, I have no idea what to say. I have all of these different scenarios running through my head and not one of them seems appealing. No, this is all going to go horribly wrong, something always does around me. And -

I turn my head to the left; light whistling, the jingle of something metal being moved around, fruity aftershave. I let out a deep breath, preparing myself for whatever nightmare this will turn into, and hold my cane to my chest. Then I look down at it - you understand - and let it go, lifting it up so it's sticking out in a horizontal line.

He walks into it, I know he does; I feel it hit something hard, I assume it's his chest. "Can I help you?"

I lower the cane slowly, managing a small smile; I do have manners after all. "Louis Weasley?"

I don't want him to think I already know it's him, then I'd have to explain why. He really cannot know why. "Yeah," he says slowly, elongating the word, like he's being cautious. Why he thinks he needs to be cautious, I have no idea and doubt I will ever understand; I have more reason to be cautious than he does. "Can I help you?"

I hold up a finger; partly to start my little list of reasons why I'm here, mostly to keep him quiet. It's my speaking time. "First of all, I'm only here because Lucy is mean and selfish and if this is what it takes to make her happy, so be it."

I don't say what it is exactly that will make Lucy happy, nor do I mention my benifit. If my suspicions about what she did is true, he already knows.

He makes an 'oh' sound. "You're Key, aren't you?"

And there it is...

"No," I snap quietly. Harsh yet quiet. I actually rarely ever shout; people think that's weird. "That is not my name! Do I look like something you stick in a door?"

"Hey, calm down," he says softly. I fear I upset him a little; he actually does seem to have a constant need to please people, he obviously doesn't take people snapping at him very well. I imagine his bottom lip is wobbling and everything. Oh, God, I hope not! "I only know what my cousin calls you."

Ah, defensive. The guy's stronger than he... Sounds. You get what I mean. "Sorry, I just don't like it very much. So, I'm here for Lucy."

"Then I know why you're here." I try to continue, but he really likes to interrupt me, it seems. "She found me in the library and asked how everything was going. Once she saw my confusion, it didn't take her long to figure out I knew nothing about it and you were lying to her."

Again with the lying; it's not lying if they don't know. Not that that's the right way to go though life. Truth will out and all, as you can tell. My mum like to say honesty is always the best policy; judging from what I did, I tend to listen to my dad. He has the right idea; women can by scary. Maybe that's why I'm gay...

Right. There's a point to why I'm here. And he's still talking.

"What?"

"I said Lucy must really love you if she'll do anything to get you to stay," he repeats everything for me and I have to agree; some wouldn't bother. "Though, I didn't think she'd ask me to help her boyfriend; even with her 'schedule' she'd never trust a family member with her personal life. Though, I suppose I could be an exception, considering second year..."

Whoa, whoa, hold everything. I hold up my hands, bringing his ramble to a complete stop. This must be fixed before the thought brings the world to an end. "I am _not_ Lucy's boyfriend!"

"No?" I shake my head quickly, I hope the disgust I feel is as evident on my face as it is in my gut. I mean, there's nothing bad about Lucy, any guy would be lucky to be able to say they're dating her, but, not even talking about my own... preferences, she's like a sister to me; it's just too weird. "Oh, I just assumed because you spend all your spare time together, or as much spare time as Luce can," he laughs softly. I don't, I'm still freaked out. "I know there's another boy in your group, but they don't seem the type."

That's such a nice way of saying they hate each other, isn't it? Not that I really believe any of it. It's love, I swear! I will prove that eventually!

"Actually, every time I hear about Lucy it's 'her and her blind boyfriend, Key'." The name has spread. No! Must stop that. But at least people are now accepting the fact that we don't just sit next to each other, even if they did get the completely wrong idea. I should add 'they thought I was straight and dating Lucy' to my list of reasons as to why no guy will date me.

Is he still talking?

"Right, so I'm here because Lucy asked me to be, so my mum wouldn't find out and pull me out of school, because we both want me to stay. Since my tutor can't do it, she's with Jack during the day," I actually don't think I thought of Abby, but now that I mention it, she really can't, "Lucy thought you were the only logical choice. So, will you do it?"

"You really want me to walk with you from one class to another, then to the library every day until your friend gets back?"

I hate it when people sound patronizing. It makes liking them so much harder. I shrug. "You know what, don't bother. I was only here for Lucy."

I turn to walk away, I just want to go to bed, but I don't get far. Louis grips my shoulder with his hand, forcing me to stop. I feel his hand turn around on my shirt, so I think that he's turning to face me. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to upset you or make you feel bad in any way; I just meant that we don't know each other, you're trusting my cousin's word that a stranger is a good idea. Are you sure?"

"I trust Lucy, Lucy trusts you." I consider that my best reason.

He let's go of my shoulder. "She told me your mum would be too worried to want you to stay, she sounds like a very protective mother." I shrug; she is. "Lucy would be very upset if I said no and you left." Oh, God. Does that mean...? "So, yes, I will help you."

"Really?"

"Yes," he says, chuckling softly again. "I understand Lucy's reasoning; we're in all the same classes and I go to the library every day anyway. Walking with you is no problem. She also added 'come to Hufflepuff and make sure he's awake' to this; since I get up early, how hard can that be?"

I hold back a scoff. He'll see just how hard that can be. "So, since 'Key' is not allowed, what is your name?"

Ha. "Oh, no, I can't tell you that," I smirk.

"What? Why? You know mine, I can't go around not knowing yours," he whines. He really whines, like a little girl, it's so funny.

Revenge is the reason I won't tell him; he deserves it for what he did the other day. My shoulder really hurt afterwards; I just can't allow that. "You knocked me into the wall, called out a halfhearted sorry and continued running. I could have been really hurt for all you know, but you didn't stop."

He's quiet for a while. I honestly believed he had no idea who it had been he'd run into, that he'd been too wrapped up in whatever he was doing to stop, which kind of makes him like Lucy in that respect. This silence so proves my belief. He starts stuttering; it's quite funny to hear, I can only imagine what his face looks like; all red from embarrassment and his mouth hanging open. "It may have been a little rushed, but I truly meant it and I am so, so sorry. I was late; I had to rush dinner to get to the -" he falters at the end. "I had to go," he finishes lamely.

I hold up my cane, waving it in the air until I get it to point at his chest. I push a little to hard and he groans in pain. "Sorry. I don't need to know why it happened, just take your punishment; figure out my name."

"That's it?"

"Yep." I roll my eyes. Honestly, I'm a little confused; I may not know everyone in the school, but everyone knows me, or my name at least. They usually associate it with pity, but don't actually care, though, so I ignore them all. I don't need that. But Louis not knowing me at all? Being able to introduce myself and know he had no judgements or assumptions about me? It's like Christmas for a four year old child; I feel all giddy inside.

I may actually be liking the guy. He's still being punished, but I'm liking him... No, not like that!

"Can I at least have a clue?"

"No, that would defeat the purpose; punishment."

"And my punishment is for not stopping to see if you were okay?"

I shake my head. "You knocked me into the wall, I hurt my shoulder." I hear an 'ah' sound; he finally gets it. "If you really are going to listen to Lucy, I'll see you tomorrow. If not, hopefully you'll look where you're going next time we meet in the halls," I smirk softly, but you can't blame me for my scepticism; this has never happened before.

I don't need to wait for the staircases to change, I'm glad for that; the quicker I get back to Hufflepuff, the quicker I can go to bed.

I have no idea how tomorrow is going to go. I think that's what scares me the most.


	4. Common Ground

Do you know what's really annoying? When, as much as you wish you were in such a deep sleep that you can't feel or hear a thing, you're actually waking up.

I usually get over this relatively quickly, hearing my roommates getting ready for lessons while I stay in bed, waiting for the inevitable silence to lure me back to bliss, or sleep - it always does if I wait long enough. After six school years of sharing a dorm with the same people, it's safe to say I've gotten used to their noisy routines, just as they've gotten used to my inability to get up willingly (I seriously cannot explain how I managed to actually do that for the last three days! I actually think they're grateful that the world has been set right).

So, what's annoying this morning is the constant stab of something being pushed into my side. Whoever you are; cut it out!

I'd tell them this, but I'm sleeping... Mostly.

"Do you have a death wish?"

Wise words, what's-your-name. Drill them into him of you have to... Yes, I do hear everything.

"Lucy said to do whatever means necessary or he won't wake up."

I take back what I said yesterday. I don't love her, I hate her. I hate all Weasleys. There is no place for them in my life, they need to go away. Or, as there's only one by my bed, he needs to go away. Now. I groan and bury my head under my blanket.

"Come on, K -" He stops before he can finish that horrible non-name, therefore he lives another day. "Hey, what's his name?"

Wait for it. "We can't tell you that; he swore us to secrecy. He says you have to figure it out."

"And you are listening to him?"

We're getting there. "Yes."

"Why?"

"We don't have a death wish." There it is. It's so good to know I have my dorm mates on my side, life threatening not included (not from me; they just still remember what Jack did to Tyler in second year. Which is a story for another day). I swear if you moved my blanket out of the way you'd see a smile on my mostly sleeping face.

"Well, what am I meant to call him then?"

"The point of his game is for you to focus on figuring out his name, not figuring out what to call him now," what's-his-face laughs. I think it's Declan, go Declan. "This is his thing; his games. If you don't play, he'll only make it harder." I hear a pat. "Good luck, Weasley."

"Fine," he mutters. "I'll play." I don't hear anything more; everyone else must have left already. I know he's still in the room, though; I can smell him. He throws something in the air, it bounces in his hand when he catches it, and I'm being poked in the side again. Only this time it's getting higher; my side, one rib, another, another, my arm... He pulls back, removes my blanket from my face and upper back. I feel a chill. "Lucy said whatever means necessary, so believe me when I say I can do this for a while." Another prod, on my back this time, from something plastic. Hold on, he is using my own cane against me. What an ass!

He pulls back, I count, and I hear him move... I reach out and grab it, yanking it from his grasp and dropping it to the ground. It rolls under the bed. "Amazing reflexes," he says, awed apparently. "How'd you do that?"

Seriously, did he really think he was the first to poke me with my cane? I got used to it. More importantly, I learned from it. I turn my head from his direction to the windows. Come back, sleep. Quickly!

"Oh, no, you don't!" The whole blanket is gone and it's so cold, I jump up from my bed. I sit on my knees, my arms around my bare chest. I glare in his general direction. "Good morning," he calls out enthusiastically, and then he whistles. Why is he whistling like that?

I shiver involuntarily, saying nothing; I should have known Lucy would have got to him. This is what I get for choosing to sleep in just my underwear.

Oh, crap! He can see me in my underwear!

I am at such a disadvantage, not being able to see to find my blanket again. I uncross my legs and jump off my bed quickly. Though potentially hazardous, I'm jumping anyway. I push past him, or try to - he must have moved out of the way - glaring the whole time while on my way to the bathroom. I've already got my toothbrush in hand and to my lips when I curse the fact that I left my uniform on the top of my trunk and have to go back out there like this. For his sake, he had better be gone.

I brush my teeth and wash my face at a slightly slower pace than I normally do; I'm obviously not as late as usual. Besides, I can tell from what Lucy's told me that he won't come banging on the door demanding I hurry up like Jack. But he also won't leave me like Lucy. I hope he's a bit of both and is waiting in the common room, I can handle that.

But something tells me he's still there when I open the door; that 'I'm being watched' feeling is back. I manage to ignore it the whole way to my bed; I get my uniform from the lid of my trunk and pull out clean underwear before I stop everything. There are many things I will do and many things won't do in front of people - taking off my underwear is definitely one of the things I will not do.

"Are you seriously going to watch me get dressed?" I ask, not bothering to turn around.

"No," he says quietly. I hear him getting off Jack's bed; the one on my left, closest to the door. He moves to stand right behind me, his chest pressed to my back - I really hope he didn't just hear that deep intake of breath - and he drops something on my bed. My cane. "I was just making sure you weren't going to fall back asleep. I'll be waiting in the common room."

The moment he's gone, I fall forward on top of my uniform and groan into my shirt. Why me?

I dress relatively quickly, pick up my cane and head down to the common room. I'm not exactly looking forward to this, so I want it over and done with as quickly as possible. Since I can't use magic to make time go faster, I hope speeding through the day myself will help instead. But he stops me at the portrait door. Yeah, he's not helping.

His hands go to my shirt. "What are you doing?" I ask quickly, about to move away.

"Relax," he laughs. "You unbuttoned the top buttons wrong."

I stay completely still while he's touching me, trying not to hold my breath and keep it even instead, and the moment he moves back I run my hand over my shirt; it's smooth, bump-free and buttoned right with the top still open. The way I like it. "Thanks," I mutter. I'm not used to other people touching me. "We can go now."

The door opens and I step out first. "Right," he says quietly. "After you."

Considering I already did that, I assume it's sarcasm he didn't want me to hear. So, I just ignore him and walk away, my cane at the back of my neck and my arms over it so it doesn't fall. "Do you actually use that?"

"...Yes." I do, just not in the way you're normally meant to. Except for when I need to at home of course. "You don't have to fill the silences with random small talk, you know."

"I want to talk to you," he tells me, sounding slightly disappointed. Is it because of what I said? Does he think I don't want to talk to him? I was only putting out there just in case, not that I really know what to say to him; he's only here because of Lucy after all. "I can't believe that you've been friends with Lucy for so long and we haven't spoken, because I talk to Lucy all the time."

"Well, me and Jack have to go to the library to our tutor after classes and we're there for a while. Lucy has her own work to do and all, so we don't see each other again until dinner, then the common room. Hence why people didn't think we were friends for a while. Which begs the question; why do they think we are dating?"

I have to know.

"I don't know." Louis Weasley, he's just so helpful. Not.

I remove my cane from my neck to swing it lightly in my hands; my arms are starting to hurt. Louis guides me into the Great Hall to Hufflepuff's table and the first thing I grab is a piece of toast. I don't want to stay here; I want to get to class.

"Morning, boys."

"Morning, Lucy," he replies.

"Bye, Lucy." I glare and walk away.

"Any trouble?" I hear her ask.

Do you know what he replies with? "Nothing I couldn't handle."

Dick.

Yeah, I went there. Nothing he couldn't handle? Ha. If he could've handled the 'wake me up' situation, he wouldn't have stooped so low as to actually take my blanket away. I must add to his punishment, something suitable for his crime. I'll come up with something in Charms while my quill takes my notes and he has to write. Yeah…

I'm almost out of the door, wishing I'd picked up another piece of toast because I'm almost finished and still hungry, when the devil catches up to me. I can't believe Lucy thinks he's nice and helpful, well maybe I could if he weren't related to her; she corrupted him from a young age. "Here," he says softly, placing a napkin in my hands. A napkin filled with... Toast!

You know, I might just be able to forgive him for this morning, pin it all on Lucy's influence and punish her instead. "Lucy told me to give it to you."

Or maybe not. And here I thought he'd taken initiative, but no, he listened to her. He's digging himself a hole he can't escape from, he really is. "Thank you," I reply, taking a huge bite. I'm _so_ hungry and I'm a growing boy. Breakfast is the most important meal of the day, don't judge me.

Jack thinks I eat too much toast, that it's an addiction. He's one to talk; his need to throw himself off things for leisure is an addiction. One I'd rather not live with, I'll stick to toast thank you very much.

"Are you always thinking?"

"My brain never shuts up," I tell him, slightly thrown by his question.

"What are you thinking about?"

I'm mostly honest with my answer, which I give him just before I enter the classroom, breakfast finished. "Toast."

I make my way to my seat, always at the back so I can leave quickly with little interruption, and he sits in Jack's usual seat. I hold back a sigh; I miss Jack. It's just not the same without him, to not hear his jokes in my ear and comments about people which my quill picks up and writes down. I've lost track of the comments Abby has given us about reading his words in my notes. We shouldn't make up stories about other people apparently. Personally, I think _What's Their Story_ is a cool game. I wonder if Louis has ever played that game, or is he too nice?

This could get boring...

I pull everything I need out of my bag and hear Louis do the same. Once everything is sorted, I resume my usual position; arms folded over the desk, chin rested on top, eyes closed.

Eyes open. I turn to the left, to the devil who just elbowed me in the arm. "Do you always sleep in lesson?"

"I don't sleep, I focus on the teacher's voice so I understand the lesson and can fill in any blanks my quill might have missed," I tell him. It's only a half-lie; I never intend on falling asleep, sometimes it just happens.

"Your quill?" As if on cue, the lesson starts and the teacher is speaking; the quill moves across the parchment, taking the notes which Abby will turn to Braille.

"That is so not fair," he whispers. He continues to mutter about that and I hope that it's quiet enough for my quill to not pick it up. I don't mind my quill picking up any conversations, but it's at least got to be interesting.

"Why do you not know who I am?" I ask quietly. I've been wondering this since last night, but I ask mostly to change the subject and distract him from whatever he's saying.

"My family say I live in my own little bubble," he replies, a small laugh escaping his lips. "Maybe they're right; I'm not the most sociable of people. I'm usually in my common room or the library or with Lucy, who only calls you Key, or the -" he stops suddenly before continuing. "Around."

Around? Ha. I believe that, probably not the way he meant it, but still... Remember when I said I hear everything? It's so true... I raise an eye-brow, I'm curious as to what he actually means now and that doesn't often happen. But he carries on speaking before I can ask anything. "I don't let people gossip when I'm tutoring them, so they don't talk about others, and when I do hear about you they call you Key. Lucy's influence, I assume considering you hate it and it's really only Lucy they can talk to. From what she said, you and Jackson rarely leave the other's side. This is a first. You must miss him."

Correctly deduced. A Ravenclaw through and through. "I do, he's like my brother."

"I miss my brother," Louis whispers. Ah, the boy with the girl's name. Not my words. Okay, not just my words. "He was in Ravenclaw, too. He's like my best friend and I don't know what to do now he's graduated. It feels lonely now, like I have no one, even though I have cousins here. But they're not Dom, you know."

The professor came our way then and we shut up quickly, silent for the rest of the lesson. But I walked out of the classroom feeling like I had more in common with the man by my side than I previously thought.

That's a good thing, right?


	5. Awkward Moments

It's all so quiet.

Well, not really. I can hear people speaking in hushed tones around me and the scratching of quills on parchment, but between me and Louis there is silence. Shame, I thought he really wanted to talk to me after this morning.

I think a lot of things, though, sometimes all at once. I also think he might be sulking. In every lesson we had today, he watched me take out my quill, muttered about it being unfair then shut up for the rest of the lesson, only speaking when I asked a lesson-based question. During our free, which was right after lunch, we stayed in the Great Hall so Louis could finish marking an essay for his tutoring lesson this afternoon and I was so bored I almost wanted to do some homework. That's up there on the 'what the hell, Ciaran' scale with getting up early.

I feel like I'm being punished more than he is. Damn.

...For the record, the 'what the hell, Ciaran' scale is real; Jack, Simon and Declan made it up and use it whenever I do something they consider 'out of character'. Personally, I think they're insane.

"What are you thinking about?"

I glance up from the desk to his voice, we're at my desk in the library and he's sitting across from me. I'm surprised he's able to give me the time of day; he hasn't stopped writing since we got here an hour ago. I, unfortunately, have nothing to do while I wait for Abby to get here.

"I've been watching you for ten minutes and you haven't noticed, so you're thinking about something."

Did I say something out loud again? Or does he know how to read minds? Oh, that would be awesome... And slightly terrifying. I wonder what it would be like to know what others are thinking about you. Would you even want to know that? Deep down.

I've confused myself!

...And I haven't answered his question. Why do I even want to answer his question? The git's being punished. Oh, yes, it's because I have manners. "The scale my dorm mates came up with."

"Scale?"

I laugh quietly. "The 'what the hell -" I stop; I almost told him my name. "The 'what the hell' scale, when they think I do something I normally wouldn't they go 'what the hell' and they give it a sort of scale of one to ten on how crazy they think I am. Which is not fair because they don't have one for Jack or Lucy."

"Oh," he says. "What's a sort of scale?"

"Instead of numbers, it goes from 'oh' to 'oh, my God' and 'what the hell'. Hence the name of the scale," I explain.

"Interesting. I have one for Lucy." I raise an eye-brow, this is brand new information. "It's called 'you're crazy'."

Oh, it's not new. I've heard that before...

I think this is the longest conversation we've had all day.

"So, what were you thinking about so hard that it was actually the reason you didn't notice I was watching?"

"What makes you think I know when you're watching? I can't see you," I remind him.

"You tense up when you notice, like you know when you're being watched. I found this out this morning when you came out of the bathroom."

"Oh." I never noticed that I tense when that happens. Interesting... No, I don't care. I fold my arms onto the desk and lean forward, but then decide not to rest my chin on top. Instead I spread them apart and thread my fingers together. "I didn't know you were talking to me. This is the first actual conversation we've had since you told me about your brother in our first lesson."

"Is it?" he asks, sounding genuinely surprised. When I nod, his tone turns teasing. "I had no idea you cared so much."

I glare and move back. "I don't. I'm just not good with boredom, I get agitated."

If patience is a virtue, then I guess I'm _still_ undeserving.

"Sorry," he says softly. "I guess I'm just not used to spending all day with someone. I focused too much on class again."

I did it again, didn't I? I forgot about his need to help others and I've upset him because he thinks he's done a bad job. Crap. "It's okay; it's a new situation that's all. Hey, we may not even have to get used to it. Jack won't be gone for very long. The only reason it's been this long is because of some nerve damage. He's a bloody idiot."

"So I hear," Louis replies, laughing again. There I made it better. Apparently I can do that. Awesome. "We're waiting for your tutor, right?"

"Right," I nod. "Her name is Abby; she turns my notes from class into Braille for me to study and helps me with wandwork. Jack helps me with potions. Are you good with potions?"

"Good enough," he answers. "Tomorrow will be fine."

I give an appreciative nod, though I kind of hope he inwardly knows he'll just be making any potion himself while I watch because that's the only way nothing will be ruined. I am just terrible at potions, and I think I would be whether I could see or not. I change the subject, turning when I can hear footsteps. "Is this Abby?"

"No," Louis tells me.

"How longs it been?"

"One hour and twenty-three minutes."

"Then where is Abby?"

"She's not coming."

I jump out of my skin. Literally. Seriously, what the hell? I ignore her evil laughter and Louis asking me if I'm okay, while he tries to hide his laugh, and just focus on stopping my heart from jumping right out of my chest. I really don't think I mean that figuratively; my heart rate is faster than I've ever felt it.

"God, Lucy, are you trying to kill me?" She answers with more laughter. I turn to glare at Louis when he slips and lets out a chuckle. "Warn a guy next time. Don't just say no when I ask if someone's there, tell me who the bloody hell it is, or my death will be on your conscious."

"Well, I wouldn't want that," he says and I just know from his tone that he's still smiling.

"Ignore him, Lewis, he's just being melodramatic."

That gets to him. "Stop it! My name is Louis!"

She ignores him. "Abby sent a note saying she was unwell and apologizing for not coming today. I'm going back to the common room." Lucy squeezes my shoulder gently. "I'll see you later. Sorry for scaring you."

Neither of us speak for a while; I don't know about him, but I don't want to talk to him. Not now, not ever. He really is a dick, I don't care what anyone else says about him, and I am definitely adding to his punishment.

I hear him move and the next thing I know he's sitting next to me. "I'm sorry, I wasn't expecting that to happen or see your expression, and I shouldn't have laughed. I promise that if it's ever to happen again, I will tell you exactly who it is and I won't laugh."

He pushes my hair back and I lean away from him automatically. I feel this is something I should really get used to, but I'm just not used to someone else touching me. "Sorry," I find myself saying. "I'm just not used to it."

"It's fine."

I smile softly, and then I bite my bottom lip. Damn him. It's the aftershave, I swear. It's everywhere. It's getting to me. It's evil.

"Are you okay? You went from smiling to frowning in, like, a second."

I probably did. I won't disagree with him. But I'm not telling him why; I'm not ready to embarrass myself completely. "I'm okay, I was just thinking about something."

"Thought as much."

I swing my arm out to swat him, but he grabs me easily and drops my arm to my side. "So, what was it your tutor was going to do today? I can't write in Braille, but maybe I can help with something else."

I'm grateful for the change in topic; we're going back to business, so to speak. I clear my throat. "She was going to help me with the wandwork for Charms." My eyes widen slightly when I remember how Abby helps me. "But you don't have to do that," I add quickly.

But he stands up and takes my hand. When I pull away, Louis just takes it again, holding on tighter the second time. "Come on, stand up." He pulls slightly when I don't move. "I will lift you up."

I think about not moving, wondering if he actually could, but I'd rather not chance it. I stand up slowly and he turns me around so my back is to him. Louis let's go of me and I hear him turn the pages of my book to get this morning's lesson. I had it open when we first got to the library, but flicked through the pages before I closed it out of boredom. Now I'm glad I did; his distraction might give me time to run.

"Here we go."

Crap.

He picks something up from the desk and places it into my hand; my wand. Louis covers his right hand over my own while his left grips my hip. I stop breathing for what feels like forever, and then it comes out kind of ragged. This is so strange for me.

I really hope he doesn't notice. If he does, he doesn't say anything; he just talks me through it, moving my hand as he does so I can copy. The first time I try, he still holds my hand. The second time, his hand moves to my hip. I get it wrong the second time, but it's not my fault I can't concentrate with him holding on to me.

"It's okay," he whispers, gripping my hand again, and he talks me through it once more. He moves closer, pressing my back to his chest like in my room this morning, and his scent seems to completely take over.

I have no idea what's going on in my head or his, but there's one think I do know; if he was sulking before, he's definitely not now.

***

After the library incident on Thursday, I kept my distance. I sat in the corner and practiced my wandwork while Louis tutored someone I don't know. Then we met Lucy at Hufflepuff on our way to dinner and I made sure she was between the two of us the entire time. I'm pretty sure my actions confused them because I heard them talking about me in the Great Hall. I just ignored everyone until Roxanne came over and suddenly Declan's alien conversation became interesting.

Lucy and I left Louis in the hall and went back to our common room. She tried to ask me what was going on with me, but I shook my head and didn't answer, going to straight to my room.

On Friday, I actually got up first time, but that was mostly because I hadn't slept much the night before. It was quiet all through our classes, breaks and lunch. We barely talked in the library when I went through my Braille notes; Abby was still ill. Dinner was pretty much the same was Thursday.

And I'm not entirely sure why.

I narrow it down to awkwardness. I'm new to this entire situation and I guess that, like Louis, I'm still unsure how to handle having someone new in my life, however brief. But I think he's handling it better than me.

What happened in the library really freaked me out, I felt things for another that I'd never felt before, that I'd never been able to; it's not like I've ever been able to stare at a guy and talk about what I find attractive, like my cousin does.

Not that I could ever see myself doing something as girly as gossiping about boys; that would be weird.

I don't think I like Louis, I've never really liked anyone. I think it's because he's only the second guy to ever be so close to me in any way (although the first one doesn't really count; it was basically light flirting and touching and me realizing why I'm not interesting in girls). It was new and different and a little scary, but I'll get used to him being around me and the feeling will pass.

Thank God I already know I'm gay, otherwise that would have come as a big surprise. That definitely would have freaked me out; he probably wouldn't be standing next to me right now.

"Are you okay?" He asks me that a lot. "You've been ignoring me since Thursday afternoon and I'm not sure why."

"I just had something on my mind, but it's fine now, I think." I don't say anything more and wait for Lucy to come back. We're at St. Mungo's to see Jack again. Digby is always nice enough to let us use his office fireplace to floo to the hospital. My mother's influence, er, friendship, I'm sure. Jack's talking to his healer first and Lucy's gone to see how much longer we have to sit in the waiting room and, well, wait.

The door opens. "Come on, then."

Louis and I follow Lucy to Jack's room. "So you're not ignoring me anymore?" he asks hesitantly.

I don't turn to face him. "No."

"Oh, good." He sounds relieved. "Here."

Louis holds open the door for me and I make my way to my chair; the one closest to Jack's bed. Then I lift my feet up and rest it on the edge. "Hey, trouble."

"Key." I glare. "Hey, stud."

"Is he talking to me?" Louis asks from my left. I nod. "Why?"

"They like to make up stories about people," Lucy reminds him. "This is what I believe to be the most ridiculous."

"Why? What is it?"

What is it? It's the reason I know he's been 'around'. Oh, I still don't know whether I want to laugh or throw up now that I remember it. Part of me hopes Jack doesn't mention it, that he makes something up and changes the subject. But the universe is not that kind to me; Jack laughs and he's cocky and smug.

"Rumor has it you were with Tyler Davies in an empty classroom not far from Hufflepuff."

"What?"

"Told you it was ridiculous," Lucy says.

But Jack's not done yet. "Hey, Key, wasn't it you who told me that?"

Louis' in my face, I can feel his breath tickle me. "How the hell did you know that?"

"It's true?!"

Ciaran: 1. Universe: 1. Well done.

"Next time you wanna do something like that, make sure you're alone first," is all I say.

"Oh, my God," he groans. Lucy repeats her question, her voice louder than the first time. "Yes, Lucy, it's true," he sighs, sounding slightly scared. Maybe he should be; she always thought he was the innocent one, a good boy through and through. He's not; it's the only social setting he's good at apparently.

Uh oh... "Jack, am I really bitchy in private?"

"Yes and in your head."

"Oh..." Okay, world, Ciaran's secretly a bitch. Get used to it.

I don't hear what Lucy is muttering about, but Louis groans into my lap and I'm getting awkward again. So, so awkward. I want him to move. Universe, I'll give you an extra point if you move him.

...The universe cannot be bribed.

He lifts up his head. "What else do you know?" Louis whispers. I raise an eye-brow and rest my cheek into my open palm, my elbow propped on the arm rest. It's all I can do not to push him away.

I really don't deal with awkward situations very well.

"I need to know what I'm getting myself into by helping you," he continues. "Are there any more surprises I should know? What do you know about my personal life?"

"Only what I was there to hear... And what I heard about you and Meyer."

He groans again. Seriously? No bloody way.

"That's true?" Jack asks and it's the first time I've heard him so genuinely confused and unhappy. "You went out with Justin Meyer, too! Do you get a kick out of sleeping with all of our enemies?"

"He's not our enemy," I remind him.

"He's friends with Daniel Scott; we hate him. Leave."

"Stop being melodramatic, Jackson," Lucy says angrily. They're always angry with each other. Love can do that... I take it Jack was telling Louis to leave.

"I don't deal with traitors. He should not be a part of our group."

"I now understand why you don't know why he doesn't have his own 'what the hell' scale," Louis mutters. He stands up. "And for the record, both of those relationships were so brief, they might as well have been purely physical, sorry Lucy. I went out with each of them for a couple of weeks at most and dumped both primarily because of their bad words against you... Well, against Lucy. Also, because I didn't want a relationship, but that's not the point."

And I thought this would be awkward. I tap Jack with my foot and I hear him yelp. Oops. "What did the doctor say?"

"Oh, I can walk again, well, a little, and it's just my left leg that is still healing, but Healer Jones said I can go soon. I'll probably be using crutches, though. You can help me around school, right?"

"Is he smirking?" I ask Louis, who says yes, and I give him a smirk of my own. "That's what Louis' for."

"Well, I think the traitor can handle two jobs."

It's silent for at least a couple of minutes and I'm a little scared about what I can't see. I hate silent conversations.

"Lucy said no," Louis speaks at last. "I'm only helping the sneak in the chair who knows more about my life than he should."

"But you said it yourself that we rarely leave each other's side," I remind him. "Would you really ignore someone in need right be your side?"

I'm not so sure I should have said that; Jack can't stop laughing, his smug tone filling the room; Lucy is snapping at him (again); Louis' either been stunned into silence or is choosing to watch rather than comment. The second option makes him relatively smart.

"Well, I'm going to the restroom," I announce, getting to my feet. That shuts them up.

"You remember where it is?"

"Lucy, thanks to Jack I practically live here; I can find the restroom."

"I'll go with him." I groan and open my mouth to tell him I'm fine when he presses his lips to my ear. "Please don't make me stay with them."

And that shuts _me_ up, not just because of his proximity; my crazy best friends are a handful when together. It's best not to spend too much time with them at the same time. I nod and we leave their room and whatever their new argument is about.

Welcome to the group, Louis. Gonna run away yet?


	6. Clearing the Air

I love Sundays. There's no school, no one making do homework and, most importantly, absolutely no getting out of bed. I refuse to get up until dinner this evening and no one is going to stop me. Although I'm not so lazy that I'll go down to dinner in my pyjamas again (it's how the rumor that I can't get myself dressed spread). Admittedly, I was twelve and wearing dragons. Now I'm seventeen and wearing a plain, dark green top with black cotton pants (I know because Delcan pointed it out when he got them out for me. Weird, right?); I could actually get away with that.

If this is heaven, I died a happy man.

And the door opens. I'm getting the feeling that the saying 'all good things come to an end' is very much true when it comes to me because even the little things that make me happy have a habit of disappearing.

I groan into my pillow.

"You actually _are _still in bed," he says quietly, yet disbelievingly. I don't know why, you'd think he'd get me by now. "You really do love your sleep, don't you?"

"Not one of my better traits," I mutter honestly. "It's too early."

"It's one in the afternoon."

I don't even resist the urge to not roll my eyes. "Like I said; early."

Go away. Go away... Louis makes his way over to the bed. He kneels down in front of me, I can feel his breath on my face and my fingers brush his arm when he folds them on my bed.

Oh. There's no sleeping for Ciaran just yet. I say just yet because he can't stay here forever... Can he?

"I just want to talk to you about yesterday," he tells me softly. If he wants to keep me awake, he should really talk louder.

"What about yesterday?"

"What you heard. What you think," he mutters. Ah, now I understand what he means. I don't understand why he wants to tell me. "I'm not like that. I've only ever been with three guys in less than two years."

If he wants to defend his actions, shouldn't he be telling Lucy this? I'm so confused and being half asleep is not helping that. But he still continues. "Yes, I was with Tyler in that classroom, but I should have clarified in the hospital; I did not sleep with him, we were just kissing. We were seeing each other and we were on our way to Hufflepuff and he saw Lucy, he took me to the classroom instead because I'd already said no to Ravenclaw. They're the biggest bunch of gossips I've ever met and I wanted the relationship private. Kissing was as far as it got. Despite what Lucy tells you, I _can_ say no."

I should hope so...

"As for Justin, it was a couple of weeks and a... A date," he continues, hesitating slightly at date. I understand what he means, I don't know why he hesitated... Unless Meyer's bad in bed. Please universe, let him be bad in bed.

...Was that jealousy? Uh oh.

"Neither lasted very long," he says, still keeping that soft, quiet voice, but I'm now wide awake. "Tyler was talking about Lucy and her 'idiot friends' as he put it, I didn't like it. And Justin started talking about something Daniel was going to do to you all and how great it was going to be and I just got up and left. I dumped them for who they were, but it would have happened anyway."

"Why?" I find myself saying. Why? Why do I want to know?

"We spent all day together on Wednesday and I still forgot and ignored you, can you see me in a relationship?"

"That was one time, you were getting used being in a new situation. You got better," I defend him. I'm absolutely defending him as someone who can be trusted to help me, so he doesn't feel bad at all because I don't want to deal with an upset Louis. It has nothing to do with him being in any relationships with anyone, specific or otherwise, because I don't care about that. At all. Nope.

"Yeah," Louis says and he sounds a little happier than when he came in. "Well, I just wanted you to know that I'm not like how it might have looked. I don't do that."

"Why did you want me to know?"

"I -" He stops himself and seems to really think before answering. "I don't know really. I guess it's because we spend all day together; I'd rather tell you the truth now than wonder if you're jumping to conclusions and giving me weird looks."

I have to laugh a little; if it had bothered me, I'd have given him weird looks from the beginning. I tell him just that and then he has to laugh while he agrees. "Who was the third guy?"

Oh, Ciaran. Why can't you just let it go? But he answers me. "My first. He lives in France, near my grandparents. He was just a summer romance, you could say. I didn't see it going anywhere; he was a few years older than me. I came back to England and he met someone new. Anyway, I'll leave you to sleep now. I just wanted you to know."

He gets up and walks away. He's probably almost to the door when I lift myself up from my stomach and call him back. "I'm not a gossip, people talk about me and I hate it, I would never do that to someone else. I heard you and I told Lucy, Jack was there, too, and he heard. They didn't believe me, though, for different reasons I'm sure. It was rarely spoken of after that, only when Jack wanted to get a reaction out of Lucy. No one else knows, we never told anyone. And it was Davies who told me about you and Meyer, he probably thought the same as Jack, being 'enemies' and all. He thought he'd get a reaction, but it didn't work and I don't think he told anyone else either. I just wanted you to know that."

"Thank you." I smile, nod and lie back down. I feel better, maybe I can sleep again. But then he's back at my side, in the same position as before. "Can I ask you a question?"

I nod slowly, if it means I get to sleep afterwards I welcome his question. But when I feel his hand trace the side of my face, near my eye, I wish I could take it back. I don't want his question. "What's it like?" he whispers.

I shrug in reply, then sigh. "It's like someone turned the lights out and I can't find the switch. It's been so long that I don't remember where the switch is."

"How -"

"That's two questions." I interrupt him, burying my head in my pillow. "And we've run out of time. Join us next week for another episode of Awkward Talks."

Laughing softly, Louis gets up. "I'll see you later."

My lip curves up a fraction. "See you."

As soon as the door closes, I lift myself up to turn my head and drop back down like dead weight, thinking of Louis.

Man, that's bad timing.

***

"It's five thirty, Earthling."

I really hate the alarm clock Declan got me last Christmas. It wakes me up by talking to me. It's not just a beep or some music, it _talks_ to me. And it calls me 'Earthling'.

When you can't see what it is, you have a habit of forgetting you have it and hearing that weird, whiny voice and 'Earthling' can really scare you.

No? Just me? It terrifies me.

It takes me a few minutes to turn off the damn thing and I literally crawl out of bed, getting off my hands and knees once I feel for the door.

I don't have my stick (it's a stick today), I left it in my room, so once I find the wall at the top of the stairs I lower myself down. When I was little, even before I lost my sight, my parents would tell me to sit on my bum on my way down the stairs because then I wouldn't fall. I admit, I still do that when I'm lazy or tired. Today is a bit of both.

Sliding down marble is just not that same as carpet, it can hurt, but I'm careful, even though a little cold. I wish I had put socks on before coming down, but I don't wanna go back up the stairs, so I ignore the chills and continue to the couch. I get a little grouchy when I hear voices, they know I like my corner on a Sunday. But then I recognize the voices, particularly the male voice on the right.

"Jack?"

"Hey, CJ. Told ya I'd be out soon."

"I didn't think you meant the next day." I move to sit in my corner (on my left) and put my feet up on the table. They're nudged slightly when someone steps over and Lucy sits in the space between the arm rest and my leg, her legs over mine and stretched out across the couch. "Who said?"

"Shush, you took my seat," she says, getting comfy.

"I look at you two and it amazes my why people think you're together despite the fact that one of you is gay." Jack is heavy on the sarcasm. Although, now that I know about that rumor I'm starting to see it more. I don't care and this probably won't change, but I get it now.

I change the subject. Quickly (the thought still makes me a little ill). "Why did they let you out today?"

"I told you, I can walk. I just need crutches because of my left leg," he explains, chuckling. "They put on a stronger cast because I wouldn't wait until the end of the week. If I spent another moment in there, they'd have to move me to the psych ward. I refused."

Lucy tuts. "Personally, I think you'd fit in that ward very well, Jackson. It literally screams home." He mutters something I don't hear and she cuts him off. "So, what did Lou want?"

I don't know what to say; Louis wanted me to know, but did he trust me to keep it quiet? Was I to keep it a secret from Lucy? He trusts his cousin and I'm not entirely sure why he's so secretive, but it's his life. I decide to play it safe; if she wants to know more than I tell her, she can go to Louis herself. "He told me what happened that day; they were only making out, no sex."

"So, you were wrong?"

I hope my shock looks genuine. "No, I was right; I said he was with Davies in the classroom, I never said anything about sex."

Truthfully, I didn't care. I do now, it seems, but I didn't then. I'm still not exactly happy about that, it's odd, but I think once I cleared my head I started to understand.

"Luce, you can like someone after a few days, can't you?"

I hear them both gasp. Jack gasps?

"Oh, no."

"Really?"

I roll my eyes. "No, not like that. I don't have those feelings for him. God, it's only been four days."

"Never heard of love at first sight?" she asks with a smug tone and she runs her finger down the side of my face again. I surpress a shiver, remember Louis and his question. "Well, kinda."

"You're evil," I tell her, glaring, and Jack agrees with me. "But I do like him and I think that -"

"Oh, no."

"Really?"

"Please say no."

I hold out my hand and, as always, they shut up. I love that; it's the only thing I've got. "Yes, Jack."

"But he's a traitor!"

"I don't care," I innunciate each word slowly. "I think Louis should stay. We can add another member to our group."

"I don't even like that she's in our group, at least she hasn't dated people we hate."

He lets out a small yell in pain. "I hate them, Lewis is impartial; he doesn't count."

"Two things. Did you kick him? And why Lewis?"

"What makes you think I kicked him?"

"Your legs are by his and your hands are on my chest."

"Oh. Brilliantly deduced. Well done," Lucy approves. "I'll explain Lewis later, I'm hungry. Go get dressed."

"No. Just be thankful I'm wearing underwear this time."

Yeah, I decided to just leave it. Screw Scott, his bullies and everyone else. I'm too lazy and tired to want to get dressed. They both scoff (yet they think they have nothing in common. Yeah, right...) and stand up. I hear clanging metal on the floor. Jack's crutches, I bet.

You know, I think I'll leave my stick upstairs. Jack's got enough for the both of us. Let's see how he likes it...


	7. The Perk to being Me

"I'll see you both tomorrow, yeah?" Abby messes up my hair just because she knows I hate it, then moves away. "And you stop sulking," she scolds, obviously to Jack. "I'm glad you're finally out of hospital, it's not been the same without you two together. See you, Louis."

"Bye, Abby."

I wave and listen to her leave. Abby came back Monday, saying she felt much better, and thanked us both for the card we didn't even know we'd gotten for her, let alone signed. I appreciated what Louis did so much, I almost sold my soul in return. Almost. I'm not that stupid. I'm not even sure why he did it, I just know that he talked to Lucy.

But, like any guy faking doing something they didn't actually do, I accepted her gratitude with a smile, told her it was no problem and returned the hug. It was in everyone's best interests. I introduced her to Louis that day, he chose to stay with us to finish his homework. Well, he offered to move first, but Abby said it was fine, that he had to stay so she could finally meet the only other person able to put up with me in the mornings. I was outraged; of course he could put up with me, he was only helping less than a week!

...I mean, I'm not that bad!

You know, it's not even worth lying to myself. My name is Ciaran and I like my sleep, thank you very much.

Louis and Abby get on very well, it turns out. After two days, you'd think they'd known each other forever. I think he'll fit in just fine in our little group.

Oh, right, I still need to tell him that...

Jack groans and stretches before I can even open my mouth and his crutches echo on the floor. "Alright, I'm off. My healer says I still need to do my walking excerises for my leg, so I'm going back to the common room. You coming, Key?"

I grimace, but bite back my many comments; it's the only name, hated or otherwise, that Louis knows, as he still doesn't know my actual name, so it's the only thing others can call me around him. They're loving it, Jack and Lucy, I can tell.

I almost want to tell him my name. But not quite. He keeps trying to get people to tell him, but my people work quickly, and by people I mean Declan and Simon, and no one will tell him. Personally, I think it's more because they just don't care than wanting to help with his punishment/my amusement.

Not that it matters; I still get what I want. I always get what I want. I guess that's just the one perk to being me. And by me I mean well off parents and rich grandparents who like to spoil their favorite grandson.

It's a... Hard... Life.

There was something I wanted to say... Oh. "So, what did you think? Hanging out with a couple of nutters and me?"

He chuckles quietly, we are in a library after all, and I hear the thud of a book being shut along with the sound of rustling papers. "Not bad," Louis finally answers.

"Just not bad?" I ask, trying to sound casual. "So, you wouldn't want to hang out with us more often?"

It's quiet for a moment and the next time he speaks, I almost jump out of my skin and I stand up because he's right next to me. "Why? Want me to?"

"Don't do that again!" He laughs at me, so I shake my head. "No, not anymore I don't. I change my mind; you are not allowed in our group."

"I'm sorry I scared you," is all he says and I bet the devil can make a sarcastc comment sound sincere.

"You're lucky I like you," I glare. "Or I wouldn't still be stood here."

"I am lucky you like me. And for the record, you're not so bad yourself." I know that tone, when your voice is low and quiet and flirtatious. Only two other people in the world have spoken to me that way; the guy who made me realise I was in fact gay (that his name escapes me really shows just how much _he_ mattered) and -

"Here you are." Oh no. Roxanne Weasley. "Hey, Louis."

"Roxy," he replies.

"How come you're still here, your lesson's already over and Jack's gone?"

How the hell does she know that? Not just that, how the hell does she know anything? Well, almost. "He's hanging out with me, Rox. Would you like to join us?"

"Y-"

"No."

"No?"

I shake my head a little to quickly; I feel woozy. "No. Roxanne, here, is very busy. She has to go."

"I'm completely free, I promise," she tells me, running a finger down my chest and giggling. I hear Louis hide a snigger by coughing. Whether he's laughing at the situation or whatever expression I'm probably not hiding very well, I don't know. Not that Roxanne notices any expression, she never seems to. Ever.

I remove her hand from me hesitantly and let go. "But you will be busy because I want you to do something for me."

"Really?" she asks, her voice raising with obvious excitement.

I feign the same excitement and can only hope I pull it off correctly. "Really. Do you like games?"

"I love games."

"Me too!"

"We have so much in common," she whispers. I swear she moves just that little bit closer to me, invading my beloved, personal, Roxanne-free space. Please make her move.

"You have no idea," I finally answer her, trying not to smirk at that. "I have a game for you, Roxanne, a very new game called What D'ya Mean? Wanna play?"

"She just nodded," Louis says from behind. "She's very enthusiastic about this game."

I ignore him; though I'm grateful, I'm just a little busy. "So, I'm gonna give you a clue about my life and you have to figure it out. Sound good?"

"Yes."

I give her my most convincing grin; it just screams 'excitement' with 'leave me alone' hidden underneath. You'd be a fool not to believe it. "Here it is: It's not the female population of Hogwarts that you have to worry about."

Silence. For about a minute. It's the longest it's ever been. "What do you mean?"

"That's the fun of the game, you have to figure it out." I push her backwards gently and lead her away. "The moment you figure it out, you let me know."

"And you'll be right here?"

"I'll be right here."

"What if you have to leave?"

"You'll find me," I promise her. "You always do."

I swear I'm holding back tears, more so when she tells me that's true. I concentrate on her, until I can no longer hear her muttering or her footsteps. In the few seconds it takes for her to disappear from my hearing range, Louis has figured out exactly what I meant.

"You're gay," he says, sounding quite shocked by that.

"You're quick," I reply.

"It took me a little longer than it should." I scoff. "I was thinking maybe it was due to the fact that you don't talk to people, that you were saying you won't be seeing anyone. But it was your tone that convinced me; I got a 'there's a reason you can't have me' vibe."

Yeah, she's my stalker and she's insane; it wouldn't happen if I were straight either. I roll my eyes and hold out my hand. "Right. Come here please." Louis takes my hand immediately and I pull him in front of me; he hits the bookshelf. "Sorry."

"Call us even."

I smirk. "I'm still not telling you my name." He says damn, I laugh. "You're gonna play lookout for me, Louis. Where's you're cousin?"

"By the librarian's desk," he says. "You know, she not bad once you get to know her. She must really like you if she's like this; she's usually -"

"Normal?"

"I was going to say not as forceful or direct." He's being nice, of course he is; it's who he is and it's his cousin we're talking about. But I can so tell he wanted to say yes. I felt him tense; Lucy does that when she doesn't say something she wants to. Must be a family trait.

"I'm sorry, Louis, but this is the only Roxanne I've had the pleasure of meeting. She didn't talk to me at all until last year," I remind him. I lift my hand to his face, run my finger down until I feel his ear, then move closer. Let's see how he like it. "When she's gone and shes far enough away that she won't see us, we run."

"A little mean, don't you think?"

"She scares me. Help me."

"Okay," Louis murmurs. "But I have two things I wanna say first." I raise an eye-brow, even though he's in front and can't see me. "One, your breath is tickling my ear, and two, you smell like caramel. I love caramel."

And it's time to move back. Damn those desserts at lunch, which are always so good that I take more and eat them in lesson. They're just so delicious. I try to forget about the cakes and focus on his words. "You know for someone who proclaims himself to be an anti-social workaholic who can't handle a relationship, you sure do like to flirt."

"You called it flirting, I was just stating facts."

I glare. Damn him. He could have been, they were all true, but I know he wasn't. I could tell. "Stop watching me and be look out."

He laughs. "You did again. It's like your own little radar, you just know. So, you're really gay."

I feel for the desk and lower myself down, glad that I don't feel like I'm being watched anymore. "Yeah, so?"

"I'm just glad I know," he replies. I frown; I don't understand. I ask him what he means, feeling oddly cautious. "It's good to know you're in my league, is all."

Now I have to laugh. "In your dreams, Weasley."

"Whatever you say," Louis says in that quiet, flirty tone again. I hate that tone. "But fair warning, I've already told you that I'm the dreamer in the family, the one who spends most of his time in his own little world, and I have a _vivid_ imagination."

The universe hates me and has an ally in Louis Weasley.

Ciaran: 1. Universe: 2.

That score will _not_ last.

"I can't see her anymore," he says at last. Finally! I can get out of here and to Hufflepuff, where it's normal and sane (for me) and there are no Ravenclaws.

He passes me my bag and stick and takes my hand. "Explain," I demand, holding up are still joined hands. Why are they still joined? I'll find out.

"If I see her, do you want me to know exactly where you are so I can hide you quickly or do you just want to wander and hope she doesn't see you?"

I admit, I hold on a little tighter. He better not be smug about it, though I think he's not going to tell me that. "I'll accept this time. Go."

Chuckling (I hate it more than the tone), he leads the way, holding my hand behind his back so I'm right behind him. He stops every few seconds before he continues, which I can only guess is him checking she's nowhere near, but we make it out of the library without her seeing us. It doesn't take us long before we're at Hufflepuff and I open my mouth to say the password, but it's already opening.

"Hey, guys. I was just coming to find you," Lucy says. "Extra work in the library, Lewis?"

Louis makes a weird noise. I imagine smoke is coming out of his ears; it's a funny picture. "No, we were talking," he finally tells her.

"About what?"

"So nosey," I pretend to complain. I change the subject before he can tell her; she'll only use it to her advantage. Lucy has been hinting about things that should not be hinted about ever since she got the wrong idea about me liking Louis. Now she won't let it go. Apparently we're perfect for each other.

I don't see it... And I don't just mean that literally.

I can only imagine the horror I'd go through if she knew he was flirting with me. Oh, wait, 'stating facts'.

"So, Louis has to go now, I bet he's got homework to do."

"No, I'm mostly up-to-date, I can do the rest later," he says.

"Cool," Lucy replies way too enthusiastically. "Since Key has probably already told you he made you a part of our group, you should come in and hang out with us until dinner. You can even sit with us."

"_You_ made me part of your group?" he asks. Damn, I did. He wasn't meant to know that. It sounded like it had been a group decision in the library. I hate you, Lucy. "I would love to."

He pulls me in and sits me down on the couch and he's on my left. I pretty much ignore any and all conversation until I hear my name, then my head snaps up.

"Are they -?" Jack's voice.

"Shush." Lucy's voice.

"But why?"

"Jackson!"

I'm not liking this. I only know that it's about Louis and me, so I focus on Louis and me. Then I know.

Ciaran: 1. Universe: 2.

Louis: 1.

Because he's sitting there outright laughing... And he's still holding my hand.


	8. He Knows Me

I ignored Louis after the hand-holding incident, actually I ignored them all. Childish? Maybe. But I've learnt that they always seem to be amused by my reactions, and I refused to give them one. So I didn't speak at dinner, no matter how many times they tried to get me to say something.

People say I'm too stubborn for my own good. They're right, I know this. When I was a kid, I would sulk for ages if I didn't get something I wanted. I didn't scream (at all) or cry (much), I just sat there with my arms folded tightly across my chest and did nothing, I wouldn't talk or eat or let them touch me. I could do that for hours. Still can.

This is what they are all calling this, all three of them; sulking. And it didn't just last that night. I didn't utter a word when Louis woke me up or at breakfast, Jack said Louis can keep that job permanently, but he'd given up talking to me. By the time we got to class, I had figured out what he was doing; nothing. Just letting me do things my own way. I wouldn't be surprised if he had understood why I was ignoring them, though he may not know the exaact reason as to _what_ caused it; it's to get to Lucy.

When Louis' around, she is more subtle about what she thinks. But once he's gone, it's full on talking about me and Louis and him holding my hand. It's more because it doesn't get to her cousin than just not wanting him to know, I think. He knows a lot more about what she thinks than he's letting on, because I know he understands what her subtle words mean, but he doesn't say anything. So, he knows and he must just ignore it. He _has_ to know.

If we had known each other longer, I'd have accepted his silence; I'd have done the same. But we haven't known each other that long. That's the only thing that gets to me. So, Lucy is being ignored, the others only to prove I won't pull a face they can laugh at, and Louis let me.

It continued well into Friday afternoon; I spoke to Declan and Simon, to teachers, to Abby, but not to them. Not until the afternoon.

Our second to last lesson can _technically_ be called our last, because what's a last lesson for others is our free period, the only one Lucy shares with us, and Abby let's Jack and I have this Friday off. So we spend it outside, while it's still September, still warm. We're by the lake. I lie on my back in the sun, can feel it warm my skin; my face, arms and chest (I opened up a few buttons a while ago). It's not too hot, but warm enough that the light breeze can keep me cool.

Lucy and Jack are in the middle of a heated duscussion, about what I have no idea, it's something new everyday, and Louis is quiet. But I know he's still here; the wind carries the scent of his aftershave my way, and he's close, too; I can hear him breathing.

I don't turn my head when I hear the crunching of grass on my right. "Mind if I lie here?" he asks quietly.

"No." My first word in front of them and neither of the other two hear, just Louis. He lies close to my side, his hand brushes over my arm when he moves it, but he's not too close as to cause Lucy to notice. She notices everything when she's looking for it. "What are they doing?"

"Arguing about Jack using his crutches," says Louis. We keep our voices quiet. It's peaceful out here and I don't want to disrupt that; does he thinks so, too? Or is he just copying me? "He thinks he should be able to walk without them when he's not in a crowd, so he can heal. She thinks he should listen to his healer and use them for the two weeks. He's only got a week and two days to go."

"He gets bored easily."

"You don't."

I finally turn my head. "What makes you say that?"

"I've never met someone who can ignore people for as long as you have," he admits. "Not even my brother, and he is _good_."

I smile, but make no sound; I don't want the others to notice yet. The longer I can put off Lucy saying something, the better. We're having a nice moment and I want to enjoy it before it's ruined. "Can I ask you a question?"

"Anything you want," he whispers. He sounds like he could fall asleep at any minute. It's completely understandable; the sun, the breeze, the calm and the quiet, it's like nature's very own lullaby. I've fallen asleep many times while here.

"Do you flirt with everyone?"

He laughs softly and I hold my breath as I wait, but they still don't hear. "No." For some reason, I'm glad to hear that. "I mostly focus on school and family, but I do still date and I flirt. I don't think much of it, though."

"What do you mean?"

"Flirting feels more like a casual thing to me, than a way of showing someone you actually like them. So, I'll flirt with a guy if they're cute but I have no interest in taking it further. Or if we've just met and we're having fun and know that it won't end in much more." As he explains this all to me, I feel more and more inclined to like him. I don't have to push him away for thinking he might like me, I don't have to worry that it's too fast because it's not been very long. Everything's fine, Louis and I are fine, Lucy can stop with her comments and Jack can stop saying I'm leaving for the dark side. "Why do you ask?"

Feeling so much better about everything, I simply shrug and relax on the grass. "I just wondered. I can be nosy like that."

This time, when we both laugh, it's louder and they finally realise I'm talking. They use that as a way to get my opinion on their little debate. Well, I say opinion...

"Tell Jackson he's being stupid and should listen his healer!"

"Tell Lucy she's not my sitter and I can do as I please!"

I don't hesitate with my answer. "I think that if Jack wants to be an idiot and ignore the healer, why stop him?"

They both take offense to that, Jack for practically calling him an idiot and Lucy for kinda agreeing with him, but it's only Lucy who says anything. "CJ!"

I pull myself up quickly, Louis follows just as fast because his shoulder knocks into mine almost immediately, and I give her the mother of all glares. Damn her!

"CJ?" Louis asks. "That's your name? Well, I assume they're your initials, but I can work with it. CJ, I like it."

I only just hear what he says. "I hate you, Lucy."

"Sorry," she says, though she doesn't sound as if she is at all. It was probably her revenge for not siding with her; she's always ruining my games when she's mad at me. I suppose I should be glad she called me 'CJ' and not 'Ciaran'; he still has to figure out my name, he just has a smaller list to work with now. "Free period is long over now, I'll be in the library, I have homework to finish before Hogsmeade tomorrow. Good bye, Jackson; Lewis; CJ."

Only Louis answers her, I bet he's only being polite. "I'm gonna go, too. My leg's starting to cramp. I'll see you guys later." His crutches crush the grass as he leaves; I knew he'd still use them.

"So, what now, CJ?" I narrow my eyes, more so at what Lucy did than at him. But he misinterprets that. "I can go back to Key if you want?"

I dread the thought of that name sticking any longer than it has to. Since it doesn't have to... "CJ is fine, you deserve a clue after all."

"I will figure it out," Louis promises. "What now?"

"I just want to sit here and enjoy the sun," I answer. To leave would mean moving and I don't want to do that. Besides, it's not like I have anything better to do. "What do you want to do?"

"Get to know you better."

"Besides my name, haven't we all told you enough?" I grin. But it drops quickly when he runs his hand down the side of my face, just like he did in my room. He doesn't ask what I think he does, though.

"How do you know when I'm coming?" I tap the side of my nose. "That's what my siblings do when they want me to keep my nose out of their business."

I like his siblings. But that's not what I meant. "My sense of smell." I guess it's time I finally told him. "You're the only one in this school with that aftershave."

I hear him sniff. "Oh. It's French. My grandparents got it me one year. I'd never had it before and wasn't sure, but they talked about how expensive it was and I felt bad about not wanting to use it. So I used it everyday, so I could use it all and have something else. But they decided to get me a bottle every Summer when I visited and again at Christmas. It's not bad actually, but I very much look forward to something new."

I swear to God, if he gets rid of his aftershave, I'll kill him... I did not just think that!

"Interesting," I force out. Of all the things to say...

"Not really. Can you really tell what a person's like just by by touching them?"

"You watch way too many movies," I laugh.

"I only watched them when I used to stay at Uncle Harry's or Ted's," he tells me. "Can you?"

My laughter dies down a little when I realize he genuinely wants to know, but I don't lose my smile. "I don't know, I've never done it before."

"That would be weird, do you think? Knowing things about a person just by touching them, it sounds more like a super power," Louis says.

I agree; imagine that actually working. I admit, I'm intrigued. I wonder how much I can figure out about Louis with just my hands. I stand up before I have a chance to change my mind. When am I ever gonna get this close to him again? This is a good excuse... Er, experiment.

"What are you doing?"

"Stand up."

"Are we leaving?"

I shake my head and hold out my hand. He takes it and I pull him forward. "I wanna try it. Lucy says you have blond hair and blue eyes; that's all I know about you physically." I raise my hand to my hair and move it across; it stops at his forehead, just below a small fringe. "About an inch or so taller than me."

Both my hands go to his face and run down his cheeks gently. "Slightly round face."

My hand goes back up to his forehead and down. "Straight nose, kind of small. Girly." He snorts and his nose crease; he obviously disagrees with my joke. "Thin lips, they're chapped; you bite your lip." That was just a guess, but he nods. I continue my path down, until I reach his neck. I hesitate, but Louis urges me to continue. Swallowing my nerves, I start at his shoulders. "Strong upper body, stronger than me anyway. Toned, but not overly so; you excerise, but not all that often. You're still in shape, so you try. You can't really tell unless you're this close, you have more of a runner's build. Do you run?"

"Every morning, for about an hour, before I wake you up."

"You wake me up at six thirty!" I counter. Seriously? I just can't imagine me getting up that early!

"I'd wake you up later than that if I thought you'd actually get up on time," he says. "But you don't. So I'm not."

I ignore that and carry on. I stop at his hips. "And that's as far as I go in that direction," I mutter, but he hears me; he pretends to be disappointed. I go back to his arms, go down to his hands and hold them in my own. "You use your hands a lot, but not enough for them to be _so_ rough. It's something else. You write; more than just homework?" He says no. "Something else, something that requires your hands."

It's all quiet for a moment, while I think. I'm thinking purely innocent things, by the way. He does it often, I can tell, so it's gotta be something he loves. I've never been around him for whatever it is, so it's private, somewhere he can be alone. Lucy's never said anything about a hobby, so she either doesn't know or he's made her promise to keep it quiet. I don't think it's anything bad or he wouldn't love it. What would I do that would require space and time alone if I were him? I know what I do as me, though I can't here as there isn't one. But he doesn't do what I do, he's not a -

Artist?

"What?"

I spoke out loud again, but I'm glad this time. "Art. Do you paint?"

He snatches his hands away. "How did you know that?"

My eyes widen. "I'm right? You do art."

"Yeah, but how did you know that?"

"I thought about what I would do if I were you from what I had to go on; you use your hands; no one knows so it's private. I thought about what I do; I'm a very different type of artist, but it made the most sense."

"You're right; piano playing is a very different type of artist." I raise an eye-brow; I didn't know he knew that. But I don't actually call myself an artist; I think of performing arts as more drama and dance. I prefer musician; it makes me sound cooler. "You have long fingers, suitable for playing the piano. My grandmother tried to get me to go to lessons, but I never got the hang of it. Plus, when you're bored or nervous, you move your fingers and it looks like your playing. You don't even realize."

...I still do that? I shrug. "Yeah, I play. My primary school teacher taught for an hour me every day after school from the age of five. I practiced at home and at my grandparents and I fell in love with music. It's my thing, you could say. See, it's not just me who notices things, I just use my hands rather than my eyes. Does that answer your question?"

"Yeah and I was right; it's like a weird super power, I don't think I'd have thought of artist."

I smirk and lie back down. I want to enjoy the afternoon in the sun. "Yeah, well, you're not as brilliant as me."

Lying with me, Louis agrees in amusement. "Probably not, no."

"Questions for you," I start. "Is your brother as good looking as people claim him to be?"

"Better," he says. "But he's straight."

"Don't ruin it," I moan, but I get the feeling he sees right through it. It's like he understands me, he knows me.

Almost...


	9. Below the Belt

I barely noticed September leave us, but I did notice the change in weather, the September taking the Summer sun away and giving us all Autumn breeze and false hope. Seriously, you go out thinking it's warm and it's actually freezing. Although, I should have learned by now that Jack lies and should not be listened to.

I focused more on what was actually going on around me. Louis really became a part of our group. It seemed as natural as breathing to include him, like he'd been with us forever. By the time October rolled around, I genuinely started to forget that he'd only been with us since halfway through September. Man, does time fly.

Jack's warming up to the idea of Louis hanging out with us. Well, he's stopped telling me I'm joining the dark side. Almost. He says it to Lucy to get a reaction. There's something going on with Jack, it's really strange. His fights with Lucy seem to be getting worse. They can't even go five minutes without some sort of argument and then they ignore each other for ages afterwards. I hear other people whisper how they are really starting to hate each other, that it's a miracle they can still manage to be in the same for as long as they have for me. Louis wondered if it was because they don't want me to choose between them if they stopped hanging out. I think different; Jack's defense mechanism is to argue, but he really only ever has to put up that defense if he really doesn't want someone to know something. It's how he hides from them; if they get too close or something he thinks or feels starts to show and he doesn't want it to, he'll push them away by arguing. That way he thinks they're less likely to try and get closer. It's only because of me that Lucy won't be leaving any time soon. Which begs the question; what doesn't he want Lucy to know?

I said this to Louis and he asked me that question. He was amused by my answer; that he likes her. He said that it was probably because of his injury (he knows all about Jack's adrenaline obsession) and that he was most likely bored and restless, so he was taking it all out on him and Lucy. Well, I'll show him, even if that may partly be right.

But Jack's not trying to persuade me that Louis should go anymore, which I'm glad for. He told me he can't handle the multitude of Weasleys in our life, which made me laugh and say that there were only two, but that Louis was not so bad once you got to know him and could stay.

I learned a lot about Louis over the month and a bit we'd been friends, particularly about why he was so eager to leave the Great Hall the night he ran into me. That 'something' he had to do was a painting he'd been working on; it was almost done. He still won't tell me what it is of, but apparently he really wanted it finished. I also learnt that he uses the Room of Requirement, a hidden room on the seventh floor, which makes sense, considering he likes his privacy; no one could know what type of room he thinks about to get to his work. So no one would ever be able to open the door, not even accidentally. He won't let anyone go there, Lucy doesn't even know about it, all she knows is that he's always liked to draw.

I've learnt more about the Weasley family this year than I ever had before, more so about Louis' siblings; he's close with both of them, tells them everything, but Dom is closer in age and they'll always have a bond that will be stronger than with his sister. Victoire is following in her dad's footsteps and is already making a name for herself as a Cursebreaker for Gringotts, despite her young age, due to her willingness to prove herself; hard work pays off. Dom, however, has an internship with Witch Weekly. Yeah, he's a journalist. Louis and Lucy both say it's definitely his calling in life.

"Don't get too close to Dom. He really knows how to read people, it's like a weird, psychic power; you only have to spend a couple of minutes with the guy and he can tell you your biggest secrets." That's what Louis said and Lucy agreed completely.

Maybe _he_ can read minds.

He works on the fashion side of journalism mostly, though; he says that what he loves and he's good. Although, as an intern, he is asked to write different things. He's done a few celebrity pieces and a crime story about a case of his uncle Harry's, which had interested him enough to really have to think about which field of journalism he'd want to go into in the future. Lucy thinks they'll let him write for both if they need him, because his crime piece was so good.

I found during the month and a bit that I was actually interested in the stories Louis told me about his family, maybe because Louis himself is actually interested and not just casually passing on information before quickly going back to something else, as Lucy does. Although, when he talks about his brother, I do use it to tease him by showing a bit more interest than I should. His flirting no longer makes me uncomfortable, but it still feels good to get to him. I don't think it'll last; he'll figure out why I'm doing it eventually, I'm sure, and he'll stop feeling so uncomfortable about me pretending to like his brother. It is funny how much he stresses that Dom is straight, though.

"Hey, are you even listening to me?"

I jump, not expecting his voice to be so close, and come back to earth, as they say. "What?"

Louis laughs. "I said fair warning, Jack has been planning on doing something for Halloween."

Oh. I roll my eyes. Jack loves Halloween, so I figured that was what he was doing. His planning for tomorrow has kept him relatively quiet for the past few days and he and Lucy haven't had one argument. I even heard him ask for her opinion yesterday, for what I don't know; it freaked me out a little bit, having rarely heard that happening. I can only imagine how Lucy took it. I think she asked him if he was sick at some point.

"Do you know what it is this year?" I ask him. He thinks of something new every year; first year we trick or treated the teachers, second year we were ghost hunters, we pranked everyone we could in third year. It's good fun, but I'm not particularly in the Halloween mood this year, at least not in the trick or treat and pranking sense. Maybe I'm growing up.

...Not that I was any good at pranking. I mostly just followed Jack around for that.

"He's been planning a way of getting a party going," Louis tells me. "I don't think he's going to be able to achieve that here in school."

"You'll be surprised by what I can achieve." I jump again. Damn, I did not know Jack was still here with us. He was just too bloody quiet. "But it won't be in school, it'll be in the Three Broomsticks. Digby is only allowing Seventh Years to go, being of legal age and all that, and I cleared it with Rosmerta and her kid ages ago. I already got it around school, it's fancy dress and there'll be carriages to take us back by one. We're only allowed to do this because Halloween happens to fall on a Saturday."

"That explains all the talk of costumes I've heard so much about," I say, not in the least bit surprised that Jack managed to organize all of this.

"Probably. Your costume should be here by morning, by the way."

"What is it?"

"Wait and see. Well." He changes the subject. "You'll be there to make sure he's ready and everything, won't you Louis?"

"Yes."

"Great. I'll see you both later, I've got a party to plan."

I wait until I can't hear him anymore, I forgot how hard it is to do that when he's not banging crutches on the floor, and can assume he's left the library before I turn back to the front. Another thing I learnt about Louis is that Lucy was kinda right. Unless it's something really bad or something he's really uncomfortable with, Louis will pretty much say yes to anything you ask of him. Saying yes to Jack just now is only one example of many. Every time he talks about doing something, someone comes, asks him something and he does that instead. If I were him, I'd get sick and tired of quickly. Hell, I'm not him and I'm sick and tired of it. So, while everyone focused on Jack's plans, I made one of my own, mine a bit less Halloween related and more life related. Okay, it's nothing to do with Halloween and everything to do with life, or Louis' life specifically.

"I would like you to do something for me." Better to just get to it, I think.

"Sure." I try not to roll my eyes. Of course he'd say yes; he doesn't even know what it is. "What?"

"See, that's just it. You said yes before you even knew what it was. That's what you do, do you notice? You always say yes to what people want you to do. Do you even_ want _to do half the things you do?"

"Sometimes it's better to just not cause a fuss, depending on who you talk to," Louis laughs quietly. "Why should I say no to someone when I can do what they ask, when I can help them? I just think it's... Easier. What does this have to do with what you want me to do?"

His answers, or his questions rather, make sense when he says them, it helps in understanding why he is the way he is; he is a nice guy, genuinely so. Not everyone would do that for someone. It makes me like him just that little bit more. But it's not exactly what I feel deep down; it's like every time the subject of himself comes up he closes up and talks about something else, like he _has_ to help others rather than himself because he doesn't _want_ to help himself. Why do you think it took me a month to learn about his paintings in the Room of Requirement? And why I still don't know what that painting he finished that day is?

I shake my head. I like who Louis is as a person and if I didn't feel something deep down that told me he was like this for a reason, I'd never have come up with this plan of mine. Because Lucy told me a few weeks ago, when her and Louis were laughing about Dom being stubborn, that Louis was the same. He was always helpful as a kid, wanting to do things, but never as much as when he was older and he was always saying no.

He rarely says that anymore. I've never heard it.

"I don't want you to do anything. If you choose not to, don't do it." I shrug. "I just think it'll be good."

"What is it?"

"I want you to write a list."

"A list?" he asks.

I can tell he's confused. "Yeah, a list. You write down every thing you want to do, things you don't have time for when you're helping others, and you make sure you do them, even if that means saying no to others every once in a while."

"Oh, like a bucket list," he finally says, sounding amused by my plan. I think it's a good plan. I nod. "Okay."

"Are you saying that because you say yes to everyone or is it just to humor me?" I groan.

"I'm saying I'll write a list, I haven't said anything about actually completing the list or even going through with it at all," he elaborates. "I guess we'll see what happens. But thank you for the choice."

"You're welcome." I smile. We don't say any more about his list; he's not tutoring anyone today so I wait for him to finish his homework and we go to Hufflepuff to get Lucy and go to dinner. Everyone is talking about the party tomorrow and now I actually know what they mean, I can join in when they ask. Except when they ask what I'm wearing, as I don't know. Apparently only Jack knows and he hasn't told anyone. I'm kinda scared.

Me and Louis are trying to guess what my costume could be when someone taps me on the shoulder. "Hey, Rosie. What's up?" Louis asks her.

"CJ, right? That's what Lucy told me to call you."

"Yeah," I nod, my head turning slightly to the right, only because I know that's around where she's standing. "Rose?"

"Yeah. I just wanted to ask you what Roxanne is doing. I asked her and she said you'd given her something she had to figure out." I tell her that that's true and ask her if her cousin has figured it out yet; it's been about a month, so either she hasn't or she has and can't cope. "No, she hasn't. Now I'm wondering just what it is because she won't tell me or James or anyone."

"I told her she doesn't need to worry about the female population coming after me." She's quiet for a while, thinking I bet. Maybe she wants to figure it out to understand. I don't think she'll get it like Louis did; I was really hoping I stressed what I meant, trying to get Roxanne to figure it out then. I'm calmer now, casual. Could mean anything.

Rose laughs suddenly and I can only assume she's laughing at something Louis has done, so I turn my head in his direction. There's a slight breeze by my ear when something moves past me really fast. His hand, I guess. Wait a minute, is he giving her signals? "Stop it," I warn.

"Oh. Really?" She knows? "I bet Lou's just thrilled to know you're in his league, because the female population will be sad."

She knows. And I doubt it. I scoff.

"Don't believe me, eh?" I shrug. "Well, that's up to you. I'll see you guys later and I won't tell Roxy. It was nice to finally meet you, CJ."

I wave, say good bye and turn back to Louis properly. "So far, only one member of your family I've met is crazy. This is a good sign."

"You're so skeptical."

"You're a pushover," I counter.

"You're a controlling, manipulative ass."

I place my hand on my heart and hope my faked, wounded expression looks genuine. "Below the belt, Weasley."

"Not even close," he whispers in my ear.

So maybe I'm quite as used to his flirting as I originally thought...


	10. Halloween

I am so close to changing my mind.

It's Halloween, the party is in an hour (told to me by my scary alarm clock, which someone switched _back_ on) and I'm still sat on my bed, my costume hanging up on the end, waiting for Louis. I suppose I could guess what it is if I put it on now, but if I hate it I want the chance to say no. If I wear it then I hate it, I can't take it off; he wouldn't let me. So, Louis needs to hurry up so he can tell me what it is and if I do end up hating it, I'm either going as myself or not at all. There's no discussion involved in this. I have made up my mind. And, if I have to, Louis will be bribed into helping me get revenge on Declan, Simon and everyone else here in Hufflepuff, who know exactly what the bloody costume is and refused to tell me. Simon even _lied_ and said he had no idea and I know he lied because he's a terrible liar. It's like in fifth year when my quill_mysteriously_ disappeared; Simon ended up giggling half way through.

You'd think it would be easier to lie to me. It's not. It's really not.

"You're not dressed yet."

I don't acknowledge his presence until I speak, I'm too depressed to even wave... Too overdramatic? "What's my costume? I refuse to wear it until I know."

Louis pulls me to my feet, a little too closely to him, and places a hat on my head. "Howdy."

"Oh." I run my hands over the sides of the hat. Okay, now I'm excited. "I'm a cowboy!"

He starts laughing at me, but I don't care; I'm a cowboy... Who's seventeen? Me? Really? Well, I'm a child at heart. "All that worrying for nothing. You could have easily figured it out all on your own if you had put it on." He bats the hat down; I can feel it hovering just above my eyes. "Now get dressed. I'm gonna use the bathroom."

I'm just putting on my shirt when he comes back, pants and boots done first, and am fastening the buttons. It's all quiet until I'm done; he's probably waiting for me to finish so we can go. We promised we'd be there earlier because it's Jack's party and we're Jack's friends. Yes, we; like I would leave Louis out. I'm not that nice.

Anyway...

I run my hands down my shirt and across the band of my pants, making sure my shirt's tucked in and I am presentable. My hat is back on my head. "What d'ya think?"

He doesn't answer. He wraps something around my waist, letting hang loosely at my hips; the belt, I feel it, were a cowboy's gun would go. "I've never had inappropriate thoughts about a cowboy before."

"And you never will," I smirk, too used to him flirting for him to actually get to me now. Is that good or bad? I push him backwards. "Lead the way or do I have to lasso you?"

"Promises, promises," he whispers and I groan and walk away, leaving him to follow _me_ instead.

Ciaran: 1. Louis: 2.

He's never going to stop!

We talk about little things as we walk to the carriage and again on our way to the party, random things like homework and how we think the party will be because he keeps steering the conversation away from himself every time I find a way to ask about his art. It is very annoying.

When we get to the pub, a few people are already there, music is already playing and people are talking and laughing. Maybe we're later than I thought.

"Ah, there's Jack."

Louis places his hand on my back and leads me in my friend's direction, weaving me in and out of what I presume are small crowds, until we stop and Jack's arm is around my shoulder. "Howdy, partner." I tip my hat. "Cas."

"Ness."

"Cas?" Okay, I understand The Untouchables reference, but who the hell is Louis?

"Casanova."

Ah, never mind. "Imagine that," Jack whispers in my ear, sniggering.

"Yeah, big coincidence."

"I didn't even have to give him a nudge the right direction," Jack admits and he sounds way too smug. "Such a clever boy, he came up with it all on his own."

I glare, Louis asks what we're whispering about, Jack laughs again, makes a poor excuse about mingling with his guests and leaves. I preferred it when he thought Louis was no good and wasn't using his flirting to annoy me. The moment he leaves I'm turned back around and lead in the direction we had originally intended to go, until I'm stopped. I put my hands out in front of me, press them against the wood I feel and lean forward. Are we at the bar?

"Drink?"

"Just a butterbeer," I answer. "I don't drink."

"Somehow that surprises me," Louis admits. He sounds hesitant, careful, like it might offend me. Should it? Should I be surprised by how little I'm bothered? They're just words. "Two butterbeers, please."

Hearing him order pulls me away from my thoughts. Right. Drinks. That's why we're here.

"Here you go, Louis. Anything else?"

This girl sounds a little too flirty. It's wrong for me to not like it. I shouldn't care. I don't care. "I'm with someone," he tells her and raises my hand. I'm not smug. Shh.

She makes a strange 'that's not fair' kind of noise, like a high pitched 'oh', which I associate with pouting and reminds me of my cousin. My cousin does that a lot. "Who was that?" I ask. I don't know whether or not she's still there, but I feel I have to ask anyway.

"That was Haley, her mum owns this pub. She still has a bit of a thing for me, hasn't quite let it go."

I nod, then I remember exactly_ what_ he told her. Whoa, it took me longer than it should have for his words to register in my head. "You're with someone?"

"I promised Lucy I'd be a gentlemanly date."

Oh, really? I need to talk to her soon. Right now, I'm gonna change the subject. It's for the best. "I take it she knows you're gay."

"It doesn't stop her from hoping." He gives me my drink and takes my free hand, leading me away again. "We'll find a table before everyone else comes, unless you want to stay at the bar and listen to Haley flirt some more."

Did he notice my dislike? Oh, that cannot be good. "Time to find a table."

Sometimes, I miss the days when people didn't notice me. But then he threads his fingers through mine and rubs his thumb in small circles on my skin; it's comforting and I forget my awkward feelings. And I don't miss those days.

***

He moved on from butterbeer to fire whiskey relatively quickly and a tipsy Louis is a funny Louis. Very much so. He talks nonstop about anything and everything _and_ he speaks so fast _and_ he slurs; I'm not even drunk and I feel like my head is spinning. I can't keep up with the conversation, I can't even remember what we were talking about.

"Do you still believe that Jack likes Lucy and vice v- the other way around?" he asks suddenly.

I laugh; who knew 'versa' was such a hard word to say when drunk? "Yes, I do. Why?"

"B-because they're a-fighting again, over there." I roll my eyes. "Oh, they t-took their fight into the other room."

"You're drunk," I state, not really caring what my friends get up to right at this moment.

"Probably. Just a little. Dance with me?"

I spit out the mouthful of butterbeer I was about to swallow. I wasn't expecting that, especially so randomly. "What?"

"Will you dance with me?"

"I don't think that's a very good idea," I tell him honestly. "Not exactly safe, is it, Louis?"

"Because I'm drunk?" he asks slowly. Drinking damages his brain cells. As funny as he is, he really shouldn't drink, not if he would rather live without embarrassing moments. I imagine bets gone wrong, revealing secrets, being tied naked to a post.

Or was that just my dad? To clarify, my dad did all those things... My mum did two... Apparently.

I realize he thinks I've been quiet for too long when he nudges me. Because I'm blind, I can't dance I almost say, but I hold back and nod. "You're a catastrophe waiting to happen, Louis Weasley. I'd fear for the people around us if we were to dance."

"Then we'll sit and talk. About you," he adds.

"Or we can talk about you," I suggest.

"S'nothing about me worth telling," he mutters. He's so quiet, I can't tell if he's angry or sad or even indifferent, but I don't push either way; it's not my place and there are stuff I haven't told him.

I stand up; I'll give him a couple of minutes to himself, he'll probably have another drink, and then he'll go back to being funny Louis. "Where is the restroom?"

"Er... That way." Seriously, brain cell damage. Which way? "You know, the restroom sounds like a good idea. I should go there."

The table wobbles when he gets up. Drunk Casanova is not light on his feet. I worry. "Do you need to be sick?"

"Nooo, I need to pee." I hope the direction he's taking me is actually the way to the restroom.

I'm starting to wish Jack had been around so he could show me the way instead. Is he still arguing with Lucy? He wouldn't spend that long away from his own party. "Hey, has anyone seen Jack?" I call to the people surrounding me.

There's a collection of no's around me, which, despite being an answer to my question, is not helpful at all. "I'm sure he'll turn up." We stop. "And, for the record, I'm not so bad while drunk. If you ever see Lucy or, God forbid, Vic, you will understand. After you."

"You are funny when you're drunk," I tell him as I enter. "Lucy is... Interesting."

Lucy is so interesting when drunk that once she didn't talk to me for a week. "You're allowed to say flirty or... N-No, I'll leave it at that; I should be nice. Here... Didn't she try to kiss you one time?"

And just when I thought it was quiet. You see what I mean about drunk Louis never shutting up. This is supposed to be non-talking time. "Yes, she did. She was very embarrassed, she hid, and then I told her I was gay and it was fine. She got over it pretty quickly."

"She does that. We're all different after a drink; Al gets overly emotional and cries."

"Isn't he underage?"

"Shhh." And listen to that; nothing. Silence. He stopped talking. Did he die? No. I can... Hear him. He finishes before I do. "You stand like you're ready for a showdown." The sound of running water. "One day you'll be a_real_ cowboy. The stubble actually helps." I finish. "Follow the sound of my voice."

I do; it'll be so inconvenient if he suddenly tells me he's a ventriloquist and that I'm on my way out the door. But I feel him and then the sink, so all is good. I gesture to my face. "Would you trust me with a razor?"

"Well, let's see." I was joking; he's not supposed to bloody think about it! "The day we met, you hit me with your stick, something you continued to do. You've slammed me into a bookshelf and you constantly walk into me. I'm beginning to think you do_ that_ on purpose. So, no, I wouldn't even trust you with a pencil. Around others, yes, just not around me; you'll hurt me with it."

I just shake my head. "Not that I want you to get rid of it. Unless it gets bushier, then it's gotta go."

"Thank you for sharing what you find attractive in a man." I love sarcasm. I hate being genuine. And part of me actually is. "We can leave now."

I refuse to tell him that this is about as much as he's gonna get because stubble is all I can get to, as I have this inability to grow a beard; the consequences could be severe for me, considering what we just talked about. We stop outside the restroom doors, just out of the way of everyone else, and he asks me if I want another drink. I decline.

"What time is it?"

"Just after midnight, just less than an hour left."

"And Jack is missing it," I mock sigh.

"Maybe he's with a girl," Louis says and it sounds like he's joking. But that could actually be true, knowing Jack. Louis' hand cups my right cheek and I can suddenly feel his breath against my lips. How long was I quiet for? This is why thinking is a bad thing. He moves closer, pressing himself to me, and I forget to breath.

Uh oh.

"There's something about you," he whispers. It's not the same as when he flirts, it's different, it's... Real. And it causes me to feel funny inside and throw all attempts of denial out of the window. I was fine before when I could easily ignore it, but now... He's way too close. His forehead touches mine and...

I turn away.

"Sorry," he mutters, I know he's stepped back. "I think I've had too much to drink tonight. I shouldn't have tried to do that."

"It's fine," I tell him. "I just want to go back to school now."

"That sounds like a good idea. I'll take you back to school."

My subconscious is screaming at me and I want to kick myself because he doesn't know why I did it. He thinks I just rejected him; I can hear it in his tone. "Louis."

"It's fine." He takes my hand. "Come on."

The walk to the carriage and the ride back is quiet and awkward. I try talking to him, but he doesn't answer, and by the time we get to Hufflepuff, the tension is horrible. I _will_ try again tomorrow. He _needs_ to know. "Good night, Louis."

"Good night."

Nothing else is said, not an 'I'll see you tomorrow', and I hate it.

I have _got_ to fix this.


	11. The Lists

I wake myself up. Well, it's kind of easy to do when you've barely slept at all!

I don't know what to do. I mean, I know _what_ to do, what I have to say, but I don't know _how_. Really. The different scenarios in my head scared me. They kept me awake and that's a hard thing to do.

I stay in bed until the silence and my thoughts compete for the winning title in the 'Drive Ciaran Crazy' tournament and I have to get up preserve any hope of keeping what's left of my rational mind. Because the irrational side of me is freaking out; Louis didn't come up to see if I was awake, he always does that. Is he mad at me? Is he upset? Does he feel guilty for trying to kiss me? Will he avoid me forever?

I don't want that to happen.

But rational me understands that maybe it's because it's still early and I'm usually asleep. He might be up later and my worry about what happened last night is just making the fact that he's not here yet seem worse than it actually is and everything is fine.

I like rational me. Too bad he never stays for very long.

I dress in the jeans I wore yesterday that I threw on top of my trunk and find a t-shirt in the pile, search for my sneakers and grab my stick. I don't hear anyone around me as I walk through the common room and out into the hallway, which leads me to assume that it's breakfast or they're sleeping or they're studying. I'm going to go with breakfast or sleep, which means quiet, which means I know where I need to look for Louis.

It doesn't take me very long to get to the second floor, considering it's a Sunday and if you're sane you're not up and around school so early unless you have to be, and I make my way to our section of the library. The closer I get, the harder it seems to put one foot in front of the other. I'm so nervous and also slightly scared; I don't want this to end badly and have him ignore me or hear his emotion in his tone when I get there. If he's even there, that is.

I stop, lean against the bookshelf and just listen. I don't smell anything, no aftershave. But I hear; the light scratching of a pencil and soft breathing. "Hey."

"Hey." He sounds indifferent, but he's too quiet for me to tell for sure, and he goes back to whatever it is he's doing. "How did you find me?"

"We come here every day; it seemed the most obvious choice," I admit. "But it was just a guess, I didn't know if it was you here and if you'd kept quiet I'd have left." I don't know why I'm telling him this, I don't want him to want me to leave. I'm glad he spoke. "You doing homework?"

"No," he says softly. "Drawing."

"What of?"

"Stuff." I don't know what to say to that. Usually I just roll my eyes and tell him he's being mean because I know he doesn't want to talk about his art, but this feels different. Probably because of the tension and last night; Louis sounds... Off, distant. I hear him drop his pencil. "I'm sorry about last night. I had no right to -" He stops, pauses for a second, then continues. "I shouldn't have tried to kiss you."

"It's fine, honest."

He let's out a deep breath, like he's relieved, and I open my mouth to continue, to tell him my reasons, but he speaks again before I get the chance. "I finished the list."

I lean my stick up against the books, fold my arms over my chest and move forward slightly. "Oh?"

"Yeah, and it's quite long. I didn't realize there was so much I wanted to do. I don't think I'd have ever known if you hadn't asked me to write it, I suppose I should thank you for that."

His tone is a little teasing, more like the Louis I know, and I smile. "You're welcome. Can I hear some of it?"

"No." I frown, confused as to why I can't. And I think it shows more than my surprise over the fact that he just said no. I've finally heard him say no! "I would like you to do something for me first."

"Okay," I answer hesitantly. Now I'm scared for a different reason.

"I want you to make your own list and I want us to do them together. You think I hold myself back, but you do it, too. The only difference is I know why_ I_ do it."

"What makes you think I hold myself back?"

He scoffs at me. Maybe he even rolled his eyes; it's something I would do. "You sat in the corner at your own friend's Halloween party and drank butterbeer while I got drunk. You could have been up and talking and dancing, but you didn't because you hold back. So, will you tell me your list so I can write it down?"

I start to shake my head, but stop. Should I? I did want him to do it and he did it for me, so I should do the same. It's only a list, right? It's just words on paper that may or not be completed. Is there even anything I want to do? What is there I _can_ do? What I want, I can never get. I nod before I can give myself the chance to back out.

"What makes you so sure I can complete this list?"

"Because, CJ, you can do anything. Just don't think about what might stop you and don't hold back."

"I can do anything," I repeat. It's exactly what Lucy and Jack are always saying. "Okay." Now's the time to tell him, to explain. "The first thing on the list will explain last night." I take a deep breath and shut my eyes; I don't know why really, I just want it to help, or he'll never know. "I want, er, I don't know how to say this without sounding like a girl. I want it to be special. Even if it doesn't work out with the guy I'm with, I want to be able to look back with good memories. It has to be special and no offense, but you being drunk is _not_special."

"So, you moved away." He finishes for me and I nod. "Oh, everything makes so much more sense now. You've never kissed anyone."

"Well, not everyone is like that, okay! Especially not me. I mean, look at me, I'm -"

"Hot."

"What?" I'm pretty sure I heard him correctly, though.

He coughs. "Nothing," Louis answers quickly. Oh, so now he's shy. "Let's continue, eh? Why didn't you ever tell me this?"

I shrug. "Because it's embarrassing. Other guys have gone all the way and here I am, seventeen, and have never been kissed. My decision is my own and I stand by it, but that doesn't mean I want to tell people." He's quiet for a long time, feels like forever. I have no idea what could be going on inside his head. I hate that. "What are you thinking?"

"I'm thinking if I had known sooner, I wouldn't have drank so much."

"So sure I'd kiss you," I tease.

"Yes." I stop smiling once I realize just how serious he sounds. "I know you like me. I was so sure you did last night, but then you turned away and I got confused, wondering if I had misread you. I was thinking about it all night. But now I know, I'm not confused and I wish I hadn't drank as much as I did. Or at all. Well, maybe one."

"I wouldn't have denied you one drink, maybe even two."

"So, you admit you like me."

I smirk; this is gonna be fun. "I didn't say that. The second thing on my list ties in with the first." I change the subject back to the list; it was his idea for me to have one after all. "I want _that_ to be special, too."

"You're a hopeless romantic at heart," he laughs.

"As are you, Lucy says. I've noticed."

Louis sighs. "key word being _hopeless_. What's the next thing on your list?"

I know he'll like the next one; it's something I always think about, every time I go and visit my grandparents. But I've never had the chance before. "I want to stand at the top of the Eiffel Tower, just so I can know what the big deal is. People say standing at the top is so romantic; I wanna know why. The same with the Empire State building."

I am right. But, then again, I'm always right. Shh. "Let's just start small and stick to Paris, yeah?" he replies between chuckles. I just shrug and agree; he did say we would do the lists together, _he's_ the one who has to take me. "What else, CJ?"

It seems to go on and on for ages. I understand what he meant before; I had no idea there was so much I wanted to do, stuff I usually don't think I can. I don't stop until I really cannot think of anything else. Does he really think I can do all that?

"You really believe I can do anything?" I ask him quietly.

"I do," he says after a minute of silence. He's right in front of me, his hands pulling the bottom of my t-shirt. "Say it."

"I can do anything." Louis pulls my t-shirt forward, which pulls me towards him, and he whispers in my ear to close me eyes and say it again. To feel it and believe it. "I can do anything."

"Yes, you can." He wraps his arms around me properly then and I'm just stood there for a second before my own arms find their way around his neck; he's never hugged me before, like a real hug. Like this. It's surprisingly nice.

"I'm sorry about last night, I didn't want to upset you," I blurt out.

Louis responds by squeezing a little tighter. "You didn't upset me, you confused me." I swat the back of his head, my fingers flicking his hair out; he is such a liar. "Okay, maybe just a little, I _was_ rejected. But I was also drunk and I shouldn't have done it, so it doesn't matter. I wasn't going to ignore you for it."

My breath catches in my throat. It's like he really _can_ read minds. "You didn't come to Hufflepuff today." It's like word vomit.

I feel his lips curve against my neck. "You're usually asleep. I don't see if you're awake until later."

See, I was right again. Rational me really should stay for longer.

"but if you really want to apologize -"

"You still have to guess," I interrupt. "Give up with the hints, I'm not gonna tell you. You can let go now."

"I'll let go. If -" No, I'm not telling him my name. "You admit you like me."

Oh. "Blackmail, Mr. Weasley? As if I would stoop so low."

"Wasn't it just last night when you said you'd blackmail me into helping with your revenge?" he counters. And it's very successful.

"But! That is so -" What's the point? "I like you."

"Like you like Jack?"

I shake my head. "More than how I like Jack."

He let's go. "Was that so hard?" I hear amusement in his voice and I wanna say yes, but I mutter a no instead. I hate word vomit. I muffle a yawn while he's picking up his things from the table, but I think he catches it. "Wanna go back to the common room and take a nap?"

I hug him again. "Yes, please." I pull away when he starts to laugh. "What?"

"Nothing," he assures me, I think. "It's just, stubble tickles."

I don't care what he thinks, I really need a shave.

***

"Did you know that Simon has a girlfriend?"

Seriously, Louis just has a habit of catching me off-guard. Food and drink currently have a habit of being _on_me rather than_ in_ me. He pulls back from whispering in my ear, so others wouldn't know, and I frown. Good for Simon and all, but _he's_ stranger than I am.

"If Simon can date someone before me, I am screwed."

"Your words hurt me."

I try not to smirk; I know he's talking about him. But even if we do like each other, I have my reasons for not wanting to date him. Reason one: we've only known each other a month and a half. I don't consider that a reasonable amount of time to go out with a friend; I wanna get to know him more first.

"All I have is a stalker and a guy with a fear of commitment."

And that is reason number two. He doesn't have relationships, he said so himself. He needs to work on that first.

"You're making it worse. Now you're just being mean."

Then I smirk. "You're fine."

"I don't get your jokes."

I look up. "Hey, Jack. Where have you been all day? And where's Lucy?"

"No where and I don't know, in that order."

"Here's Lucy," Louis says.

I wait for her to say hi before I talk. "So how was your night? You both disappeared."

"No, we didn't," they both say.

I'm confused. "Louis said you were arguing and went into another room."

"Oh," Jack mumbles. "That we did."

Yeah, because I mentioned them doing anything else? What is going on with them? "What happened last night?"

"Nothing," they simultaneously say again.

You know what? I just don't believe them. But I ignore it for now; they obviously aren't going to tell me. I think back to last night; we did joke about Jack being with a girl. And we know what Lucy's like when she's drunk. And they were both missing for a while...

No, I don't wanna imagine that. If they want to (finally) get together, good for them, but I don't want mental images. I go back to my dinner, it's safer.

"We can go through our lists and see what we can do first tomorrow," Louis says, starting conversation.

I nod. "Sounds good," I answer, all the while keeping those four words in my head. And for once, I think it's starting to stick.

I can do anything.


	12. Honest Words

Louis was not happy when he came to wake me up on Monday morning and found a freshly shaved Ciaran sleeping peacefully in bed. He complained about how unfair it was and asked if it was his punishment for Halloween; it was actually quite funny. But I told him no, he wasn't being punished, that it just had to go, and by the time breakfast was over he had grudgingly accepted it.

I don't get it, personally. I can't even imagine what he finds so attractive about it. Just like I have no idea what his cousin sees in me. I still have Louis' words running through my head, his slip of the tongue that he obviously had not wanted me to know; that I'm hot. I'm not hot, nowhere near... Am I?

I don't think I'll ever truly know; Louis hasn't said anything about it since and I don't know how to bring it up. Nor do I think I really want to. And this is what I have chosen to think about in History of Magic instead of listening to Binns go on and on about something I don't care about and will get from Abby later. I let my quill do the work while I lean forward with my elbow propped up and my face resting in my palm, my eyes covered so I can keep them closed undetected.

This is my favorite lesson.

"CJ?" I say nothing, but I do acknowledge him; I turn my head slightly so he knows I heard and that I'm listening. "What's with the sunglasses inside? It's finally time to ask."

My next acknowledgement is a smile. He _finally_ asked; I was wondering when this day would come. I know it's not what he technically asked nor what he wants to hear, but I give him my medical reason, the 'science' behind it. "Sensitivity to light. It still hurts your eyes, you know."

"Yes, but you spend most of the year in dimly lit classrooms and a library in a creepy, Scottish castle. So, what's with the sunglasses inside?" I lift up my glasses a fraction, show him my closed eyes. He scoffs, amused, I imagine he's holding back a laugh. It probably doesn't even surprise him. "You sleep."

"It's perfect," I whisper, sighing dramatically, happily. Then I feel the glasses disappear and my eyes snap open before people notice. "Hey!"

"They are really good for a lesson like this," he murmurs.

"You're wearing them, aren't you." It's definitely not a question.

"I was. Now they're on my head."

I roll my eyes, tell him he can keep them and search for a spare pair from inside my bag. I put them on and resume my previous position; elbow propped, face cupped, eyes closed. I whisper that Jack takes them, too, well it came out as an unintentional whisper, and my friend agrees from behind me.

Next thing I know my elbow gives way and I almost hit the table, just managing to jump up before my face falls flat against the desk. "What happened?"

"Lessons over." I recognize Jack's voice at my side, but he sounds further away than that. It feels like I've just woken up. Did Louis really let me sleep? In class? Interesting. No one ever let's me do that. This could also be a bad thing. "You wouldn't wake up, so he knocked you."

"Tattletale."

That he'll have to pay for...

I lift up my glasses enough to rub my eyes and someone hands me my bag as they're dropped back down. I point in the direction to walk in, only to be turned the other way (I must still be half asleep; I usually know the way at least) and I get out of there; walking will do me good, wake me up. Maybe. So will talking.

"I can't believe you let me sleep."

"Yeah, we don't do that for a reason," Jack scolds, speaking slowly as though to a child. Knowing Louis as well as I do, I wouldn't be surprised if he took offense to that, just a little bit, not that he'll say anything. I'd take offense to that.

"But he looked so adorable," he protests, giving it that whiny, baby tone which _I'm_ definitely going to take offense to. Maybe he wasn't protesting, maybe they planned it to annoy me. That is something they'd do. They shouldn't be friends, it's too dangerous.

"I'm standing right here, you know!" I call back. And they say I'm bad. "I'm so glad Lucy isn't here right now; it'd only get worse."

I was talking to myself, but they're not far back that they can't hear me and Louis comments anyway. "Where is Lucy? I haven't seen her all day."

"No idea," Jack says way too quickly, trying to be casual about it though it's clearly not working.

I know from Louis' next words. "I'm not even gonna go there. It's not worth the headache."

He means listening to me and my theory later; every time I finish he tell me it wasn't worth the headache. Says we could be doing better things like the lists we finished the other day (among other examples). We told Jack about the lists on Monday in class and Lucy yesterday. They doubt either of us actually completing them; well, we'll show them. "What's first on your list, Louis?"

"We did that on Sunday," he answers, now at my side. I raise an eye-brow; did we? "You told me that you liked me."

Oh. Figures that'd be on there. "Well, what's number two?"

He's quiet for a moment. When I ask him why, he says he's trying to remember. He doesn't tell me until we're in Hufflepuff. I can't believe it took him that long to remember something on his own list. "I started with little things first; number two is relaxing on a school day, no library no tutoring, no homework."

I think; when does he not have a tutoring lesson? Today. And Abby had a family emergency; she has to help her brother. I know we don't have homework for tomorrow, as we're in the same classes. It's a school day and neither of us are in the library. I take off my glasses, put my feet up and grin. "Done."

"Now?" I nod, tell him today is a rare and perfect day. We should not waste it by working. He laughs at that, but agrees. "Okay."

"You two are crazy. You could do that whenever."

"I think he's mocking my list," Louis murmurs.

"Hmm." I cross my arms over my chest, trying to look serious, and agree with him. "He just doesn't understand the simple pleasures in life."

"Ah, the poor boy."

Our words were funny. Jack's? Not so much. At least not to us. I bet he found it hilarious.

"Of course, Louis knows all about life's pleasures. Could have done better, though," he says as an afterthought.

The first thing I do is press the back of my hand against Louis' shoulder; his love life is a sore subject and he shouldn't say anything because Jack will tear him to pieces. Not literally... Maybe literally. The second thing I do is throw a cushion in Jack's general direction because he's a git who deserves a cushion being thrown at him.

Louis takes my hand, squeezes gently before letting it fall to my side. "Don't worry, he just hasn't gotten any in a while. Probably why he's angry all the time."

"Just like you focus on flirting."

They've moved from potential arguments to friendly banter. And Jack says we're confusing; I just don't get them. "I thought we were relaxing," I argue.

"This is relaxing," Jack tells me, chuckling. "You said you wanted us to be friends."

I roll my eyes. In August his version of relaxing was jumping off a cliff; look where that got him. I'm not so sure I want them to be friends after all. They scare me when they're together. "I changed my mind."

"He's lying, he loves that we're friends," Jack mock whispers. It's gets quiet after that, but it's comfortable, actually relaxing. Then his tone turns more from playful to serious. "I kinda hope nothing changes."

"I don't follow," Louis says slowly. He nudges me. What? Does he think I have an answer? I shrug.

"I have no idea, but I do know that I need to go to the bathroom, so I'm gonna go do that." I get up.

"You gonna be okay?" Louis asks, taking hold of my arm.

"Yes, I am a big boy and if I can do _anything_ it's pee properly." I smirk. "Most of the time; I might forget exactly where the toilet is sometimes."

Jack scoffs. I wink. Louis groans. "That is more information than I needed to know." He let's go of me. Who knew that would be a fun game to play?

I point in the direction I started walking in, leaving the common room, but I stop a few steps up because that's when Louis starts speaking and I'm curious to know my friend's answer.

"What did you mean before, about not wanting things to change?" he asks.

"Exactly that." A pause. "Look, you're great. You've made a couple of mistakes, not naming them, but I like you and CJ likes you. He's never been in the type of situation where he's really liked someone, he's never let himself, so this is all new for him and, if you give him time, he'll get to that point where you become more. After he's gone through _every_ possible reason as to why and why not."

I grit my teeth, but hold back; best friend my ass!

"If that happens and you do get together, but then break up -" Jack stops, then continues, changing his words. "If it happens and it's natural, it couldn't be helped, you won't loose CJ in the long run; you'll pretty much be stuck with him for life, even if you _are_ just friends. But if it happens because of what you said, you can't handle the relationship and end up doing the same as with the others, it'll only get awkward and it'll get worse until you lose him and I go with my best friend. It would kind of suck if that were to happen, that's all."

I hold my breath, I can't seem to move; Jack has just gone and inadvertently told Louis my reason number two for not doing anything about liking him. Why'd he have to choose now to be honest?

"He's just not very good with new situations and I don't want him to get hurt. _That _is the only reason I'm telling you this." He may have also inadvertently answered my question.

"I don't want to hurt him," Louis says quietly. He sounds distant, like he's thinking about something else.

I feel slightly better hearing Louis' intentions, until I realize he never said he _wouldn't_, just that he didn't want to. Now I'm nervous as to what he's thinking about that has obviously made him this way, terrified about his words and more determined than ever to go slow with whatever it is we have. I'd rather be his friend than get dumped and lose him later.

Jack either doesn't pick up on his word choice like I do or doesn't want to point it out. "Good."

"I never thought I'd see a day where Jackson Ryder is honest and serious." It's something he'd normally say to tease him, but he sounds a little too serious, something he's trying to cover up.

And Jack follows suit. "Tell anybody and I'll hunt you down and kick your ass."

"You'll have to find me first."

I leave then, continue my way to the bathroom. When I sit back on the couch, the first thing I'm asked is what took me so long. I tell them I didn't want to miss, which gets a laugh. We're back to relaxing and chatting until Lucy says hi and Jack closes up. They confuse me too much lately and I'm agreeing with Louis today; I don't need the headache. Especially not after before.

Lucy doesn't stay for very long; she wants to put her stuff away and get changed before dinner. Jack says he'll meet us in the Great Hall, that he has to go talk to Burns, the Transfiguration teacher. The moment we're alone, Louis threads his fingers through mine. He does that a lot when his cousin's not around; he says it's because he knows I don't like it when she talks about us and because he hopes it'll change my opinion about us and go out with him sooner rather the later.

Okay, he didn't say that second one, but I swear it's true! Ever since I admitted I liked him, he's gone crazy with the flirting and the touching. I'm still trying to process this!

"You know, I think we can at least work up to being able to cross off the first thing on your list."

See, I told you!

"I'll think about it."

I hear Lucy come back down and he leans closer to whisper in my ear. "I'll be thinking about it, too."

He let's go of my hand and I use them to cover my face to try and control myself. Even with me still thinking about before, he manages to make me laugh. He keeps being able to make situations better.

I like that about him.


	13. Handstands vs Rollerblades

There are times in my life when listening to Jack, scratch that, when going through with one of his insane dares is a very bad idea. The rational part of my mind reminds me that right now is one of those time in my life. However, silly me does not agree. In fact, it's the most simple, easiest dare I've ever been asked to do. Well, told. Jack never asks.

"I can't believe you're doing this."

I laugh; of course Lucy doesn't approve. Much. She thinks it's rather funny, she just doesn't believe I'm actually doing it. I push myself up with my arms, stretching as much as I can in an effort to get rid of the cramp. It only helps a little, but it's enough to relax back into my original position. "How long do I have to be like this for?"

"Until I say otherwise," Jack replies.

Translation: indefinitely. He finds it way too funny. It's gonna be a _long_ day. My arms will cramp up again soon, I see myself stretching in an effort to release said cramp often. I nod. "Okie dokie."

"Your actions and your words both prove that you are a child at heart."

"Took you this long to figure that out, Luce?"

"Don't be a smart-ass, Mr. James." She throws something at me; it hits me in the chest and I almost fall. My arms are starting to hurt again. I have little upper body strength. I'm starting to forget why I accepted this dare. And then I wobble.

The common room door opens. "Are you actually doing a handstand?"

Louis? Oh, yeah. Lucy sneakily gave him the password, says he's allowed it because he's a prefect. But not Head Boy. I wonder why. Given everything he does for the school and the students, I'd have thought he'd have been given Head Boy and not the other Ravenclaw boy. His name also begins with an L. I ask him.

He chuckles weirdly, his confusion is evident. "I didn't want it, I shouldn't be allowed to be put in charge of others; it's not safe for them. You know what I'm like. Luka is a great Head Boy. Why are you suddenly asking me this?"

"It just popped into my head," I shrug. "I think the blood is rushing straight to my head. I'm not thinking straight."

You'd think that would be my incentive to get down, besides the sore arms and the cramps. Ouch, it's really starting to hurt. Why did I take this insane dare and agree to handstand until Jack told me to get down? Because I'm an idiot, that's why. Ah, but sometimes you have to be an idiot. At least it's nothing embarrassingly stupid. Just the normal kind of stupid.

"So, tell me, CJ." I hear footsteps come my way. At least I think they're coming my way. I can't tell; everything sounds fuzzy.

"What?" I choke out. This is getting harder. He's right in front of me now; he runs his hand down my chest. Or up; his fingers start at my belly button and stop at my chin. He tells me to lower my head to the ground. There's a cushion on the floor; yes. I rest my head on top and make sure I'm balanced and it's safe before I move my arms and cross them over my chest. I have no doubt Louis would catch me if I were to fall, purely because he's right there. Jack calls it cheating, but I don't care. "Much better."

"For now," Louis agrees. "So, how come you'll willingly balance yourself on your hands and risk falling on your face, but we can't rollerblade in the halls?"

Jack let's out an over dramatic gasp. "Hey, you're rollerblading in the halls? Digby said I couldn't do that anymore."

"I'm not rollerblading in the halls," I protest, rolling my eyes at Jack's words. "That is far from unsafe, it's deadly. You've seen the stairs. And I'm getting woozy."

They ignore that last comment, which is probably the most important thing I've said. "It's on your list, Key."

He did that on purpose. "_Rollerblading _is on my list, like in a park. Not in the halls. I'm not_ that_ stupid."

"You do know what you're doing, right?" Louis counters. I assume it's a rhetorical question; I don't answer him. "You're going to hurt yourself or pass out if you don't stop soon."

"Neither is going to happen." My head wobbles, the cushion slides a little and Louis' hands grab my waist. I start again. "Neither is going to happen because you are here."

Now my legs start to shake. I move forwards and Louis doesn't wait for me to say anything; he holds on tighter, lowers me down and then pulls me to my feet. Or, to be more specific, or maybe I'm just being my usual awkwardly perceptive self when it comes to the guy, he pulls me closer to his chest. He smells fruity, as usual. See, I'm not so bad that I forget the little details about him. I recall them. Vividly. Personally I think it's him that is making my head cloudy. "Better?"

I don't answer him until I'm no longer all wobbly and can let go of him without the fear of falling on my face. And his aftershave is not distracting me. "Yes. Thank you."

"So, who's stupid idea was that?" I only point past him, but I know he understands exactly who I'm pointing at. "Oh, I should've known."

"Hey," Jack calls out. "It was either handstand indefinitely or make a pass on Davies. He decided to leave the latter to you."

"You're hilarious," Louis replies sarcastically. "Next time you play Ryder's Comedy Show, leave my personal life out of it."

"I'd listen to him, Jack, he doesn't like people talking about him."

Lucy gives him the best, most sincere bit of advice she can give and do you know what he picks up on. "Did you just call me Jack?"

Yeah, that.

She mumbles incoherently, to me anyway, probably about his question; it's most likely for Jack's ears only. I don't care what she says. They continue to talk amongst themselves; from what I can pick up, Jack is teasing her about using his nickname rather than his full name. At least they're not arguing anymore. Something seems to be fixing that. You know what I hear is helpful...

"Stop it," Louis whispers in my ear, pushing me backwards until I hit the wall. I sit on the floor, Louis sat besides me. "You have no proof, so stop. You don't know that they're together."

"If they're not, they should be," is all I say on that matter. I go back to the other week instead, to when I overheard Louis and Jack's serious conversation. Between class, the library and turoring, this is the first time since that night that we've been able to spend any time alone. I look up when I hear Jack laugh; well, almost alone. It seemed almost planned, like Louis was dodging me (I did _try_ to talk to him), but that can't be right. Louis doesn't know anything about me listening. Does he? But that's not what I want to talk about anyway, not even close. I just don't want to go there; my fear is my own. That Jack and now Louis knows about it... I don't like it. "The other week when we were relaxing in here, why did you want to come with me to the bathroom when you're usually on Team 'You Can Do Anything'?"

He laughs at me. "I didn't want you to leave me with Jack."

"Why? I thought you were friends."

"We are," he agrees. "But I can only take Jack's friendship in small doses as he talks about awkward things that I'd rather not discuss and he likes to do it when you are not around because you can't save me from him."

"Of course," I grin, shaking my head. "Jack in small doses is probably best until you've known him for at least a couple of years."

"I can hear you, asshole," Jack growls.

I smirk. "You were meant to." Ow. Okay, people have got to stop throwing things at me; it's hazardous. At least this one was just a cushion, admittedly it was probably aimed at, and successfully hit, my face, but it's soft and cushion-like. I'm not sure that's actually a word, but I like it. I love Hufflepuff's soft, cushion-like cushions, perfect for nap time. Unfortunately, I don't get to have one often.

"Don't start anything with him; he was being quiet and they weren't fighting," Louis moans quietly. He can bitch and moan about anybody when he wants to, just as long as they don't hear him. And they never seem to. Sneaky.

"I won't if you explain why you always come to Hufflepuff and we never go to Ravenclaw," I say, a cocky smile on my face. At least I hope it looks cocky; one can never tell. I already know his answer; he tells me often, thinks I don't listen. But I just like to annoy him by making him repeat himself.

Listen to that sigh; I'd say he's _sick_ of repeating himself, but maybe he knows. He's quick when it comes to me and my games. Sometimes he plays along. Depends who the game is focused on.

Like Roxanne, for example. He doesn't like to play that game. I'm not even sure there's still a game to play; I don't know her answer, she hasn't talked to me in a while. At first I thought she just hadn't figured it out yet, but she'd come to me wanting to know more if that were the case. Now I think she does know and just isn't handling it very well. Who will she go to now that she knows she can't have me?

I don't say any of this to Louis. Ever. He tells me to be nice. It's best to keep quiet.

I am actually nice around people, it's just in my head or to him that I say something and I am _then _told I have to be nice. It's not like anyone else'll ever hear me.

"I come here because it's peaceful and quiet and because you like it here; it's familiar to you, you know your surroundings and the people here know you," he answers. Which is all very true. "You'd never go to Ravenclaw." I snort; also true. "And I don't want to; they're all nosy and annoying. Not here, I like it here."

I nod, trying not to laugh at his tone. "Do you want me to stop asking that?"

"Yes," Louis says, exasperated. "Please stop, I'll do anything."

I raise an eye-brow, loving the pleading tone. I am just evil to him, aren't I? "Anything?" I wink, nudging him with my elbow.

Louis' hand wraps around my upper arm, leaning closer to me, and his lips are on my temple, lingering slightly before moving to my ear. I guess my friends don't notice, because they'd have definitely commented on it. Wouldn't they?

He whispers in my ear, "Just say the word."

I don't even try to suppress my body's reaction; he knows how I feel about him. At least, he knows enough. I lean my head back against the wall, pull my legs up to my chest and he let's out a husky chuckle. Damn him is all I can think while he kisses the shell of my ear. And then it's not all I can think about.

"That's not fair, Lucy!"

Jack's shout jerks me from my thoughts and the movement is enough for Louis to remove his mouth from my skin (I can't believe I already miss the contact), but he doesn't let go of my arm. "I'm just waiting for you."

He eventually does let go of my arm, but only to take my hand instead. "I want to say that you make it really easy to tease you after you mess with me, but it kind of gets to me, too."

"Kind of?" I ask, pretending I'm insulted. Okay, maybe I'm just a little insulted. It should get to him way more than 'kind of'; at least as much as he gets to me. And, yeah, he gets to me a lot, I'm way past the point of caring or denying.

"Maybe more than 'kind of'," he says quietly. "But I'm not saying how much more."

"Why not?"

"Because I have to go; I have a tutoring session. I only came here to see you." Louis kisses my cheek and leaves, calling out a good bye as the door shuts behind him.

"What was he saying to you?" Lucy asks, curious.

"Tutoring."

"Yeah, before that."

I shake my head, I'm not telling her mine and Louis' business. "What's not fair, Jack?"

"You remember I brought my pack of cards down this morning? The one's my dad gave me when I was stuck in St Mungo's?" I nod. "Yeah, well, I regret teaching her how to play poker."

"Don't worry, Jack, it's not like you're alone in that; she'd probably beat me, too." I try to look serious, but my lip twitches. Lucy laughs first, followed by me, and then Jack. And this is just one of the reasons why the three of us are still friends, despite their fighting. We can laugh and joke and make light fun of each other and it means nothing.

I must be in a really good mood to say this, but I love my friends. Even the one who could be more.

Yeah, I must be in a _really_ good mood.


	14. Gifts: Wanted and Otherwise

"No. No! Louis, if your messing causes an accident, I'm blaming you."

I say the same thing over and over, laughing in-between, but the idiot still continues to mess about, tickling my sides and pulling me closer to him whenever I move away. Now, if we were in the library or the common room or even the Great Hall I wouldn't mind. But we're not, we are in Potions class and Professor Gibbon just gave us instructions to make Amortentia. Making a love potion while Louis is in a playfully good mood; how is this going to be a good thing?

Answer: it's not.

I grab his hands as soon as I feel them hold onto my hips, threading our fingers together, and stop him from moving further. "We have a potion to make."

His hair tickles my left ear, moving from side to side. "No, Baby, _I_ have a potion to make; you are going to stand there and make sarcastic comments while telling me to hurry up, despite the fact that you try to distract me."

His teeth grazes the top of my ear. My eyes narrow, though I'm sure only Lucy and Jack can see me, considering they are laughing. I bend my arm so my elbow is digging into his stomach. "I dare you to call me to 'Baby' again. Go on, I know where your crotch is."

"Tell me your real name," he challenges.

I drop his hands and move to the side, giving him a smile of my own. Lucy tells me he's pouting. Louis says he's not, but I don't believe him. "Just make the potion and shush."

"I'll find out, Baby." I roll my eyes at his mutterings, refuse to acknowledge the pet name. "Well, you hate 'Key' and you won't tell me your real one; I need a new name."

"It's not allowed," I say. "Make the potion."

"He's still pouting."

"I am not. Much," he amends. He sounds like he's joking.

I reach out and find his arm. I run my hand upwards, to his shoulder, and hold on. "The quicker you make the potion, the quicker we can finish for the day and I can give you your surprises."

He gasps mockingly. Or is he actually genuine this time? It's hard to tell with Louis sometimes. It's his next words that point more towards genuine, and then excitement. "I love surprises."

"I know you do, so hurry. And considering it's a special day, I'll help. With what I can, anyway."

"Help; it's got to be the nicest present I've ever received."

While Jack and I laugh, Lucy protests; she's obviously pretending she's not happy about what Louis just said because she doesn't sound upset. She does tell him that he's wrong and her present for him is better than my 'help'. I don't pay attention, I listen to the instructions Louis gives me when he not calling Lucy on the fact that he hasn't even seen the present.

I still find it hard to believe that we've gotten to this point; Louis has officially been a part of group for three months now. I didn't think we'd ever have another, content with it being the three of us forever. But, no, Louis came and... It's not still strange. It's normal, like he's been here forever. Sometimes I start to think he has been.

I pull my cloak closer to me. It's always been cold down in the dungeons, but it's winter, we leave for our Christmas holidays in a couple of days, and it seems to be just that little bit colder, reminding us of the season. I focus on stirring the cauldron, clockwise until he says otherwise he told me, and think about his presents upstairs in the Hufflepuff common room, wrapped and ready for him.

Yes, presents. Because not only is it almost Christmas, it is December eighteenth; Louis is eighteen today. Jack helped me get his presents, more than that, Jack actually got him a present, and wrapped them for me. We know eighteen is a big age in the Muggle world and, while we can't do anything big here in school, we're making Louis celebrate it in some way anyway. Besides, I didn't know him to celebrate his seventeenth, so this can make up for it. I just really hope he likes the presents.

"Here." Louis brings me back to earth. Damn I'm starting to pick up his habits. He's stood behind me, his hand over mine while he stirs. "Almost done. What were you thinking about?"

"Your birthday, your gifts."

"You know, you didn't have to get me anything," he says. I can tell he's curious, though; he loves presents.

"Of course I did, friends get friends presents. What kind of friend would I be if I got you nothing?"

"It would depend on the reason why, but, generally, a bad one," he says playfully.

"And _I'm_ not a bad friend," I state with a nod. I lean back against him and he let's go of the cauldron, bringing my hand with him. He starts to tickle me again, personally I think it's just his excuse to touch me. "No, Louis, we're busy."

His hand reaches my skin just under my rib and I lose it, I start giggling like it's uncontrollable. I hate being ticklish.

"Mr. James."

Well, that shuts me up. Mostly; there's still a few giggles. But still, I'm not happy about that. "Professor Gibbon."

"Is there anything you'd like to share with the class?"

I shake my head, trying to stifle any more involuntary laughter. He's still got a finger on my side. "No, Professor."

"Good. Mr. Weasley." His hand drops quickly. Ha ha. Is she still here? It's very quiet. "As soon as you have finished, you hand me the vial and you may go. I trust you not to take any."

She says it to the class, but she's still at our table, right by me; her voice rings in my ear and I jump. Louis' hands are back at my waist. "She's gone now," he says quietly.

"So very loud," I mutter, rubbing my ear.

"You okay, Mr. James?"

Oh, smug little dick that he is. Yeah, I went there. Again. I can't believe this; all my time and energy spent on this game, all my planning, and I was so good at making sure no one talked. It's half gone, ruined. Louis knows my last name. Sure it's not my first name, but how many people in this place have the last name 'James'?

Answer: Me.

The student population of Hogwarts is not that big, you know!

There may be a couple with the first name 'James', one being his own cousin, but not a last name. It won't take him long to figure it out now. He won't even have to figure it out, he should know it now. It should be obvious. So why isn't he saying anything?

"He doesn't look very happy," Louis says instead.

"Of course he's not," Jack scoffs. "His game is ruined because you heard his name before you figured it out. Honestly, it's not gonna take you long to find out his first name now. If you don't remember it already."

He still doesn't say. And then it clicks. All his pestering, trying to get me to tell him. He's been playing his own game all this time.

Something must have happened between the other three, maybe Louis gave something away with a facial expression or body language, because both Lucy and Jack's 'ah' tells me they've come to the same conclusion.

"Sneaky," Lucy says, sounding almost appreciative.

"You two are just perfect for each other," Jack says next and he sounds bitter about that. "How long do we have before the sky falls and the world ends? Because this cannot be good."

Oh. I shake my head, letting out a soft chuckle, and turn around to lean against the table, my hands in my pockets. It's not hazardous if I don't move. "Finished with the potion yet?"

"Almost, Monsier James." No, my body does _not_ react when I hear that French accent that he picked up as a child and can hide but never lost, same as me. That would be outrageous and stupid and... Oh, what's the point. "We can go soon."

"Sure." My voice _definitely_ does not come out all husky. Shut up, Jackson. "Call my last name a gift. Hurry up or you won't get the others."

And, no, I do _not_ hear a sexy laugh. Nor did I consider it sexy, not even a little. Okay, maybe a little.

"CJ's lived in the UK for so long that you never know he's French until he's with his mother's family," Jack states, surprised. "His accent has never come out here in school."

"And he's never made it sound hot before," Lucy says quietly. I hope she's only pretending to be interested in me; Lucy is sounding a lot like my cousin when she thinks she's in love. Awkward.

Wait, accent? As in_ my _French accent? "Shit, did I do that?"

They gasp, like really this time. "Did you just swear, CJ?"

"I think I did. Oops." Because I don't swear in general; rarely in my head, even less so out loud. So when I do, it's a_ big_ deal.

I don't care; Louis' still laughing at me. "I still love learning new things about you."

There's something in his tone that tells me he wants to ask me something, to say more, but he doesn't. He seems to change the subject completely while the other two get over the fact that I spoke with my accent_and_ swore. "It's done. I'll give this to the professor, then we can go."

"Cool." Damn, now that I've started it's hard going back to an English accent. I repeat the word 'cool' over and over until I get it. Okay I say it three times, same thing. "Better."

It doesn't take Louis long to hand the vial of love potion to the professor, pack up our things and lead the way out of the dungeon. I hear a couple of whispers when people notice that he's taken my hand again, but mostly they just don't care. The most they talk about is that I've 'gone from one Weasley to another'. I admit it's not exactly what I want to hear, considering they were all wrong about both rumors and I haven't been with Lucy or Louis, but it's kind of hard to care what they think when I do like him and my body reacts to him physically; I want to be with him. So it doesn't matter to me that they think we're already together... Except for the fact that it's me who's stopping that from happening. I still don't know why. But I will.

Maybe I just like the whole casual flirting part that happens in the beginning. I've never done it before.

"You think way too much," Louis laughs.

"Shush. This is very important stuff, stuff you may one day benefit from. Not telling you any more than that," I smirk.

"Aww, why not." We both freeze at the new voice. I was too busy focusing on Louis; I don't know where the voice came from. "Tell us what the benefit is."

If anything I stiffen more; my back straight and my eyes narrowed. I'm not scared of the guy, but I'm definitely more cautious. "What do you want, Daniel?"

He sounds amused. "I want to hear the benefit."

"I want you to leave."

He doesn't, he moves closer; I start to smell his breath. "He said leave, Daniel."

"Shut your mouth, Weasley. Justin says hi, by the way."

That does it, I think. Louis might as well have hit me, I wince when I hear him hit Daniel. Daniel let's out a pained scream, then I'm pushed out of the way as Louis groans. I wish I knew what was actually happening so I could stop it. But, for some reason, I try anyway. I can hear Louis gasping for breath on my right, which means it's Daniel who is right in front of me, coming closer. I hold out my hand, find his arm and grab hold.

"Let go of me, James."

"Leave, Scott."

He snatches his arm away forcefully, which knocks me backwards a little, but I try again. "No," I hear Louis shout, but I have no idea why and that starts to scare me. "CJ!"

Something hard, I can only assume it's his fist, connects with my nose and fall back against the wall. I slide to the floor, almost in slow motion, and clutch my face. I'm in so much pain. Then a new voice comes; Jack's.

"I've got him, Louis. Help CJ, stop the bleeding. You have to stop the bleeding."

I feel it running down my hand when Louis pulls it away. "Let me see."

"Don't make me go to the infirmary, they'll call my mum," I whisper.

"He's gone," Jack calls out. I hear him make his way back to us. "I'll sort it out." I know he means Daniel Scott. "Stop the bleeding than take him to the common room; he has blood replenishing potions from his healer in a cooled box in his trunk, I'll get it."

Louis takes hold of my face and quickly the blood stops and he fixes my nose. He pulls me up. "Let's get you cleaned up, yeah."

I don't talk at all on the way to Hufflepuff, he just whispers encouraging words in my ear as we walk. When we get there he sits me down on the floor, him sitting behind me and lying my head on his chest. Louis tucks his finger under my chin and makes me look up so he can wipe the blood of my face.

"Why didn't you ever tell me you where a haemophiliac?" he says finally.

He figured out. Admittedly, I don't think it would take a genius. "You never asked. There's nothing to talk about." He scoffs, saying it's a big deal. "It's not severe, in the three months you've known me and the seven years I've been at this school nothing has happened. The potion is there if I need it; my mum made me."

"Good. Here's Jack."

Jack comes in the common room, runs up the stairs. He's back in a couple of minutes and puts a potion vial in my hand. "Drink it."

I do and I feel the potion run through me; I don't feel as dizzy any more; I must have lost more blood from the nose bleed than I thought, although evidently not enough to _have_ to go to the nurse, thank God. Louis was right; it was a good thing my mum made me keep the potions with me. "Thank you."

"I bumped into Lucy while I was looking for Scott, told her," Jack says, sounding guilty.

"And?" I prompt, but I get the feeling I already know the answer and I dread hearing it.

"She went to Digby."

I groan into my hands. Louis pulls them away from my face and I lean back into his chest. Only then do I remember that it's his birthday and I refuse to let it be ruined because of this. "Your presents." I lean across, grab the bag I had hidden at the side of the couch and feel inside for the medium-sized present. I put it in front of me; not only do I get the feeling he won't let me move, I also don't want to. It's got to be a step forward in this relationship. "Open it."

"Okay." He's cautious, slow, like he's insure about changing the subject. But he does and he opens the first gift. "It's a book."

"It's to learn Braille," I explain, trying to be enthusiastic, I don't want there to be any tension on his birthday. "I figured if you're going to be stuck with me, it'd be helpful."

"It will be. Would I be weird to love it?"

"That is the emotion I wanted," I laugh. I grab the next present. "Open it."

He tears this one faster than before; see, excitement. It's a good thing. "Ah, I love this chocolate. Anything else in that bag?" I pull it further so it's at our sides and he looks through it. "I'm trying to get rid of this aftershave."

"Well, I like it so it's staying."

He looks in again, obviously ignoring what I said. "Thank you," he whispers in my ear, not wanting Jack to hear. He's noticed the paints and Brushes. Louis doesn't know that it was Jack who helped me. He'll probably figure it out eventually, but Jack gave me his word he wouldn't say anything. It's not like he knows anything anyway, just that Louis paints. I don't even know anything.

I whisper back anyway, "You're welcome."

The door to the common room opens again. "Did you tell him?"

"Yeah, I told him you went to Digby," Jack tells Lucy.

"I figured you would, I was talking to Lewis," she replies sounding smug. Does she not remember my hatred of getting my mother involved?

"Oh, then I'm confused as to what's going on."

"She's talking about New Year," Louis explains. Oh, he's irritated. He must hate that name about as much as I hate _my _nicknames. I wonder why. More to the point, I should remember that next time he calls me 'Key' or, I suppress a shudder, 'Baby'.

"What about New Year?"

"We have a party every year." I nod. I know, Lucy keeps trying to invite me. "It's at our grandparents house and the outside. We want you both to come and now that I'm here, you can't say no." He wraps his arms around my waist. "Come to the party?"

"Is it just your family?" Jack asks. I roll my eyes.

"No, friends, too," Lucy says.

"Damn." Wait, I'd thought he'd be happy about that; he won't have to just speak to them. I think it's still only Fred he'll talk to willingly. I laugh as soon as I remember that Harry Potter knows Jack's family; they'd probably be there. No wonder he never wants to go.

I shake my head when Louis asks what; he'll know soon enough. "We'll be there."

"What?"

I smirk in Jack's direction. "I said we'll be there."

This is going to be fun. Today didn't turn out so bad after all. Happy birthday, Louis.


	15. Surprises at Christmas

I love Christmas in my house; my dad's home for the holiday, there's Christmas music on all afternoon and my mum bakes while I get to be the official tester. It's normal, it's nice. I wish today was like that. Unfortunately not. And it's all because of what happened six days ago.

Not long after Louis got all of his presents, Digby had us called into his office. My parents were already there, as were Louis' and Scott's. They wanted to hear what we had to say, but they were talking amongst themselves and it took my dad yelling to get them all to shut up. Sometimes parents are worse than the kids, I swear. My mum blamed Scott, his parents blamed Louis and Louis' parents went on about how he had the right to defend himself and his friends. Basically they agreed with my mum.

Only it was Jack who defended me and Louis who threw the first punch. Even if what Scott said did provoke him somehow, it didn't really look all that good for him. I was worried as to what he was going to say.

Did they have to be so loud?

"Let the kids speak," Dad had said calmly once everyone had settled down. "Jazmine," he warned my mum. She must have tried to speak. My dad's always been good at controlling a crowd, it's what makes him so good at his job in International Magical Cooperation.

"We were on our way to Hufflepuff after Potions and he was waiting for us. We told him to leave, he said no and then he started talking about my ex." Louis stopped then, hesitated. "I hit him and then he came at me, his punch to my stomach winded me. CJ tried to stop him and Daniel hit him, caused his nose to bleed. I found it hard to breathe after he hit me, I wasn't fast enough to stop him, but Jack got there before anything else happened. He told me what to do and about the potions he has, so I fixed CJ's nose in the corridor, took him to his common room and cleaned his face. Jack came and got him the potion, then told us Lucy had come to you. That's it."

Louis had taken a deep breath after that, I heard him let it out. "I know that what he said was just to get a reaction out of me and it worked, but I also know I shouldn't have hit him, I apologize for that, and I'll take whatever punishment I get. But CJ was only trying to help, he didn't do anything wrong."

It had been quiet for a long while, we were just waiting for Digby to tell us what was going to happen. "Since it's Christmas soon, I've decided to be lenient; Mr. Weasley and Mr. Scott will both receive detentions each night for the duration of term and for the week they come back. The first will be tonight after dinner; you'll come here. Consider this your warning. You may go."

Duration of term, including that night, had only been three, so it didn't sound so bad, even with the other week. That was probably what he meant by 'lenient'. After a word with their respective kids, both Scott's and Louis' parents gave their good byes and left, then Jack and Lucy, until it was just my parents, Louis and I. What a great way to meet Mum and Dad. I felt so sorry for him already. And me. This meeting wasn't meant to be for... A long time, let's put it that way.

My mum started to fuss, hugging me tightly. "Are you okay, honey?"

"I'm fine, Mum. I'm a big boy," I reminded.

"Don't baby him, Jaz, he's seventeen now." I can always count on Dad.

"But he's still my baby," she countered.

"Who you happen to be squishing."

Eventually she let go, but it didn't lighten the mood. "I hope you realize how lucky you both are here," Dad said to us. "If your condition had gotten any worse, CJ, it could have led to suspension for him. Who knows what could have happened to you. But I'm proud of you for wanting to help, even if it wasn't the best idea in the world. I'm just glad you're okay. Now I'd hug you, but I promised not in front of an audience, so I'll see you at home."

He ran his hand through my hair instead, ruffling it up. But at least he didn't hug me. It was bad enough my mum did, if my dad did, too, in front of Louis, I'd have died... A little too melodramatic?

"It was nice to finally meet you, Louis. Believe it or not, they have actually mentioned you."

Dad said good bye to us both, followed by mum, who snuck in another hug, and they left. Louis and I went to dinner, while he told me what he thought of my parents, he went to his detentions, packed and we got the train home three days ago. And now Mum is being strange and not her version of normal while my version of strange either; it's unnerving. Dad says she's thinking something through. If that's the case, she may be quiet for a while.

She's in the kitchen with Dad while I'm sat alone in the living room, listening to Christmas songs. I thought it best not to get in the way. The door's wide open, so there's no creak, but I do hear his footsteps. And I feel the couch sink a little further in due to his weight. The smell of freshly baked treats are wafted under my nose. "Cookie?" I shake my head. "My God, you're sick."

"I'm fine. What's Mum thinking about?" I crack. I can't help it, I need to know... It's not like I'm ever going to be a world class spy.

"She's thinking about things she should have thought about a long time ago," he says quietly.

Oh. "She's thinking about me."

"It's nothing bad, kiddo. It's just something she needs to do," Dad assures me. "Now -" He's cut off when the phone rings. The phone is mainly for Dad's Muggle friends that he's kept in touch with since childhood and one's he'd made later, but occasionally his Muggleborn friends from Hogwarts and work call. Sometimes Jack does. Lucy's more likely to use the Floo network. There aren't all that many wizards with a phone. So I can't imagine any of them calling now, on Christmas Eve.

"Mum still doesn't know how to use that," I tell him as he goes to get it.

"That's because she's a Halfblood with a Pureblood family, she never had one growing up, not like me, the Muggleborn. Hello." He sinks back into the couch and there's a really long pause. "How the hell did you get this number? Oh, really. It's for you." Dad hands me the phone. "Louis says his brother is very good at his job."

I laugh and take it. "Louis' brother is a journalist." Dad mutters about how much sense that makes on his way out. I put the phone to my ear. "Hi."

"Your dad was not happy about me getting this number."

"He was just surprised. How did Dom get it?"

"I just asked for your number. Personally, I'd rather not know. I think I heard something about getting Hugo's help and, if that's the case, I really don't want to know. I tried to get ahold of Lucy first, if that's any consolation. She wasn't answering, so she couldn't give me yours or Jack's."

"Because you like talking to Jack or because he was your second choice for finding me?" He laughs down the phone and says the second one. I frown, although then I remember that he can't see to elaborate like he normally would. I don't talk to people on the phone much. It's Dad's really. "You don't talk about Hugo much."

"For good reason," he warns me. "I'll fill you in at the party."

"Okay. Where are you?" I'm trying to figure out where he is by the background noise. I think I can hear water, which makes sense because he said he lives on a beach, but I didn't know he had a phone.

"When you leave the beach, there's this little village. The village has a payphone and my dad, who works in a bank, has Muggle money. I just needed your number."

"Well, you do know that you could have just waited for Lucy, gotten my address from her and floo called, right?" I ask with a confused smile. I mean, why go through all that trouble of finding the phone number?

"I know, but that would have meant pretending my mum wasn't listening to me while _she_ pretended she wasn't listening at all. I need my privacy. Anyway, there's a reason I called."

I fake gasp. "You mean to say you it's not because you miss me? This is what it feels like to die inside. It hurts."

"Actually, I think that's the reason," he cuts in and I suddenly stop talking and listen. I knew it, but it's nice to hear it. "I told myself it was to see how you are after what happened in school, but I kinda forgot that when you started talking." He pauses. "I can't remember the last time I missed someone. It's strange."

What's strange is hearing him taking whatever feelings he has seriously instead of flirting all the time. Is that another step up in the 'I don't want to be with a commitment phobe' part of why we're not together when Lucy asks? I'm gonna say yes. I change the subject, though; I don't want him freaking out over it. "Well, I'm okay. My mum is acting weird, though."

"How so?"

"Dad said she's thinking about things she should have thought about a long time ago?"

"What does that mean?"

"It means she's thinking about me and I'll find out when she's ready to tell me," I translate quietly. I don't want them knowing I'm telling Louis about this, do I? Maybe I'm a little nervous to hear her thoughts, too.

"I'm sure it's nothing to worry about," Louis assures me. How does he do that? He's not even here, he can't see me. But I do feel better. A little.

"If I find out before the party, I'll let you know. Speaking of which, I need to tell them about that."

"You better be coming. I will come to wherever you live and bring you myself. Where do you live?"

"Essex. If you want specifics, you're gonna have to ask someone else; I'm just brought here. And I'll be at the party, I promise."

"Good. I have to go, my money is running out in this phone. Next time, I'll either endure my mum's snooping or flirt with the waiter in the café into using that one."

"Endure your mum's snooping," I tell him. Even to my ears it doesn't sound very nice. It's almost... Possessive and jealous. It's like Halloween all over again. I clear my throat, but Louis doesn't seem to mind. In fact, he sounds pleased. Like it's the reaction he wanted.

Ciaran: 1. Louis: 3.

I'll get him back for that.

"I'll see you soon, CJ. Merry Christmas."

"Merry Chrismas," I manage to say before the line goes dead. I drop the phone at my side and lean back into the couch.

"What party?"

I jump out of my skin. "Dad! How long where you listening?"

"Long enough," he says with his mouth full. Ew. "These cookies are delicious, by the way. So, what party?"

"Lucy's New Year party, the one she invites me to every year."

"You're actually going this year?" He sounds surprised. Am I that boring?

"Yes."

"Is this so you can spend time with Louis?"

"Yes." Lying is just a hassle.

"I like him." Good. "He seems like a good guy." He is. Mostly. Shh. "Does he know about your rule that it has to be special?"

"Yes."

Dad scoffs. "Then he's a _really_ good guy."

He groans. If he didn't want an elbow in the gut, he shouldn't have chosen to sit so close. "So, I can go?"

"From what I hear, you've already decided."

"I'm being polite. Where's Mum?"

"Here." Mum sits on my other side. I remember now why I have a corner in the Hufflepuff common room and why I hate sitting in the middle; I feel trapped. I can't get out!. "We want to talk to you."

I nod, hope that gulp wasn't too loud. Uh oh. "Okay."

"Don't look so worried. It's not bad." I wish saying that automatically made me feel better. It doesn't. "You know, I've been a worrier my whole life. Even though I begged my parents to go to Hogwarts, I was scared I'd be alone. It was a new country, I had to speak in my second language all the time. But I went and I don't regret it. Of course when I met your dad, he only made it worse at first," Dad doesn't like that, "but the end result is what matters. When I got the job here and we moved officially, I knew that I'd worry about you while your dad travelled and I would be looking after you alone for the first time, letting you go to daycare and not being with you. After what happened, I guess it just became _more _of a worry and I don't think I've ever taken it very well. To the point where you don't take it very well. You say you're fine, but you look for guidance. When something goes wrong, you panic. You say you've accepted it, but you haven't."

"Don't."

"No," she interrupts. She's stern, determined. This is what Dad meant. "We need to fix this, Ciaran. You're seventeen now, an independent adult, and I'm not going to stop you living your life, no matter how much I worry. I trust you and I know you'll be okay because you can do anything. We've always known that really. It'll take time, and I'm sorry it's taken so long for me to say this, but once you've fully accepted that being blind won't change anything, you'll see it, too."

That's good to know," I mutter, standing up. "If you'll excuse me, I have a party to get ready for."

"Ciaran."

"No." It's my turn to interrupt. "You're not me, you don't know what it's like. Last week when Scott punched me was Louis' birthday. That night Jack told me he couldn't stop smiling when we were in the common room. I would never have known if he hadn't told me. So I hate what happened to me. I barely even remember it, but I hate it. And I won't talk about it anymore. Not now, not ever, because there's no point; it'll always be the same. I appreciate it, though. Thank you. I'll be down for dinner."

I linger out the door, by the stairs, long enough to hear whatever they have to say to each other. "Should we bring him back in? Sit him down? He needs to understand."

"No," Dad says softly. "That kind of goes against the space you said you'd give him. Just let him keep that space. He's only seventeen and Louis is the first person he's ever been close to. Knowing Ciaran, he's probably confused and nervous enough as it is without wanting to think about what being blind brings with it. He just needs time to adjust."

"You're probably right," she agrees with Dad. "We'll leave him."

I continue up the stairs, hoping he's right.

***

Not even Christmas has me waking up early. Honestly, it's just not me. I asked once and I've never wanted to get up early. I've been woken up my whole life. My parents were so pleased to have such a quiet baby (my uncle's words, not mine). It's always Mum who wakes me up on the special occasions like Christmas, because, whatever this is, I get it from Dad.

I feel her hand on my back, shaking me. "Come on, Ciaran. I waited until your friends floo called your presents and I sent theirs back, so now you have to get up."

"Fine," I groan. That's kind of the deal, you see. Mum let's me sleep in instead of going straight to my grandparents and waiting around for Christmas dinner, but she always wakes me up after all my presents have come and she's delivered my friends from me, so that I have time to open them. If I don't get up after all my presents come, she'll start waking me up early. And what sane person wants that?

I roll to the edge and swing my feet out, stand up and find the bathroom. I have to brush my teeth first, even if I don't get washed and ready. I hate morning breath. Then I go downstairs. I can hear my dad snoring on the couch. He won't be the moment he smells eggs and toast.

I sit on the floor against the couch, near the arm. It's my spot, it's where I go at Christmas, and my presents are already there. They go in an order; parents, rest of family, friends. New books (ever the Ravenclaw, Mum), a watch that tells me the time when I press a button (only this one doesn't say 'earthling' just the time), a talking remembrall (this might actually come in handy), new clothes (probably something I'll wear today). The one Mum says is from Lucy is a new quill, among other things, and Jack's is a voice activated journal, password protected and only my voice opens it. That is... Quite cool actually. Especially since I like to fill my journals with music that is written as I play by my magic quill and I don't like people to see.

"How sweet of them to coordinate their gifts," Mum gushes. "Are they together yet?"

I cross my two fingers together. "Almost."

Dad wakes just as I get to the last gift, from Louis I guess. I find the gift tag and I'm about to show it to Mum so she can read it out to me when my fingers brush the over the top and I stop. It's in Braille. How did he manage that?

"What does it say?" Dad asks as he yawns.

I read it, sure my smile is getting bigger each second. He's actually learning. You can tell it's inexperienced, but it's still understandable. "It says 'thinking of you' and 'merry Christmas' and his name."

I tear open the wrapping paper and lift up the lid of the small box before feeling inside. "It looks like some kind of iPod," Dad says.

I frown. "The music thing?"

"Yeah." He takes it out of my hands. Buttons click and I can faintly hear sound, but it's not music. Dad puts something in my ear. "Books."

"I remember I told him in passing that there were a few books I missed. You used to read them because they weren't in Braille. This is so cool. How do you pause it?" Dad presses a button and it goes, then he navigates my finger to which button do what so I can find my own way. "Dad, can I have an iPod? For the music."

He laughs. "You should have asked for one or Christmas."

Mum leaves to make breakfast, laughing as well, and we get ready for my grandparents straight after. I put my books in my pocket and wait in the living room. None of us mention what was said by me yesterday, a very good thing, and I think about my present for Louis instead. I hope he likes that one as much as his birthday presents. I guess I can ask him at the party.

New Year; that's pretty special.

Right?


	16. Have I Told You Lately

Like always, Lucy is in the call, giving her regular little speech about how my parents are more than welcome to come to the party. Every other year, they said no because I didn't go. This year they're saying no to give me that space they talked about. From what I heard, they've actually planned something now that they've got the house to themselves until 'whenever I come home tomorrow'

...And that's as far as I go with those thoughts.

For the first time since she started asking me in first year, I step though the floo and into her grandparents' house. Not just for this party, but ever. It's unfamiliar, was always too new for me, but I knew my home and Lucy accepted that. Tonight I cross 'Come to The Burrow' off my list (I still can't believe Louis laughed at me for that one).

Speaking of Louis, he's not there to catch me when I come through. Just in case. Or to see me. Lucy is. "Hey," she says excitedly, hugging me. "I'm so glad you came. Where's your cane?"

"I didn't want it," I shrug nonchalantly, hoping my 'looking around' is just as casual. I'm trying to pinpoint different voices, but I only want one specifically.

"Oh, Lou is outside, mingling," she answers my unspoken question, her voice sounding sorry for him as she says it. "He wanted to wait for you when you came, but Grandma found him before I did and told him to ask if anyone would like anything." She takes my hand and leads me elsewhere, outside probably. "I'll take you to him. Jack's already here, been here about five minutes and he's already hiding."

I laugh. "You know his family."

"You're right, I'd hide, too. Even with a family as big as mine, _they're _not that bad. Louis!"

The moment Lucy let's go of my hand, Louis crushes me with his own hug. "Thank God," he whispers.

I return it quickly, rubbing his upper back with my hand in soothing circles. It's works for me. He squeezes a little tighter. "Stop it," I mouth to my right when Lucy starts to laugh. "Did you think I wouldn't come?"

I feel his head shake against my neck. "I need you to keep me from going crazy." Oh. Louis let's go, but still keeps an arm around my waist. "I think I'm being punished for something."

"You're not being punished," Lucy scolds. Then she explains to me. "Every year Grandma picks someone new to be the 'official mingler'; walk around, chat with guests, be friendly, other them refreshments and _always_have a smile. I had to do it last year." That explains her sympathy before. "It feels like punishment, but it's not. As Grandma says 'we're her loving grandchildren, helping family; we _want_ to do this'."

"I _want_ to cry," Louis corrects.

"Louis!"

"I'm mingling!" he yells to the voice. I rub my ear. "Sorry. Would you like a drink?"

"Please."

"Refreshments are this way." We make our way to wherever said refreshments are. We go backwards, towards the house, so we must have gone past them. But we don't go back _inside_ the house. Interesting. "We've got water, an assortment of juices, beers, wines, whiskey, everything really. My family really go all out to make sure everyone is happy. Take your pick."

"I'll have a beer."

"Bottle or plastic cup?"

"Bottle."

"Excellent choice, sir," he praises me in a posh accent. I imagine a maitre d' in a five star restaurant. I get my drink and take a healthy sip as he turns me around and gives me what they both consider most valuable information. "Got any valuables on you?" I tap my right pocket; an emergency mobile phone that has my dad on speed-dial. I didn't feel the need to bring any money since it's a house party and I wasn't going to use my player to listen to any books, so there was really no point bringing that either. "Check that pocket regularly; Hugo has light fingers, he's nosy and if he gets it he'll just shrug his shoulders and talk about how it's not his fault you're weren't quick enough and that you're not a worthy opponent. We've all got a pool going as to when he'll end up arrested or even in Azkaban."

"When do you think?" I ask, genuinely interested. It's one thing to hear rumors of the kid's extracurricular activities, but another altogether to have confirmation. No one ever believed the rumors, though. The Weasley poster boy can do no wrong.

"My bet's on never; Hugo's too smart and too quick for that to ever happen. Unfortunately, it's only us cousins who really know any of this. The parents refuse to believe it; Hugo's an angel. Devil in disguise more like."

"I sense the slightest bit of admiration," I tell them, taking another drink.

"He's useful," Lucy answers. "Apparently, you learnt that on Christmas Eve." Yeah, I remember; Dom and my number. I nod. "We've already got plans in place in case he is arrested one day; Dom's friend is a lawyer." I raise an eye-brow. "We never said we didn't love the future criminal mastermind."

"Just keep a listen out for him," Louis makes me promise as he takes my hand and leads me away. We're just walking while he talks, going no where in particular. "It's better to use your ears than your eyes with Hugo; he's fast, so if you don't _listen_, you'll lose him and that's a very bad thing."

"My hearing is perfect." I hold onto my earlobe and wiggle it between my thumb and forefinger. "Had a lot of practice."

"Louis!"

He stops mid-laugh and sounds as though he's about to cry. My arm instinctively goes around his shoulders. "I'm coming," he calls, then he kisses the top of my head. "Look after him for me, Luce. If I'm not back soon, bring the lawyer."

"Will do."

Louis leaves us and Lucy loops her arm around mine as we continue to walk and drink. Well, I'm drinking. I know Lucy's not; she's got one hand held onto my arm and one holding my own hand. She can't hold a drink. "Who's the lawyer friend?"

"Kieron Nott." I turn to her. This is interesting news and not just because I know the name. "I like to call him Kieron with a K. You'd think that with that information Louis would figure out I know someone with the same name spelt with a C," I raise my free hand to point out a useful fact, "Yeah, I know. Similar name then. Anyway, you'd think that he'd know I know someone called Ciaran and remember that you are the only friend I have with a name beginning with a C that he doesn't know and realize it's your name."

That reminds me; I need to talk to him about his game. I hope he comes back soon and without the need for the lawyer. I play along. "You'd think."

***

Lucy left me. Okay, she's gone to the bathroom, but I'm still alone, sitting on top of a table, and it's making me feel like the loner in the corner. But it's not all bad; I have chocolates on a plate by my side and they are yummy. Lucy's mum, Audrey, gave them to me about ten minutes ago, stopping for a few minutes to say hello and asking how I was before looking for her husband, and after she left Lucy followed.

I stuff another chocolate into my mouth and wait; she'll be back soon. Until then... Where is Jack?

Never mind that, I'm being watched. I swear it, there are eyes to my right and they are watching me. It is unnerving. The unnerving eyes become a heartbeat, slow and even and very close. Then there's a hand on my pocket. I reach out. "Nice try, kid." He laughs as I push his hand back. "You must be Hugo."

"I _know_ you're Ciaran. Hi." He climbs up onto the table besides me. "It's nice to meet you. I take it Lou and Lucy have talked about me."

"A little bit."

"Don't listen to them; I don't intend on being a criminal mastermind. I like to snoop and I like to find things. But I don't want to use it for that or to write about people like Lily; she wants to be an investigative journalist. Maybe I'll go into the business world." He taps me on the arm, excited. "Or I could be a spy."

"Part of being a spy is to not let people know you're a spy. You've failed." I grin and offer him a chocolate. "So, why were you going in my pocket?"

"I wanted to know if I could. Well done, by the way; you are second person to be able to stop me." I ask who the first person was, intrigued. "Uncle Harry. I figured he would; if he can stop a dark wizard at seventeen, he can stop me from pickpocketing him. But I had to know."

"Yeah, because that makes sense," I say slowly.

"I also find that since I like to know people, pockets can useful sources of information. Like your phone, for example." I put my hand in my now empty pocket. That sneaky, quick bastard. "You shouldn't let me talk. Do you want to know what your phone tells me?"

"No."

He continues to tell me anyway. It's like I didn't say anything at all. I hate being ignored. "There's no happy, smiling pictures of family or friends as a wallpaper and only one contact, which is your dad. It tells me you only use this for emergencies."

"Yeah, so?"

"Nothing." He hands it back. "I was just interested. I like you. I want to say Louis is very lucky, but you're still not together from what I hear. Why is that?"

I jump down, only to turn to lean against the table, a little closer to him. "If I let you in on a little secret, will you leave?"

"Yes."

"We might get together tonight if I manage to see him for more than five minutes," I whisper, then in a big dramatic gesture I put my finger to my lips and shush him.

"Oh, you need Nana to stop watching and calling him, so he can get away and be with you instead of mingling." I nod. Sorry, Mrs. Weasley, who I haven't had the pleasure of meeting yet, but that is _exactly_ what I need. "On it."

"Huh?" He's already disappearing when I turn around. Why is he like that? What the hell makes him think he can help me and that it'll be so easy? Help. Ah, phone number. "Oi! How did you get my house number?"

"It was an emergency contact in his Ministry file. And before you ask, no. I didn't snoop. I batted my eyes, gave a nice, big smile and asked the woman in charge very nicely. I told her it was important that I got in touch and she wrote it down. See you later."

Right. If were to get in on that bet, I'd be joining Louis with the 'never' vote. That kid is smart and quick and useful. If he manages to get Louis here I will be very impressed. Hugo Weasley might just be my new favourite person.

"Now I thought Louis would have warned you away from Hugo," a new voice calls out, amused.

"He did. And you are?"

"Dom, brother. Hello."

"Ciaran." I hold out a hand, which he takes. Then he swaps his hand for a new bottle, tells me he saw me with one before. I take it gratefully and have a drink.

"I know. Why are you all alone?"

"Lucy went to the bathroom, hasn't come back yet."

"I saw her on my way here, she was stopped by your friend, er, Jackson. It is Jackson, right? Jackson Ryder?"

"That's him. Have you seen the rest of his family?"

"His family are here, too?" When I tell Dom who they are, he can't seem to stop laughing. It's fun to hear. He has a nice laugh, similar to Louis' only a little deeper. I end up joining him. "Yes, I saw _them_," he finally gets out.

"So, Louis tells me you're interning at Witch Weekly, you want to be a journalist."

"Yeah. I've been writing forever, thought I'd make a living out of it," he jokes. "Do you know what you want to do?" I shake my head. I don't have a freaking clue, never have. I've never actually thought about it to be honest. "You'll figure it out. Louis says he doesn't know either, but I hope he'll go to school, continue his art."

"You know about his art? Have you seen any?"

"No, I haven't seen any of his pictures since he was a kid coloring at the table. He doesn't like to show and tell. It's just me and Vic and now you who really knows anything," Dom sounds kind of down about that. Not about me knowing, about Louis not showing. You can tell they're close, all three of them, so Louis not telling him about something must be rare.

"He's probably just shy," I reassure him. "I love playing the piano, but I stop once I know someone's watching, even if it's family."

"Maybe. You play piano?" I nod. "Our grandmother, on Mum's side, got us a tutor to learn. I can play; Vic and Louis are rubbish," he chuckles. "I have to go, I'm being summoned. You don't have to sit here alone, you know. You're welcome here, talk to people."

"I didn't think I'd be alone for so long," I admit, shrugging. "Lucy said she'd only be a couple of minutes. Besides, I'm hoping to find Louis."

"He's around, he'll find you. I hope," Dom pauses, like he's trying to find the right words. Is he about to say something he shouldn't? Or is he just a big brother uncomfortable talking about his little brother's potential relationships? "I hope he sorts himself out and doesn't screw up what he could have with you. And I hope you don't either."

What? "Is this about his first boyfriend?"

"You know about Ellis?"

I shake my head slowly. "Just that they were together for a summer then they moved one. I think he said it was a fling. But he told me he was never any good with relationships. The guy's name is Ellis?"

"Yeah," Dom replies very slowly. I think now I've come to an uncomfortable topic. Which is bad because now I really want to know what happened with the Ellis guy. "I'm not talking about Ellis. You have to ask Louis, but I wouldn't expect an answer if I were you." It's like he really _can_ read my mind. "But I will say that, and if you tell Louis I said this I'll hurt you, Ellis was very bad for Lou, you are very good for him, and he tries to make sure what he has with you doesn't end as badly as the last two because he really likes you. So, help him."

"How?"

"By not running away when you get scared." My eyes widen at his response. "He ran away from his relationships, you've never let yourself be in one. You're gonna fill your head with doubts when he acts funny and you're going to blame yourself and the fact that you're blind. Don't do that. Don't leave him."

"How do you know any of that?" I demand.

"You got too close."

Louis' words jump straight to the front of my mind: _Don't get too close to Dom... _It's true; I've only been near him for a few minutes and it's like he knows every fear I've got.

"Also, I talk to Lucy," he finishes before he leaves.

I frown, I didn't know Lucy ever talked about me so much, not about things she's obviously picked up on because I've never told her. She knows me more than I thought and to actually talk to someone about it means she worried about me. I've worried my best friend. No wonder she's been so excited about me and Louis; we haven't done anything to screw it up yet. She's hopeful.

"Hey, sorry I took so long; Jackson is paranoid. He'll find you soon, he says. Are you okay?"

"I'm fine," I whisper, then I clear my throat and take a drink. "I spoke to Dom, he's nice."

"Yeah. His weird litte ability can be scary, but he's awesome. Dom's one of my favorite people in the world. You can just talk to him about anything and he knows exactly how to help."

I nod and agree; his ability to read people is scary and he does give good advice.

But I didn't want to get too close.

***

Whatever Hugo does, it doesn't take long and by the time Louis is by my side, I have mostly sorted myself out; my head is riddled with questions, about Louis, about his relationship, what Dom meant. But on the outside, I think look relatively normal and for now that will do. I don't want to ruin tonight, I meant what I said to Hugo.

We're talking and laughing, Louis stood behind me with his arms around my waist and swaying a little to the music when Jack finally finds us.

"I've finally escaped the devil incarnate," he whispers, panting slightly. "If you see the her lapdog, warn me so I may run. Hey, CJ."

"Who?"

I snicker. "He's finally escaped Hollie. If you see Jake, warn him so he may run," I translate. "Hey, Jack."

"Hollie and Jake? Louis mutters to himself. "Hollie and Jake Wood? Oliver Wood's kids?" I nod. "You know Hollie and Jake Wood?"

"They're his cousins," Lucy sounds very happy.

"_Oh_. Oh, Jack, I'm so sorry," Louis tries to be sincere, but even I can tell he's trying not to laugh. "I mean, they're _crazy_."

"It's like they eat nothing but sugar, just because they know it annoys people," Jack moans. "I can't believe Aunt Kat and Uncle Oliver actually admit to having those two."

"Kat?" Louis asks. "Katherine Wood, formally Katherine Ryder, the Harpies keeper? She's your aunt?"

"The one and only," Jack admits. "Her youngest brother, Bobby Ryder, is my dad."

"The footballer who married the Muggle actress?"

I crane my neck up, my head resting in Louis' shoulder. "You like football?"

I feel his shoulder move up and down against my neck. "Guys in shorts."

"Oh. I _love_ how casually you say that," I mutter. I don't care if he notices or how he takes my sarcasm, it calms me.

"So, that makes you famous, Jack."

"No, it really doesn't. My parents are just well known. I went to a couple of my mum's premiers with them when they thought I was old enough to stay up so late, but stopped when I started Hogwarts. I have a crazy and well known family, can we change the subject now?" Jack pleads.

"Sure," Lucy says assuringly. "I can see Jake, how long before he sees you?"

"Show me where the bathroom is, Lucy," Jack says quickly, his voice getting further and further away. "I haven't been there yet, I might get lost."

"Why should I?"

"Jake wants to know if you're single," he shouts.

An arm pats my shoulder. "I gotta go."

I call out a good bye, but I don't think they hear me. Louis turns me around, his arms still around my waist. "I am very sober and I'm being very good and I have Hugo distracting my nan; now will you dance with me?"

I pull a face and step back. He starts to let go of me, but I grab his hands and stop him. I don't want him to leave, to misunderstand again. "I can't dance."

He relaxes into me, then takes my hand and pulls me away. Louis stops me and let's go, leaving me in what I now think is the middle of the garden or field or wherever this party is, guests' eyes on me. I think about calling out his name, but that would mean people hearing me and having _more_ eyes on me. I don't want that. So, I just stand there, hopefully not like an idiot, and wait for him to come back.

The music changes and Louis has my hand again, pulling me closer to him, and swaying. Dancing. No, _slow_dancing. He's wrapped my arms around his neck and his around my waist and everything. "See, you're dancing."

"I noticed," I mutter, hoping people are no longer watching.

"They've gone back to dancing, CJ," he promises and I believe him.

"I know this song," I whisper. "I can play it. It's old."

"I know, it's one of your favorites." I agree, surprised. "I do listen to you, you know."

"I found that out when you got me my favorite books on audio for Christmas. Thank you, by the way. I loved it."

"And I loved mine. Those canvases and paints and the books, everything you've gotten me that week must have cost a helluva lot of money. You didn't have to," he says.

"Enjoy it. It's not often I spoil people," I wink. "Besides, you could always tell me about your art."

He spins me around, pulls me back and laughs. "Nice try, Mr. James."

"What is with your endless supply of names for me?" My arm rises with his shoulder. "I know that you're so set on me giving you my name, I know that you know what it is, but I don't know why."

"I have my own games to play. Only difference is I'll win mine."

"What makes you so sure I'll tell you before you tell me? I already know my name, I don't need to say it."

"I already know your name, I don't need to call it you, _Baby,_" he counters. Must not make him pay just yet... "I'll make you want to tell me, after I've made _everything_ so very special."

"Everything?" I repeat quietly. I know what that means.

"Everything."

"How?"

"I haven't figured that last bit out yet. Give me time." I feel his lips curve against my cheek when he leans in.

"How long have you known?" I ask.

"That would be telling," he says then he whispers a line of the song in my ear. He's so quiet, I can't even tell if he's a good singer or not. "_Fill my life with gladness, take away my sadness. Ease my troubles that's what you do_."

"You just had to be cheesy at the end, didn't you?" I joke one the song ends. Well, I sound jokey, but he was.

"The moment called for it and I will not apologize." I move my arms from his neck to take a hand, shaking my head. "It may have taken me two whole months, but I've had my dance. We can go hide in a corner again." I dig my heels and wait for him to correct himself. He knows exactly what I want, it's not the first time this has happened. "You can go back to keeping me company while _I _hide in a corner."

Atta boy. The corner turns out to be an empty bit of field, he says. The music is not so loud here, so we can talk normally, and it's still within the wards and charms, so it's warm and dry. We sit on the grass and just enjoy the peace and quiet. Considering I've spent most of it hanging around in the corners with my friends, this party hasn't been so bad and I tell Louis that. Apparently it's far from over; the parents usually send the kids into the house soon after the fireworks and put them to bed, but they come back out and their party continues until they're ready to leave, then they floo home with their sleeping children. Louis, the other grandkids and maybe a few of their friends usually stay here for the night, while the parents go home. That was his not so subtle way of saying I can stay. And I not so subtly tell him I don't plan on going anywhere, then I tell him about my parents night alone. He understands.

"What time is it?"

I roll up my sleeve and press the button on my watch. "Eleven forty."

"Cool watch."

"It's handy. Where's Jack and Lucy?"

"They're probably wondering around somewhere, waiting for the fireworks." I raise an eye-brow; he's planned something. "I may have told them at the beginning of the party to clear off for the fireworks. There's a tradition I'd like to honor, if you'd let me."

I smirk. "I'll think about it."

Midnight tonight comes quicker than any I can ever remember. And with every minute that passes, my heart seems to beat that much faster. It's so fast, I swear Louis can hear it. If he does, he doesn't comment. On the last minute he taps my arm and we stand up. We can hear the others at the party count down, but we don't. Louis stands in front of me and leans his forehead against mine. "Nervous?"

"A little bit. I might suck," I whisper.

"So?"

I barely acknowledge the fireworks when they start, everyone's cheers and shouts for a happy New Year all sound faint, even to my ears. Louis's hand finds its way to the back of my neck, his fingers in my hair, and, as soon as the fireworks die down, he leans in until his lips just touch my own...

"Louis?"

We both turn to the voice and I know that he's just as disappointed as I am. And we both know who that voice belongs to: Roxanne.

"I'm gonna -"

"Hey," I interrupt, my hands cupping his face and turning his head so he's facing me again. My eyes are shut, but I can feel his breath against my mouth and I know he's watching me. "It'll be okay."

"Louis?"

Her voice is distant this time and goes further away. She didn't see us, didn't know or stop it. Their grandmother is probably looking for Louis. "I should go see what they want."

He steps away, but I grab his arm on instinct and pull him back, but we both know the moment has passed and when he gets back to me I kiss his cheek instead, lingering for a few seconds longer. "Happy New Year."

I listen as he leaves to find his cousins, his footsteps seem to echo against the grass. Or is that still my heartbeat? Then I follow.

Hello again, universe. Believe it or not, I _didn't_ miss you.

So, what's the score against me this time?


	17. Don't Let Me Go

The first thing I notice is that I am definitely dreaming.

How do I know that I'm dreaming? Because I'm pretty sure that big, burning, blurry ball above me that I can more or less _see_ is the sun. Yeah, I'm definitely sure, more or less, that it's the sun. It's what I used to call it when I could see it; the big, burning, blurry ball, because it was big and hot and Mum said that I would squint to see it. But now I think it's blurry because of my memories. I can't remember the last time I actually saw something in a dream, doctors said my dreams wouldn't retain visual imagery as I lost my sight so young, but I tried so hard to not forget things I'd seen and sometimes something would come through. It's only the things I remember that I see, though. I'm not magic.

...Pretend I didn't just say that.

So, I know I'm dreaming because I can see what I remember of the sun. And I must know this field from somewhere. I think it's a field; I can smell freshly cut grass, feel it beneath my fingers.

Everything's blurry and I don't know if it's my memories or my eyes, but I can kind of see and this is a very strange dream. Am I using magic in my head? Is that even possible?

I make even less sense in my dreams, but at least I know I'm dreaming.

But I don't feel confused, I feel... Content. I relax on the grass, staring up at the blurry, yet very blue, sky, and embrace the silence. It's not long before I drift off, my eyes grow heavy until they close. I don't think I'm all that tired, the calm just has that effect on me; I could lie here forever. I turn my head when the sound of footsteps, soft and close, find their way to me. I'm not surprised by the fact that someone is coming, it's like I already know, and he lies by my right side, so we're shoulder-to-shoulder, much like that day by the lake at school. I know it's him straight away; I'd recognize his scent anywhere, could pick him out in a crowd with ease.

_Louis._

He runs a finger down the side of my face, stopping at my pulse. I feel my heart quicken at his touch and now he can feel it. "Thinking happy thoughts?" he whispers. I can tell he's smirking. "Thinking of me?"

"You'll never know," I answer in a similarly quiet tone, my smile small, but playful. With that one look from me and his responding laugh, it's clear he knows he was right. I think about saying something to get to him, to make him squirm slightly, but the atmosphere is sweet and kind of romantic, too peaceful to even think of ruining it.

So, I know I'm dreaming, I know the effect it's having and I know that I sound like such a _girl_. Good to know.

Louis moves, his arm brushing mine as he does so. "Open your eyes, Ciaran." I do to find that he's moved to lie on his side, holding himself up by his elbow with his cheek resting in his hand, and he's watching me with curious blue eyes. His lips are pink and chapped and smiling at me, while his finger moves from my pulse to behind my ear, his hand cupping the side of my face and his thumb drawing circles on my cheek. This is how I see Louis. When I try _really_ hard, this what my imagination comes up with. He's clearer than everything else in this dream, maybe because he's my imagination and not a memory. But I don't care. I can see him.

I'm aware of the lack of surprise I have for this. How can I be surprised to see him if I know I'm dreaming?

"Isn't that better?" he asks.

I copy him, propping myself up on my elbow and balancing my fist against my cheek, so we're face-to-face. I shrug. "Depends on what you're referring to."

"Seeing me."

"Definitely better," I whisper. "I'll miss it when it goes again." I know I will, when I wake up and I can't see again. I can't sleep and stay here forever and it takes so much effort to imagine the world around me all day, to see images of things I've never truly seen in my head. Already the world we're in is getting darker, disappearing on me, even Louis is starting to lose focus. I'm waking up.

There's a tickling sensation on my stomach.

"You'll see me again soon," he murmurs, his voice is filled with confidence and his eyes are full of promise. Nothing comes to mind that can confirm that for me; no sudden epiphany that brings a cure with it and I rarely ever dream like this. I don't want this dream to end.

"Don't let me go," I blurt out.

Louis narrows his eyes, frowns at me; he's confused. "Why would I ever let you go?"

Everything I've ever thought fills my head, and I really mean every _little_ thing, reminding me of my fears, my insecurities. But I don't say a single one to him. As usual. "I don't know," I shrug instead.

"Don't think so much and trust me," he whispers before placing his lips against mine. There's no one to come between us here, no reason for me to stop, and I open my mouth to accept his kiss as my eyes close. I move one hand to his shoulder and the other, the hand connected to the arm that I had been balancing on, goes to his hair. It's harder to stay up this way and he uses the moment to roll me onto my back, so he's on top of me. His hand fall down to rest on my stomach and the tickling sensation starts again.

The next time I open my eyes, everything is black.

***

I lift my head up slowly, my neck is stiff from the position on the hard surface I lay my head on when I fell asleep. But where the rest of my body is is soft underneath. I run my hand along the edge, then the side where my head was, and then along the top; oh, I think I'm on the couch. I drop my arm down, only it lands on the side of another body rather than the cushions. I'm not alone, lying along the back of the couch like I had thought. It only takes me a moment to register who it is; the faint traces of his aftershave still linger. I'm not surprised that it's Louis. It could never be anyone _but_ Louis.

I run my hand over his side to his hip and the movement causes him to sigh and pull me in so we're closer together. Then I know I'm not imagining his shirt is open and I'm running his fingers over his skin; my hand is now on Louis' stomach, above his belly button.

There's that tickling sensation on my stomach again.

I find out why, removing my hand from its awkward position behind my back, and there is Louis' hand resting on top. My shirt must have risen slightly while I moved in my sleep and his fingers tickle me when he moves. That's what I felt; him. My head back in its original position on the couch's arm, I shut my eyes again. Louis is still fast asleep, he snores a little, so it must still be early. Unless he's always like this after a party. He was up kinda early after Halloween, though. Who knows what time he'd been in the library when I came in at breakfast?

We're closer together now, my back pressed slightly against his front, and his head ends up buried in my neck. It mutes his snoring, but I can feel his breath warm my skin and his lips at my pulse. He's so close. And I can feel _all_ of him, every muscle, every movement. His heartbeat is slow and steady unlike mine.

He moves again, turning his body to me; he's pressed fully against me now. It's like when I was little and tried to finish a jigsaw puzzle; the piece was turned and tried until it finally fit perfectly. Comparing us to a jigsaw, that's... Strange. When Louis moves, his hand falls a little further down. I put my hand over his, threading my fingers between his, and pull our hands back up to my stomach as I get comfortable. He sighs again and he smiles in his sleep; his lips curve against my neck.

I'm all ready to go back to sleep when he whispers my name. Not either nickname, not a little pet-name, but my _real_ name. The one he said he wouldn't say to me first. Technically he still hasn't said it to me, but he still said it and I want more than anything for him to say it again...

But he doesn't. I don't catch the other words he's muttering. He's dreaming. Is he dreaming about me?

A door opens. Someone swears quietly when it bangs. Dom, I know. I recognize his voice. Things rattle, I think he's carrying something, then it stops and he's back inside. Dom still moves around, I know the sounds he's making well; he's making a drink. I smell coffee. I'm not allowed coffee, not that he knows that, and Louis told me that Dom doesn't drink it, plus Louis' not awake and he can't know that I am, so who is it for?

Then I remember all of their cousins are here, plus me and Jack, Dom's lawyer friend and the lawyer friend's sister, who is Albus Potter's girlfriend, and finally the lawyer friend's cousin, who is also Albus' friend (the kid knows a lot of people), Scorpius Malfoy. I haven't had the pleasure of speaking to Albus yet, but his girlfriend and Scorpius are alright. That drink could be for any of them. I can't believe I forgot there were so many people here.

Louis groans again, this time sounding frustrated more than content, and he lifts his head up so that his lips are now by my ear. He's awake. "Morning," he whispers.

I'm instantly reminded of my dream, the way he sounded before he kissed me. I hate that it wasn't real. He leaves a chaste kiss between my neck and shoulder. I really, _really_ hate that it wasn't real. "Morning. Sleep well."

"Hmm," he gets out, like he could go back to sleep at any moment, and he runs his fingers up and down my stomach, it's likes he's not even aware he's doing so. "Very good dream."

"Was I in it?"

"Hmm."

I grin. "Really?"

"Hmm."

"Are just saying that because you're still half asleep and can't manage an actual response or are you teasing me?"

"Hmm."

I feel him smile and, with my free hand, I stretch behind me and pinch him at his side. He cries out, more out of surprise than pain. I smirk, his brother laughs. Dom knows we're awake now. And he's closer than I thought.

"Here you go, you wuss," he says, his arm brushing over my hair when he leans over to Louis and he's pushed back a little. Oh, it is for Louis; does Louis wake around this time for Dom to make that for him or was his brother just going to wake him up? He pokes me with his finger and it's hard enough for me to fall backwards into Louis' chest. Maybe that was what he did to Louis. "Coffee, sleepyhead?"

"No, thanks."

"None for sleepyhead," Louis tells him. Where the hell did this new nickname come from? He pulls me up with him, keeping an arm wrapped around my waist as we sit back against the couch. It feels nice, it feels relationship-y, I'm not sure that is even word but I'm using it anyway. Not that I'd tell Louis this; he already knows I like him and, after our almost kiss, he should know I want more, so why tell him what he already knows? Or maybe this is what my therapist said when he called me a closed book... Well, the last one, when I was eleven. I didn't handle things very well after what happened to me. Apparently, I still don't. Who'd have guessed?

"Sleepyhead here gets all jittery, starts bouncing," Louis finishes.

I want to deny it, but it's true. "Caffeine is not my friend," I admit. "Neither is sugar, but if anyone makes me get rid of that I'll cry, then hurt them with my stick."

"You mean the white, plastic thing I used you see you trip people over with?" Dom asks, laughing.

"The very same. And I only trip Tyler Davies over intentionally. Anyone else should learn to get out of the way," I defend myself. I can't trip them up on purpose if I don't know they're even there, can I?

...Maybe I can hear them. A little.

With the hand that's wrapped around my waist, Louis taps my thigh. He slurps his coffee. "Hot," he mutters. I roll my eyes, I hope Dom rolled his eyes, too. It was an eye rolling moment. "Where is your cane? I hardly see it now."

"Why would I need it? I've got _you_ holding my hand twenty-four seven." As if to prove my point, he takes my hand, squeezing gently. Movement comes from above us; people are getting up, starting a new day. Or maybe they're ready to go home and continue sleeping through it; I remember people having quite a bit to drink during that party. I wince and rub my free hand against the side of my head, the slight pain coming from my temple reminds me that _I'm_ one of those people. "And people wonder why I rarely drink. I have to learn to say no to alcohol. Does me no good."

"I noticed you drank a _helluva_ lot more after midnight. Why is that?" Dom asks me. Once a journalist, always a journalist.

"I missed a moment," I mutter, hearing the footsteps now come down the stairs, people moving about, there are more voices around me. But, thankfully, they're kinda quiet. They must be used to this. Dom asks me what I mean and I shrug, pretending that it's nothing. "I was supposed to cross two things off my list last night, only managed one of them. I wasn't exactly happy about it. I was really looking forward to that second one."

Louis squeezes my hand again; he understands. Of course he does. "Ah, Lou told me you made lists. He didn't tell me what was on them. I swear, I don't know," Dom adds rather quickly.

I have to laugh. Is he referring to the fact that he's nosy or to his strange ability to read people?

"Can we know?"

"Don't be nosy, Lily," Hugo scolds. I cover up a laugh effectively enough with a cough. Hugo Weasley telling Lily Potter not to be nosy? That's like me getting out of bed in the afternoon and then telling Jack to stop being lazy. I cough out 'hypocrite' and there's more than one voice trying to hide a laugh. I get a cushion thrown in my face. I assume it was Hugo. Well, it just brushes against my face; Louis must have caught it. "I've decided I don't like you anymore, James," he mutters.

"Are you talking to me or _Mr_. James?" his cousin calls from the kitchen.

"The other one. When have I ever liked you?" Hugo shouts back.

I change the subject before their shouting causes my head to explode. This is feels natural, teasing is obviously something they do often and they'll forget about it soon enough. I imagine it'll be the same for me. But I don't want their teasing right now; it's too early. "Where's Jack and Lucy?"

"Upstairs," Fred Weasley snickers. Fred, I know him from visiting the shop with Jack. "Hopefully they're putting their clothes back on."

"What?" Ha! Told you, Louis!

"Lou, you should have seen them last night," Dom says and he sounds conflicted, like he's still deciding whether what he saw should leave him disgusted or make him laugh. God, what were they doing? "I came into the house last night and there they were making out in the kitchen. Their clothes already looked half-off; I had to run away. They never even noticed I was there."

Ah, he's gone for disgusted.

"Was this before or after midnight?" Louis asks urgently. I laugh. He nudges me in the side.

"Before," Dom says immediately.

"You're sure?"

"Of course I'm sure. I went in to get the fireworks and came out traumatized," he practically shrieks. This just gets better.

"It carried on for pretty much the whole night," Fred tells us. "And I'm pretty sure I heard two voices in that shower before."

"Oh no."

"Oh yes. I want my money."

"You'll get your money," Louis mutters. But I don't care; now I've won, he _has_ to believe me. We'd made a bet the other day. Louis called me again, the night before New Years, asking if I was definitely coming. After telling him that I was and going on about what my parents had said to me, the topic had somehow shifted to our friends. I ended up betting him they'd be together for the fireworks. He'd said if they got together, it would be after, but that he didn't believe they'd get together at all. So my 'time' for them was anytime between the party starting and midnight. I was right. Ha!

"So, how long have they been together?" Fred asks. I frown. "Come on, they've obviously been together for a_while_."

And I'm not the only one who has noticed.

"We don't know, they haven't told us anything," I admit. Why is that? You'd think they'd at least tell me. Are they embarrassed of being together? Or are they still in the purely physical stages of whatever relationship they have (it was obvious _why_ they were disappearing), in which case I'm glad I don't know. Now I hope it's the latter. "But I'd guess at around Halloween; that was when they started disappearing and being all weird in front of us."

"Shush," Louis whispers. "If they're not telling, they don't want us to know yet, so keep quiet because I think this is them coming."

And it is. As soon as he comes down stairs, Jack falls onto the couch next to me. "Good morning." He doesn't sound like he's in the best of moods. I wonder why that is. "So, CJ, breakfast here or breakfast at your house?"

He wants to leave. Now. I can tell. He's just trying to be polite. What the hell happened upstairs? "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine," he says softly, but it's not enough to _not_ hear the waver in his voice. Something's wrong, Jack is really upset. I want to wrap my arm around him and pull him close, tell him it's okay, but he's not like me; he won't appreciate it in public. So, I nudge him with my elbow gently instead and nod.

"We'll go soon, as soon as I say good bye to Lucy." I don't say 'we'. According to Fred, he was with Lucy, so whatever has upset him, Lucy might very well be involved. I don't want to make it worse. I hate when Jack is upset, he's the strongest out of all three of us. Jack being upset is like watching him fall; you don't know what to do afterwards.

"Okay," he murmurs.

I'm grateful Louis stays quiet through all this, that he doesn't try to get me to stay. He must see something I can't, maybe on Jack's face, and is understanding. It's scary how perceptive Louis can be; he doesn't even have a special ability.

Then Dom speaks and the awkward tension in the room just seems to get worse. At least for me. "Hey, Roxy. Bye, Roxy." He seems to speak slowly, pausing between each word. "Thanks for just walking away. That's your fault."

Jack nudges me and tells me Dom was referring to me. "Why?"

"You and your little riddle," he explains. "She got it by the way. From the beginning, in case you were wondering how long it took. This is Roxy in denial. She refuses to be beaten by the fact that you're gay. But she doesn't want to talk to you yet, so she's ignoring us all."

"Dom, we know you're psychic, but do you have to use it for everything?" a girl sighs. Molly, I remember now. I wondered where she was.

"I didn't. I talked to her last night," he snaps. Then he calms down and it's like he said nothing to her at all. "She'll get over it, CJ, and she'll get over you just as fast. Ignore it."

"I think you did right giving her a clue instead of just telling her; Roxanne needed to think it through," Fred continues. "She'll need to think it through to get used to the idea of seeing you with Lou. Speaking of which, she needs to see that or she'll fight harder. Knowing our dad, she won't play by the rules."

"That's true. She can be fierce when denial is involved." I feel Jack stiffen at my side; it's definitely something to do with Lucy. "Good luck, CJ."

"I'm sure I'll be fine," I mutter, trying me best to sound like nothing's wrong. There _is_ something wrong, though, between my two best friends and I don't know what to do. I'm angry that she's obviously done something to upset him, but I don't know the full story and I'm not going to choose between them. I have to be neutral in this. "Enjoy the party?"

"It was alright." Lucy sounds off, too. "Did you?"

I know exactly what she means; the fireworks, the kiss. She'd obviously understood why Louis had told them to clear off. "It got interrupted," I say honestly, my disappointment showing. "It'll be alright, though."

"Of course it will. Not giving up is a family trait," Louis laughs, and he breaks the tension that's been brewing. Even Jack starts to relax. "I just need a new plan and patience and someone worth the self control. Thank you." He whispers that last part and makes everyone laugh. Maybe that's the point, but I don't get it.

"Who are you thanking?" I ask, not caring if I sound stupid.

"He's thanking God," Dom says once he's calmed down.

I frown. I've never known Louis to be religious. "Why?"

"For the miracle that is you, apparently."

Oh, new voice. On my left, by Louis and Hugo. I go through all the voices I know; it's a guy, so I can rule out the female cousins, and apart from Teddy Lupin, I think I've met most of the others. It can't be Teddy, this voice sounds too young to be a grown man, which means... "Hello, Albus."

"Is he psychic, too?" Albus asks.

"No, I'm just amazing," I nod, acting serious. "My hearing is like a superpower. And as for the miracle that is me bit," I turn to Louis, "I approve."

"I thought you would."

I tap Louis' leg twice, then Jack on the shoulder. "We should go now." Jack stands up quickly, grabbing my hand and pulling me up. "It was great meeting you all."

I'm pulled to the fireplace, stopped only so Lucy could hug me. Then Louis does the same, leaving a kiss on my cheek. "I'll see you at school. See ya, Jack."

As Jack calls out my house address and steps through, I wave to Lucy. "Bye Luce."

Just as I'm stepping through, I hear the last words I will hear Louis say until school. And it's not to me, but to Lucy. "What the hell happened upstairs?"

***

School came quickly, which I was glad for for once, but it's very different than before Christmas. Most things are the same; classes, going the library, sitting with Louis. But things between the four of us are different; Jack and Lucy are not talking, even though Lucy tries. I'm scared to know what she did that upset him so much. And Louis is not being his normal, flirty self. I have no idea what happened between New Year's day and now for him to act differently, but I don't like it. And as soon as Abby leaves and our things are packed, I set in motion my plan to talk to him. Jack and Lucy's problem I can't help, but this I can deal with.

"Coming back to Hufflepuff until dinner?" I ask nonchalantly.

"No, I can't. I've got tutoring session here now," Louis answers and my hope of talking to him evaporates. He curls his finger under my chin. "But I can meet you there for dinner or you are more than welcome to stay here."

My eyes close almost automatically at his touch; it's the first since New Year. I feel like I need to savor it. I nod. "I've got my audiobooks to keep my company."

Maybe I can talk to him before the person he's tutoring comes. "Hey, Kyle."

Okay, maybe after.

"Louis."

"Kyle, this is my friend, CJ. CJ, this is Kyle Raven."

"Like the bird," I point out without really listening. Friend, he said. We might as well be_ just _friends, nothing has happened between us yet, but it hurts more than it should to hear him say it. I hate the thoughts that run through my head; does Louis not like me anymore?

That can't be right; you don't just stop liking someone. Something is going on, I know it. I just don't know what. What makes this worse is that although I don't know much about Kyle Raven, I know enough; he's a Gryffindor, he's popular with a bit of a reputation, he's bisexual and last year he admitted it was true when those girls who think they have to know everything asked if he liked Louis. And Louis is flirty again.

I don't want to be here anymore. I grab my bag and stand up. "Have a good lesson. I'll see you later, Louis," I say, loudly enough to interrupt whatever it is they're talking about.

And the moment my heart shatters? When he doesn't even call after me.

***

Fuck him!

I don't care what he does or who he's with. He's not my boyfriend, he's not anyone's. If he wants to be with Kyle Raven, then I'm not going to bloody stop him. The dick can go.

I knock the things on my beside table over, breaking my alarm clock. I calm myself down, my head in my hands while I hope Jack can fix it before Declan finds out. It's not true, I know it. I don't want him to go and I do care about what he does and who he's with. I don't want him to be with anyone else. He should be with me.

"He should be with me," I say it over and over.

I don't know why this is happening. I don't know what happened after New Year. It was going so well, he even talked about not giving up. So, what the hell happened?

I need to stop this. I need to take control. It's the only way to get him back before I lose him, not just to Kyle but to anyone. I can't let that happen.

I barely pay attention to the knock on the door but I know it's him. And I'm not sure I really want to see him now. It hurts right now and I need to figure out what to do anyway. I don't move from the bed.

"What happened here?"

He must be referring to the table. I shrug. "I knocked into it," I half lie. He doesn't need to know why.

"Are you okay?"

I nod. "How was your session with Kyle?"

"Alright. He doesn't really need me for Transfiguration anymore, we just use the time to hang out," Louis admits and I want to scream and throw something. "You could have stayed."

I push myself backwards and lean back on my arms. "Didn't really feel like being a third wheel," I mutter.

"You sound jealous." Louis points it out like it was exactly what he was looking for, want he wanted.

I glare. "Why should I be jealous? It's not like we're together."

"No," he says in a tone that I'd say is similar to feeling smug. He didn't? That was his plan? That bastard. "Are you ready for dinner?"

"I'll be down in a minute." I move to the table and pick up my clock; I'll hide it until I can get Jack here tonight. I can't believe him, but somehow I can. Louis would easily do something like this, but why? He _always_has a reason. he wouldn't just do it. What would making me jealous prove? That I like him? We already knew that. That I want to be with him? I thought that was obvious. Then it hits me; my plan to do something about it. That's what he wants, it's got to be. I'm the one who would stop things, delay it, want to wait. I'm the one who wants to make it special. I'm the one who's scared. And he's the one who waits for me.

He's _waiting_ for me to make a move.

He may be a bastard, but he _is_ good. Should I hate that or love it?

"I'll wait downstairs," Louis says gently, but he's still smug and he knows I understand now. Most of it anyway; I will be asking for an explanation soon.

Even so, it doesn't stop my doubts. I sink to the floor, leaning against the table and lean my head back against one of the drawers. The handle digs into the back of my head, but I don't care. I doubt and I have to stop because I know, after everything he's ever said, that Louis isn't leaving. But what if he changes his mind?

"Please don't be in love with someone else," I whisper. My dream comes back to me and my words make more sense now. "Don't let me go."

And then the door closes.

Damn.


End file.
